Becoming a "Yeller"

Today... Today marks exactly a month until I depart from my "Maiden" name and become a Holler.

Many people have asked me if I'm going to keep my name or if I'm going to hyphenate both names. My answer is simple yet complex and hard to accept but I am taking Austins last name. I am parting from Middleton, identity, "royalty" to become one with Austin. I am not loosing my identity though. Instead both Austin and I are gaining new identity by joining with God to become one flesh. One flesh that has gained the unique characteristics, talents, gifts, strengths and weaknesses of the other.

 "6But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 7'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."- Mark 10:6-9

But I love my Maiden name. Our family joke has always been with Cousin Kate. I remember being in Salt Lake City spending spring break (which also happened to be the weekend of Cousin Kate and Prince Williams Royal wedding) skiing in Snowbird, Utah and while renting a pair of powder skis the guy standing inline behind me saw my last name on the receipt as I signed. He asked me if there was any relation and I told him straight faced that I was unable to make the wedding because of  conflicted schedules. He looked at me half thinking perhaps I was joking but perhaps I was not... I simply left it at that and walked away. Looking back his mouth was slightly open in pondering.

Oh common! You'd do it too I'm sure!

Another time I was sprinting through the London Airport trying to catch my second flight from South Africa to New York City after a month of ministry. I got to the gate just in time. I handed my passport to the desk person as per usual. She looked at my name then slowly looked back up at me. Mind you we are in Heathrow London International Airport. I gave a little smirk and  put my finger up to my mouth and said "shhh". She laughed and I was on my way.

So departing from Middleton is for sure going to be a sad day as some of my married friends can relate to. But with in that small detachment comes new exciting things!

I am becoming a Holler and God has known this all along. And I must say God introduced the name to me years ago in Sevierville, Tennessee. I was visiting a dear friend of mine after being home in Pennsylvania for Christmas. I flew down to see her before heading back to California to begin the Spring season in the Redwoods.

We had gone out to dinner, raining and no matter where we were the sweet smell of rodadendren soggied the air. It was delightful. She was showing me a little bit of downtown Gatlinburg, TN and there was a popular place called "Moonshine Holler", an ally way of moonshine tasting, At which point I looked perplexed and asked what a "Holler" was. Jenna (my friend) looked at me like I was crazy because I didn't know what a Holler was. I explained that I had never heard the term "Holler". She began to laughed.

Holler: (In case you were interested like I was)
- In the Appalachians it is called a "holler" because the valley between the mountains is so small you don't need to go down the mountain, across the valley and climb but up to speak with someone... You simply "holler" from mountain top to mountain top.

-Used as a Verb and as a noun. You can holler (yell) at someone. Or use it as a location. Some people live up in a "holler" (hollow). As a noun it is used for a narrow valley between mountains.

I couldn't believe it. It just seemed so old fashioned I couldn't imagine people still doing this to each other in the midst of technology and other easier forms of communication.

None the less we had a good laugh about it all and I left for work in California for an additional 3 years. Through so many God events and happenings, God brought me to Laramie Wyoming to pursue Wilderness Ministry. Something He has been preparing me for for a while. As I began to settle in to Laradise, Laramie Wyoming, I was invited over to a friends house for dinner and I accepted. She told me "Holler" was coming too. Perplexed and humored I asked, "What's a Holler". She replied saying that it was Austins last name. I just laughed with my guard up. A few weeks later Austin and I went climbing and then we went to a cafe that led to dinner. I texted Jenna that evening shortly after Austin and I parted from each other and asked her if she remembered that night that we laughed so hard about "Holler" she replied, yes. I told her in all seriousness that God is hilarious and that Holler may actually become my last name some day and how I had just gone on a first date with Austin Holler.

I'm still laughing and life is still happening. In one month I will become a Holler... And I'm finding it difficult to wait. However I am soaking in what is currently still my life as a Middleton and tying up and wrapping up all that this season has to offer in the midst of transitioning.

