What Overwhelms You?

.........


But seriously what overwhelms you?


Let me throw some things that seem overwhelming to me lately:

-Jesus

This may seem cliche but it's true. Have you truly thought about Jesus and the things that He has asked of you in the last few weeks, years, your entire life?  Have you thought about the intense love that will consume you if you let it? Have you ever loved someone so deeply and so urgently that your heart almost breaks with the weight that is that feeling of love? Did you know that Jesus' love for you is even stronger, deeper more unbreakable than the sliver of love and compassion you hold?

...I'm overwhelmed at that thought myself.

I've been overwhelmed by a lot of other things lately:
-Wedding planning
-Wedding Budget
-Wedding Expenses
-Getting Married
-The thought of being married
-Trading in my last name
-Living with a boy
-Support Raising
-Rent
-Car payment
-Helthcare
-Insurance
-Feeding myself
-Physical Therapy costs

...Just to name a few.


1If I speak in tongues of men and angels, but did not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but did not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I posses to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.-1 Corinthians 13


What is my point? Well... Telling you the truth and that is this:

Wedding planning... Jesus' love is greater
Wedding Budget... Jesus' love is greater
Wedding Expenses... Jesus' love is greater
Getting Married... Jesus' Love is greater
The thought of being married... Jesus' love is greater
Trading in my last name... Jesus' love is greater
Living with a boy... Jesus' love is greater
Support Raising... Jesus' love is greater
Rent... Jesus' love is greater
Car payment... Jesus' love is greater
Healthcare... Jesus' love is greater
Insurance... Jesus' love is greater
Feeding myself... Jesus' love is greater
Physical Therapy costs... Jesus' love is greater

All things dim in the light of Gods love and passion for me... and you. Just felt like I had to remind you of that today.

Jesus... His love is greater.

-Keep Adventuring.




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Not So Speed Racer.

"1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."-Hebrews 12:1

For a while now, I have been struggling with a lower back injury that has been preventing me from training for a half marathon I am registered to run in Jackson Hole Wyoming with good company on a team call "Run Like the Winded".

This is honeslty one of the first times that I have had an injury that I haven't bounced back from in a week or 2. It has been on going to the point where I have been seeking Physical Therapy and undergoing weekly Dry Needling. I began to wonder if I would ever get better. I had been doing the excecises religiously as well as distracting myself from the pain and lack of doing my "normal" work out regimen with facebook and instagram like whoa. Sitting down once getting home and sometimes wasting up to 2 hours of my time surfing. Before I even realized I had spent 2 weeks maybe more of my time zoned out and trying to ignore things and people around me by trying to numb the idea that I was injured and I couldn't do what I enjoyed and I couldn't prepare for yet ANOTHER race.

Let's backtrack shall we?

For the record I have run 4 major races 3 half Marathons and 1 full marathon with high hopes of adding another one in June In a new state, Wyoming!

1. Lake Placid New York: I was running with a shin injury that I received after almost being attacked by a dog that jumped out and caused me to tweak my leg on an uneven sidewalk.

I still finished! When you body does something for the first time, your body doesn't really understand or believe what you're making it do. It felt pretty miserable. the entire time. Completed the race at 75%.

2. Avenue of the Giants Half Marathon #1: I had spent time training and I felt really good up until 2 days before the race. In that time I began to get a scratchy throat and my nose closed up while my head pounded.

At 4:30am on Race day my head opened and everything began to drain and I ran the race hopped up on cold Meds... Body didn't mind as much because it had run that distance before. But my body was also distracted by the sickness that was within my upper torso. Completed the race at 50%

3. Avenue of The Giants Half Marathon #2: Again spent a long period of time training, taking care of myself and resting to prevent injury and illness... Illness still came...

 I ran with a terrible sinus infection that atleast stayed above my lungs and only caused mental disorientation and a good sense of zoning out from cold Meds. Still conqured but at only 60%.



4. Avenue of the Giants FULL Marathon: Months spent devoted to long runs, sprinting the last lap around the park loop because the sun was down and it creeped me out. Working multiple 12 to 14 hour days at work and basically running whenever I wasn't working. Stress levels ensued and I got one of the worst colds I have ever experienced. My boss reccommended I eat a peice of toast dowsed in minced garlic. It wasn't terrible when I at it before I went to bed the night before the race because I couldn't taste let alone feel the toast in my mouth because my head and lungs were packed with snot. Race morning per usual I popped heavy Cold Meds and ran at 40%.

 

 

Historically, My races days have SUCKED majorly and with this injury I had been feeling VERY discouraged. To the point where I did infact question God in asking if running is something that He was asking me to give up. Why? Perhaps the sport has moved away from time with God instead, I find myself becoming critical, I find myself obsessing over miles and training regimens. I knock myself down when my body can't handle the miles my heart wants to accomplish.

Through all of this the clear answer is NO. God doesn't want me to give up running but to simply refocus my attention to his strength over and over and over again.

From a completely different perspective I see each of these races as God's protection and presence in my life. Running these races in my own strength I would have been passed out at the start line as the germs and injuries pounded my self confidence. I need to remind myself that in 3 of these 4 races I heard God telling me to run not for my glory but for His.

