No Auto-Tune Necessary

As I went to sleep last night, my want and need for reading the bible doubled. I was frustrated that I couldn't keep my sleepy eyes open enough to focus on each word of James. We began talking about it in church on Sunday to wrap up our series on the power of prayer. I have realized that I have been praying for things I feel I need.

Clarity, understanding, strength, wisdom, love, comfort, calming and rest.

And many of these things have been blessed to me over the last few weeks. But I haven't prayed thanks often. God knows what we need, we know what we want. But what does God want for us? What is his will at times I wonder, but it can be very obvious in some cases (Perhaps "obvious" isn't the right word... but anyway).

James 5:13-18; Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are you happy? You should sing praises. Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if  you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. Elijah was a human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for three and a half years! Then, when he prayed again, the sky sent down rain and the earth began to yield its crops.

He wants us to keep praying. Everything that's on our hearts, it is what we both know and don't know. But he wants us to tune out from ourselves and our constant solving ambition, to give it all to him.

My thoughts have been drifting to Utah lately. A year ago today I will have begun my  week long journey to California to where I stopped in Utah to speak and stay with my dear friends, Matt Dodge and his wife Mindy. They were trying to convince me that I should move to Utah and get a job with the county after my season in the Redwoods ended in November. I was highly considering  it because of the perks that came with the job. Money to pay off my loans, a new car and skiing galore. I was hooked... Until the day I arrived at Alliance. Then I knew I'd be staying put for a delicate few. This is where God has led me. And now the thought of Utah a year later for different reasons, like serving a different kind of community and connecting with Christians in a different state while seeing where that all might lead... With perks of skiing on the side. It all has been entering my brain more often these last couple of weeks. Mixed thoughts of not working in camping ministry after a year of swimming deeply in it has me wondering if I should venture onto other tasks in the world. Another part of me says yes to find out if ministry is something that you are supposed to spend your time doing.

Utah. My time and thoughts continue to tick away as I continue to learn how to surrender again... and again... and again.

Keep praying friends.

Trails and Time Zones

2:32am in west coast territory but here on the east people are used to it, they just call it by a different name, 5:32am. Much more accurate considering the amount of sleep that I got last night. This hour is passing as slowly as molasses yet I am perplexed as to how I got to this airport terminal. Didn’t I just get off a plane a couple of hours ago? Oh right… it was two weeks ago. 

“You have done so much in your time home”, my mother told me as I hugged her before putting my back pack on this morning. Looking back upon it, I have. I’ve seen a lot of people and have had many different conversations. I have thought a lot, prayed a lot and continued to surrender a lot. 

3:45am (6:45am): As we touched down in a fist pumping state in the loudest propeller plane, I think to myself while Lady GaGa pumped through my head phones, “I’ve been higher than that on my own two feet”. I kindly asked the stewardess what our highest elevation was and she replied, “Around 10,000 feet”…"Thanks".

I don’t know what it is but when traveling, music is suitable for any time of day. Lady GaGa came on and I was in the mood. There is so much uniform scheduled into flights boarding and taking off. But somehow, once the sun is up it easily feels like it’s setting or in the midst of a late morning lullaby.

I have realized I barely took any photographs while visiting home, so unlike me. I guess it’s just something you do when you are trying to grasp more than just a surface memory of a visual experience. I wanted more than just snap shots, more than a story to tell. 

In the whirlwind that was an east coast tour, I questioned a lot, talked A LOT and found that I still really don’t know anything. But I’m learning to let go of that. I’m learning as always to continue to let go of a lot and surrender it.

2:30pm (2:30pm): My heart, I think it might have tried to jump out of my chest and sprint to the end of the run way. With the last few hours of travel I have had many thoughts and many conversations with myself.  I got to speak with the lovely Jenna Michelle and we prayed. It was swell to hear her voice and hear her passions crash through the receiver and into my ear... Into my heart.

Chain reactions: Chains of thoughts slamming through my brain as I continue to pray for these battles and journeys ahead of me. 

All the while my heart is swelling to be here again. It is good.

East Coast

Warm Summer nights...
Fireflies...
Summer rains...
Deep conversation...
Home teams...


It's hard for me to begin somewhere when I have already begun from many different places. Returning however seems to be a lot easier than beginning. What I'm saying is that to begin somewhere can be very exciting, unknown and overwhelming. However, returning to somewhere that you have already had a beginning seems all the more exciting because it's something that you know... but different. It is new, refreshing, enlightening, full of healing and soothing... And I'm not even home yet, but it's a start.

Old places mixed with new surroundings doesn't really change much. Locations of kitchen tables have changed. But conversations are still familiar mixed  with deep debate and discussion that is always welcomed. These last couple of days my head has been wrapped around thoughts I am beginning to see from an outside view, a different perspective. It has been good.

I've been waking up at 9am while my body says, "No way, 6am"! So I sleep until 10am and strut into the humid morning breathing in the Summer air of Birch trees and White Pines.  Walking along a creek and feeling the air heavy in my lungs. It feels so different but the familiar overrides while feeling like a child again.

I have noticed that a lot of times smells specifically have been taking me back to my childhood. Perhaps because that is the slowest most remembered part of my life. Lately I feel that my recent years have been nothing but a whirlwind. Being here, now, entirely...kind of has helped me slow down and realize that I haven't done it until recently more often. Though we should do it EVERYDAY.

My life is changing before my eyes...I keep trying to predict it...It is time to quit that habit. 

Back to Where I Began

August 3rd, 2011

11:43am: I have a corner office with a window view of a world below me that is a beautiful haze…

Side note: I really enjoy when I write and listen to music, while writing a certain word it is also sung through my ears.  “Love will make you beautiful”-The Afters

Like my eyes feel when I’m in between sleep and awake there is something that creates a smile within my being. The thought of flying at speeds I can’t even begin to wrap my head around, to get me back to where I began almost a year ago when I began this journey with a prayer and a phone call. As I walked across the grounds last night, still like so many times, I couldn’t even handle the unreal thought of still not being able to comprehend walking on a path way in the woods of California. I can recall sitting three years ago in front of Amy Smith speaking of this feeling in the depths of me. Speaking of setting my eyes towards the west. Other people to reach out to, Yes there are plenty of people to meet and serve on the east side but the west is becoming louder, deafening compared to when I was eleven and wanting to go to school in Colorado for shredding perks. People, kids, a purpose… And so far it has been good. I reflect on that conversation often.

As I fly through the airwaves and as the clouds to my left resemble scooped ice cream, I pray  thanks that life is not like clouds. Life is something you can grasp.