Next couple of weeks are looking like:

SROMs annual Food Throw is next weekend! This is our ration system and dividing bulk foods purchased for our ration program to weigh out and divy up for food for all of our courses going out this summer. Lots of work but AWESOME company while doing so! We are excited to get the summer season ramped up and kicked off since we have already had a course go out and come back that I helped co-instruct in the Grand Canyon!

One Month Away from becoming a Holler! We are in the final stages of wedding planning! We are rather simple people so there isn't a whole lot to finalize. We are really excited to see friends and family and celebrate! 4 weeks and we are headed to a destination unknown to me. Austins planning the entire Honeymoon! WEEEOOOO!

Injury Updates on my lower back! I've been going to Physical Therapy appointments weekly. They've been doing a little bit of "dry needling". So far I have not been able to run long distances because of the discomfort in my lower back/ right hip. My PT has given me exercises to work on strengthening my glutes and inner thighs. This also helps bring strength to my core and there for making it so my body relies more on all my muscles instead of just my lower back muscles. 
*Please keep praying for my back. June 4th is quickly approaching and we are running a half marathon in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.





-Keep Adventuring






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Journey On: Humility and Grace.

I will be the first to admit for many that humility is something that is very hard to sustain. Humility is hard to maintain. I say this in hope that perhaps as you read further you might understand more of where we fail to humble our selves because of pride or insecurity. Again one of the greatest things is to be able to acknowledge these places deep in the pools of the heart that swirl with seemingly uncontrollable guilt, doubt and fear that somehow we aren't good enough, that for one reason or another we are failures in our own eyes.

I met some incredible people while on course in the Grand Canyon with SROM. Let me tell you the group dynamics were a HOOT and a half. We drove early to get to the trail head because the hike ahead of us would be tedious and draining to get to the Esplanade. As we drove down winding dirt roads and through some rather intense terrain beasting it in our 15 passenger van, I had old thoughts creeping in. We had to park the van 2.5 miles away from the trail head because of  bad road conditions. From there... We began to walk.

Heavy pack and an open heart, I prayed as we began to feel out our packs, our bodies, our feet as we made our way down this road. I was praying for optimism, I was praying that God would use me for whatever it looked like to serve and glorify Him as we stepped deeper into His creation. As we turned the bend our team saw the canyons edge for the first time and many minds were blown.

As we reached the trail head and saw the drop off of the trail as it steeply headed down the white wall of the Grand Canyon, things got real. This was only the second time I had ever been to the Grand Canyon. Of course I was a little nervous. Of course my body remembers the suffer fest that was May 2015 and spending 14 days in the canyon. Would my body feel the same? Would the discomfort distract me from my job and opportunity to connect with students?

Humility: 
-Not proud or arrogant, modest
-Having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience
-Low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc
-Courteously respectful
-To lower in condition
-To destroy the independence, power or will of.
-To make meek
-Reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission

Often times we humble ourselves to others. But something I am realizing more and more is that through struggle and through the feisty and pride, we often need to humble ourselves to...Ourselves.

"To destroy the independence, power or will of". How often have you stolen the blessing from someone who wishes to help you because you think it's best if you just do the task on your own and shutting out opportunity to serve and be served?

I was never created and will never grow into one that can entirely and rightfully be independent. God didn't create me in this image. He didn't create you in this image. This image doesn't even exist.

Truth: He calls us to persevere, He calls up to endure and through it we will gain His strength.
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29
" It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure". 2 Samuel 22:33, Psalm 18:32
"Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees". Job 4:4
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.The Lord is the strength for his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one". Psalm 28:7-8
"You are my strength, I sing to you; you, God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely". Psalm 59:17
"He will stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the Lord, in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God. And they will live securely, for then his greatness will reach to the ends of the earth". Micah 5:4

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come". Proverbs 31:25

Some of the toughest hiking terrain lives within the Grand Canyon. It was never created for us to conquer alone. Just like our own lives. Some of the toughest terrain lives within ourselves amidst the roads we have traveled. And a lot of it has yet to come. The thing about it is that when we choose to walk into the tough regardless, it strengthens us for the rocky, steep and slick terrain ahead of us.