This is the same thing that I am hearing for this quickly approaching race June 4th in Jackson Hole. I haven't run in over a month now and yet I can audibly hear God saying, "you will". It is a constant battle in my heart and mind against the enemy as I feel this continual dull pain in my lower back and hip. But refocusing as well as deleting facebook and Instagram from my phone has helped in loads of different ways. Mainly braking my trances and looking forward to what I can be doing attitude wise and leaning wise upon the Lord to bring me through this season.

He craves my attention and I have been holding back. I want to seek His glory and let Him be known among many. I want His strength to soak me to the bone and beyond to that His temple that is my body maybe glorifying to Him, ALWAYS.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize".-1 Corinthians 9:24



-Keep Adventuring.







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Becoming a "Yeller"

Today... Today marks exactly a month until I depart from my "Maiden" name and become a Holler.

Many people have asked me if I'm going to keep my name or if I'm going to hyphenate both names. My answer is simple yet complex and hard to accept but I am taking Austins last name. I am parting from Middleton, identity, "royalty" to become one with Austin. I am not loosing my identity though. Instead both Austin and I are gaining new identity by joining with God to become one flesh. One flesh that has gained the unique characteristics, talents, gifts, strengths and weaknesses of the other.

 "6But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 7'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."- Mark 10:6-9

But I love my Maiden name. Our family joke has always been with Cousin Kate. I remember being in Salt Lake City spending spring break (which also happened to be the weekend of Cousin Kate and Prince Williams Royal wedding) skiing in Snowbird, Utah and while renting a pair of powder skis the guy standing inline behind me saw my last name on the receipt as I signed. He asked me if there was any relation and I told him straight faced that I was unable to make the wedding because of  conflicted schedules. He looked at me half thinking perhaps I was joking but perhaps I was not... I simply left it at that and walked away. Looking back his mouth was slightly open in pondering.

Oh common! You'd do it too I'm sure!

Another time I was sprinting through the London Airport trying to catch my second flight from South Africa to New York City after a month of ministry. I got to the gate just in time. I handed my passport to the desk person as per usual. She looked at my name then slowly looked back up at me. Mind you we are in Heathrow London International Airport. I gave a little smirk and  put my finger up to my mouth and said "shhh". She laughed and I was on my way.

So departing from Middleton is for sure going to be a sad day as some of my married friends can relate to. But with in that small detachment comes new exciting things!

I am becoming a Holler and God has known this all along. And I must say God introduced the name to me years ago in Sevierville, Tennessee. I was visiting a dear friend of mine after being home in Pennsylvania for Christmas. I flew down to see her before heading back to California to begin the Spring season in the Redwoods.

We had gone out to dinner, raining and no matter where we were the sweet smell of rodadendren soggied the air. It was delightful. She was showing me a little bit of downtown Gatlinburg, TN and there was a popular place called "Moonshine Holler", an ally way of moonshine tasting, At which point I looked perplexed and asked what a "Holler" was. Jenna (my friend) looked at me like I was crazy because I didn't know what a Holler was. I explained that I had never heard the term "Holler". She began to laughed.

Holler: (In case you were interested like I was)
- In the Appalachians it is called a "holler" because the valley between the mountains is so small you don't need to go down the mountain, across the valley and climb but up to speak with someone... You simply "holler" from mountain top to mountain top.

-Used as a Verb and as a noun. You can holler (yell) at someone. Or use it as a location. Some people live up in a "holler" (hollow). As a noun it is used for a narrow valley between mountains.

I couldn't believe it. It just seemed so old fashioned I couldn't imagine people still doing this to each other in the midst of technology and other easier forms of communication.

None the less we had a good laugh about it all and I left for work in California for an additional 3 years. Through so many God events and happenings, God brought me to Laramie Wyoming to pursue Wilderness Ministry. Something He has been preparing me for for a while. As I began to settle in to Laradise, Laramie Wyoming, I was invited over to a friends house for dinner and I accepted. She told me "Holler" was coming too. Perplexed and humored I asked, "What's a Holler". She replied saying that it was Austins last name. I just laughed with my guard up. A few weeks later Austin and I went climbing and then we went to a cafe that led to dinner. I texted Jenna that evening shortly after Austin and I parted from each other and asked her if she remembered that night that we laughed so hard about "Holler" she replied, yes. I told her in all seriousness that God is hilarious and that Holler may actually become my last name some day and how I had just gone on a first date with Austin Holler.

I'm still laughing and life is still happening. In one month I will become a Holler... And I'm finding it difficult to wait. However I am soaking in what is currently still my life as a Middleton and tying up and wrapping up all that this season has to offer in the midst of transitioning.

Next couple of weeks are looking like:

SROMs annual Food Throw is next weekend! This is our ration system and dividing bulk foods purchased for our ration program to weigh out and divy up for food for all of our courses going out this summer. Lots of work but AWESOME company while doing so! We are excited to get the summer season ramped up and kicked off since we have already had a course go out and come back that I helped co-instruct in the Grand Canyon!

One Month Away from becoming a Holler! We are in the final stages of wedding planning! We are rather simple people so there isn't a whole lot to finalize. We are really excited to see friends and family and celebrate! 4 weeks and we are headed to a destination unknown to me. Austins planning the entire Honeymoon! WEEEOOOO!

Injury Updates on my lower back! I've been going to Physical Therapy appointments weekly. They've been doing a little bit of "dry needling". So far I have not been able to run long distances because of the discomfort in my lower back/ right hip. My PT has given me exercises to work on strengthening my glutes and inner thighs. This also helps bring strength to my core and there for making it so my body relies more on all my muscles instead of just my lower back muscles. 
*Please keep praying for my back. June 4th is quickly approaching and we are running a half marathon in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.





-Keep Adventuring






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Journey On: Humility and Grace.

I will be the first to admit for many that humility is something that is very hard to sustain. Humility is hard to maintain. I say this in hope that perhaps as you read further you might understand more of where we fail to humble our selves because of pride or insecurity. Again one of the greatest things is to be able to acknowledge these places deep in the pools of the heart that swirl with seemingly uncontrollable guilt, doubt and fear that somehow we aren't good enough, that for one reason or another we are failures in our own eyes.

I met some incredible people while on course in the Grand Canyon with SROM. Let me tell you the group dynamics were a HOOT and a half. We drove early to get to the trail head because the hike ahead of us would be tedious and draining to get to the Esplanade. As we drove down winding dirt roads and through some rather intense terrain beasting it in our 15 passenger van, I had old thoughts creeping in. We had to park the van 2.5 miles away from the trail head because of  bad road conditions. From there... We began to walk.

Heavy pack and an open heart, I prayed as we began to feel out our packs, our bodies, our feet as we made our way down this road. I was praying for optimism, I was praying that God would use me for whatever it looked like to serve and glorify Him as we stepped deeper into His creation. As we turned the bend our team saw the canyons edge for the first time and many minds were blown.

As we reached the trail head and saw the drop off of the trail as it steeply headed down the white wall of the Grand Canyon, things got real. This was only the second time I had ever been to the Grand Canyon. Of course I was a little nervous. Of course my body remembers the suffer fest that was May 2015 and spending 14 days in the canyon. Would my body feel the same? Would the discomfort distract me from my job and opportunity to connect with students?

Humility: 
-Not proud or arrogant, modest
-Having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience
-Low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc
-Courteously respectful
-To lower in condition
-To destroy the independence, power or will of.
-To make meek
-Reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission

Often times we humble ourselves to others. But something I am realizing more and more is that through struggle and through the feisty and pride, we often need to humble ourselves to...Ourselves.

"To destroy the independence, power or will of". How often have you stolen the blessing from someone who wishes to help you because you think it's best if you just do the task on your own and shutting out opportunity to serve and be served?

I was never created and will never grow into one that can entirely and rightfully be independent. God didn't create me in this image. He didn't create you in this image. This image doesn't even exist.

Truth: He calls us to persevere, He calls up to endure and through it we will gain His strength.
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29
" It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure". 2 Samuel 22:33, Psalm 18:32
"Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees". Job 4:4
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.The Lord is the strength for his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one". Psalm 28:7-8
"You are my strength, I sing to you; you, God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely". Psalm 59:17
"He will stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the Lord, in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God. And they will live securely, for then his greatness will reach to the ends of the earth". Micah 5:4

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come". Proverbs 31:25

Some of the toughest hiking terrain lives within the Grand Canyon. It was never created for us to conquer alone. Just like our own lives. Some of the toughest terrain lives within ourselves amidst the roads we have traveled. And a lot of it has yet to come. The thing about it is that when we choose to walk into the tough regardless, it strengthens us for the rocky, steep and slick terrain ahead of us.

Give your self grace would you? It will bless you and others abundantly.

After our climb back out of the canyon and a van ride back to Utah, This was a continual lesson that continues to percolate into the depths of my soul.Sore feet heal and so do hearts and scars through the pain and the seeming suffer-fests we push and God pulls through.




-Keep Adventuring.


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Journey On:

First day Hiking on the Esplanade Second Layer of the Grand Canyon After the White Wall.

Hike down the Red Wall toward the 3rd layer of the Grand Canyon.

Winding trails among layers after Thunder Falls toward Upper Tapeats. A day away from seeing the Colorado River.

Jacob orienting the team on where we are on the Esplanade before descending the Red Wall Day 2.

Shortly before our descent past Thunder Falls to Upper Tapeats 2 days into the canyon 1 day away from the CO river.

Hike towards Lower Tapeats. The Colorado River out of sight in the distance.

Family photo shortly before Descent past Thunder Falls

Day Hike in Deer Creek and The Narrows after hiking from Lower Tapeats along the Colorado river.

Day hike toward Deer Creek Falls after hiking along the CO river behind us here. (higher elevation on the flatter areas)

River Crossing to Lower Tapeats on our way toward the Colorado river

Look closely.

Deer Creek Falls

Sunrise on the Esplanade- our final morning before hiking up the White Wall.