Give your self grace would you? It will bless you and others abundantly.

After our climb back out of the canyon and a van ride back to Utah, This was a continual lesson that continues to percolate into the depths of my soul.Sore feet heal and so do hearts and scars through the pain and the seeming suffer-fests we push and God pulls through.




-Keep Adventuring.


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Journey On:

First day Hiking on the Esplanade Second Layer of the Grand Canyon After the White Wall.

Hike down the Red Wall toward the 3rd layer of the Grand Canyon.

Winding trails among layers after Thunder Falls toward Upper Tapeats. A day away from seeing the Colorado River.

Jacob orienting the team on where we are on the Esplanade before descending the Red Wall Day 2.

Shortly before our descent past Thunder Falls to Upper Tapeats 2 days into the canyon 1 day away from the CO river.

Hike towards Lower Tapeats. The Colorado River out of sight in the distance.

Family photo shortly before Descent past Thunder Falls

Day Hike in Deer Creek and The Narrows after hiking from Lower Tapeats along the Colorado river.

Day hike toward Deer Creek Falls after hiking along the CO river behind us here. (higher elevation on the flatter areas)

River Crossing to Lower Tapeats on our way toward the Colorado river

Look closely.

Deer Creek Falls

Sunrise on the Esplanade- our final morning before hiking up the White Wall.

Melodic Memories.

Music Triggers a lot of memories... For me at least.

Music that maybe you can't place your finger on the mood you're in so you start flipping through songs to find one that you're content with to sooth that feeling that you have. When a song comes up and it hits you deeply. Flood gates open and you are reminded of years past.

Somehow that mood, that feeling of what you were trying to solve or heal is suddenly magnified by the melodies... And somehow this is OK.

Homesickness for a season or different seasons in life have been on my heart recently. In the midst of joyful wedding planning, my heart has been feeling nostalgic and somewhat longing to be back in those memories if even for just a moment.

A song that comes to mind today is a lovely song that hadn't come into my life until after a season had departed with my friend Jen but made a debut a couple months before we reunited in North Carolina for a beloveds wedding.

While driving in a yellow Camaro in a rainy city neither of us knew, this song came on and we sang it over and over and over again.

Rivers and Roads- The Head and The Heart

Over the last few days I had been thinking of my beloved friend Jen. I had honestly forgotten her Birthday was around now. But I had found myself listening to this song on repeat again when I realized today is Jens Birthday.

Sher and Jen

We're both 29 now and looking back on Jen's 24th Birthday via surprise fiesta, I find it hard to believe how far away this season of our lives has become. Yet when melodies from this season of life come through the air, this season of life feels like yesterday. All while life has been happening, weddings celebrated and love continually being sent from here to there.

Millie (Campbells), Craig (Eagle), Jen (Rogue), Me (NEPA)

"Oh yes, it's ladies night".

These memories bring such joy to my heart. A type of aching joy that you are so thankful that this history happened yet little parts of you long to be back in those moments, momentarily.

Songs like : Home- Edward Sharp & The Magnetic Zeros that stir up nostalgic memories of nights in, nights out, working and laughing hard in the Redwood forest.


 "Now you are the body of Christ, and each on of you is a part of it." 1 Corinthians 12:27

 It was in this forest that God continued to take hold of my heart and I continued to allow him to do it. He put these beloveds in my life and I am forever thankful and grateful for the time we were able to share.

It is this season in particular that I have been delightfully love sick for among the wedding planning and life God has me living in Laradise.

He is so, so good! There is nothing more I can say. He is so good, so faithful and so in love with all that we are.

                                                  

Happy Birthday Jen.

-Keep Adventuring.

Pick Up or Lay It Down.

The truth is we complicate things in our lives far beyond what they really need to be.We plant expectations deep within ourselves and others that we fail to cultivate, properly feed and steward with wisdom from the ultimate gardener.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes?"- Matthew 6:25

These things aren't just material. They are emotional, responsibility, pride, yearning, desire and so many other things that can fog, distract, weigh down and skew our sight away from the importance of leaning hard and fully upon our savior.

"The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."- Zephaniah 3:17

Ultimately there is choice in everything. Choosing to de-clutter VS complain about bills, costs and debts. Choosing to see ourselves and weak but He as strong. He as faithful, He as constant while the rest of these things are merely temporary.

What will you pick up today VS put down? Who will you hand it off to?



-Keep Adventuring.





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Disconnect Through Disco-Tech

I've slept with a fan for as long as I can remember. For reasons seemingly unknown to me I can't describe the way that silence makes me feel. In so many ways I have felt like silence sometimes feels suffocating.

Flashback: I secretly hated slumber parties when I was in grade school. It was a blast until one by one we began to quiet down and lull off to sleep. I slept terribly at slumber parties because often the silence was too much for me to handle. I felt like every movement even a toe that I moved to get comfortable, the rustling in the silence disturbed everyone. So instead, I would lay there until I feel asleep from exhaustion. Often waking up early and not wanting to move but wishing everyone would wake up.

As long as there is something to muffle the sounds interrupting the silence, things are fine. But the silence can be deafening especially when you're in the back country. I use ear plugs... Not only because my tent mate snores but also because it "feels to quiet". More and more we plug things into our ears with white noise, ear plugs, music buds and head phones.

Silence is actually extremely beneficial. We have just become so used to filling this seemingly silent void with noise to distract ourselves from what is really needed... Rest. We become restless because of lack of rest... Because we do not disconnect ourselves from the everyday things that bring meaningless busyness to our lives. Through these situations competition is slowly born and grown into our culture that then breeds social disconnect through Disco-tech.I heard a song recently that seemingly expresses a millennial stepping out of the comforts and the conformity of perceived notion of what it means to be young and "connected". Alessia Cara- Here

More and more many people, millennials and non millennials alike are falling into social media competition addiction. Again Social disconnect through Disco-tech. Our fake selves being put on for an evening out, spending time making these costumes perfect while people are dieing inside, exhausted seeking to find rest while drowning out the silence of own personal judgement of a quiet night in alone seems like failure or unpopularity.

How often do we check our social media and feel that withdraw and fear of missing something so important like a status update or an amazing Instagram of art created in an underlying matter of secret "one-ups" and the quality of the post with per-determined words and hashtags?

Where has inspiration gone? Where has personal relationship gone? Where has silence and peace gone?

Here are a few articles in relation to things that not only I have noticed but indeed others are beginning to take a stand to what it means to be socially accepted, connected or distracted, disconnected and completely blinded by the world.

Is too Much Social Media Use Bad for Teen Health?- By Talal Al-Khat

How much is too much?- By Molly Kimball

An 18- Year- Old Instagram Star Says Her "Perfect Life" Was Actually Making Her Miserable- By Stephanie McNeal

Put your phone down, Close your laptop, put the cover on your ipad, take the buds and head phones out of your ears and get outside or sit in a comfy chair. Go for a walk, run, bike ride, stare at a tree (I've done it, it's awesome!) Feel the wind and be content in the silence that has been given. Don't worry about status updates, or catching a photo of the view your looking at to share with others of how you're "disconnecting"... Disconnect from the thought process of needing to connect!

Just be...

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."- Psalm 46:10





-Keep Adventuring.







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In My Head of Outward Expression.

Recently I've been having really weird dreams. Some silly but many disturbing as my heart and spirit go through the emotions within the dream of heart ache, severe betrayal, loss, and frustration, abandonment. Things make sense yet they don't make sense at all. People I haven't seen or spoken to in years.

I can sense an unclear connection. With in my dreams the main subject is people. I am constantly being abandoned or parted from... people. As disturbing as this feels, I feel like the more disturbing thing about all of this is that In my dreams I can feel myself becoming bitterly numb. I can see through the subjects in my dreams and I am not merciful to them I am the opposite. I am often revengeful with my words. Quick to express what is drooled all over my sleeve left over from the strangling of my heart from so many lost brutal battles in my life and past life.

I have never been good at letting seasons in my life go. I have never been good at saying goodbye to people or understanding why seasons exist in the ways that they do. I have always struggled with feeling disconnected from people when I so badly want to deeply connect with them. So many times people have entered my life and just as quickly as they entered they have vanished or become distant... Or maybe I've put distance between because of past circumstances.

Short seasons of great impact:
- Camp counselors
- Student teachers
- Semester Friends
- Course Instructors
- Bike Tour Mates

In each of these seasons the seasons change. I never thought any of that was possible. But things change constantly, we change constantly. So many parts of me know that through these life lessons, through the heartbreak of goodbye and the dynamic changes, God is crying out for me to seek him instead of rooting myself in... people.

It is something I am continually learning and relearning. It has been very hard for me to grab hold of this understanding and be obedient in it. The desire within me so badly wants to connect with those who are around me and find that deep, deep connection.

I read another blog this morning. A blog that is currently walking through the heartache, struggle and hope of healing. "Day 24"- antifragilesite The very beginning is what struck me most. These words that follow:
"Having expectations seems so harmless and sometimes even beneficial. But why do expectations have the power to cause so much pain and disappointment? I think when we really strip it down, expectations are a focus on 'self'. We have a picture in our heads of how our lives and relationships should look. When those expectations are not met, it messes with our joy."

 Through hearts ripping and through crash and burn expectations I know that God is for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11

My destiny is not to be fragile and broken. God has already redeemed my brokenness and is continually making me whole in Him. But rather I feel continually called to love unconditionally and deal with the heart ache that follows no matter how real and deep it may be. In each of these moments Love is what God calls me towards... No condition should ever prevent that.



- Keep adventuring.





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Work in Progess.

I have been on a rather intense non-stop pace of wanting to do many things all at once. Wanting to prepare myself the best I can for all the things when in truth, I will never be ready in the expectations that we see as "being ready".

For instance...

- I'm running a half marathon in June. I want to prepare and do the best I can for this event.
- I am in the midst of deep prayer about running my first half Ironman in September and feel like as long as I begin a training regimen that equally breaks down swimming, biking and running, I will be more that good to go.
- I'm becoming more involved in my church.
- We are getting married in May and we still have a lot of things to plan and communicate about. In my mind to get things done sooner than later is always better which at times brings me to think irrationally.
- I'm trying to communicate to friends and family about the wedding, life and everything coiciding with it.

I am coming to find that there aren't enough hours in the day to focus on all of these things in a quality manner that I feel each subject deserves.

The temptation of staying busy, active and up to date with life around me, I am realizing, is taking a toll on not only my mind but also my spirit. It's incredible how routine can often destroy us when we least expect it. The routine doesn't always begin instantly. It is a comfort that we don't even realize we seek.

It is having a chai and making another one because I want it and it's comforting to have a hot drink in my hand while I'm trying to concentrate. It can be grouchiness in a conversation because I'm used to going to bed at a certain time but clearly it was important to stay up and have that very important heart to heart with someone you love. It is often choosing to sit one day that turns into a week that can turn into months of couch surfing instead of going for a run or a walk or a bike ride. Routine quickly takes us over, it has the ability to lead us astray because it is predictable. Yet this is not how God created us to be. He created us to trust in Him not in the world of ill predicted weather and self ambition.

These things big or small can very much, slowly but steadily pull us away from the most important things. Trusting God, our relationship with God and the influence of God working in and through us.

"Lord, my Strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress, to you the nations will come from the end of the earth and say, "Our ancestors possessed nothing but false gods, worthless idols that did them no good.""-Jeremiah 16:19

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."- 2 Corinthians 12:9

This scripture stands true to how I (we) should be leaning towards and upon God. When we don't the personal strength that we have is quickly drained. It was never meant to sustain us anyway. Currently I am trying to declutter my mind of all the things that I feel like I need to do and simply bring my days back to God. Hand them back over and say, "Your desires, not mine". "prepare me for this day and this day alone and what you have planned for me not what I have planned for me".

I am a work in progress...




-Keep adventuring.







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