Privileged

In so many ways we are privileged. Work schedules, retirement, income, lifestyles and hobbies. I believe it is a glitch in our culture to gain an understanding of what all we have a RIGHT to and what we have the PRIVILEGE to. May this be a reminder of how blessed we are and how thankful to The Lord God Almighty we should be.


- Keep adventuring.

Mind Wandering Hearts.

I have been feeling this urge to write lately but there isn't much I feel creative upon in writing. There are topics I would like to touch upon like money, the hearts mind wandering or the searing ache in my finger of where skin is absent from climbing away from various things.

Isn't it interesting how we have topics we wish to touch upon but simply feel like there isn't enough interest from other parties let alone yourself to put enough effort into explanations? It's like a good friend who you can simply sit next to and be understood instead of explaining and reexplaining your life story. But it works at the same time because you have to do the uncomfortable some times. You must seek deeper and even though skin scrapes and heart strings are plucked, it is good to speak. It is good to scream it out with the noise of the frustration of gears working in brain cells and eyes strained to make sense of it all... This life in which we can't even begin to know what will actually happen tomorrow. Does it really even exist? Not until the sun rises again. Until then I am left here sitting on a couch in California after a day of rain trekking through mud puddles on the hunt for slugs but discovered worms instead.

There are things on the horizon that I am excited to be getting you back into. And I will be posting less vague updates soon. But until then I will leave you with this bit of wordage:

Utmost:
"Think of the last thing you prayed about-were you devoted to your desire or to God? Was your determination to get some gift of the spirit for yourself or to get to God? "For your Father knows the things you have need before you ask Him"(Matthew 6:8). The reason for Asking is so you may get to know God better. "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4) We should keep praying to get a perfect understanding of God Himself."

Get ready for Round 2!

"And hide your spirit within the vine. Where all things will work by a good design"

There's a song that came into my head from a stereo speaker and a prayer this afternoon that I simply can't allow to passed by in times of various wanderings of the mind. The same happens in the most tragic and the most joyous of times. Does this even make sense? No, but when you hear something that comes along you must listen to it or try to multiple times and the more you listen the more you understand about it and the more becomes unveiled to make sense of what doesn't always make sense...Does THAT make any sense?

I am flawed, I am flawed I am flawed. I will always be flawed as much as I like to try and make things perfect. Whether with my job or relationships or this body that God has made personally for me. I am indeed flawed and will always be flawed. It's a real true thing and a realization that scares and frees you all with in the same breathe. I mess up I allow pride to get in my way a lot and I most certainly deny myself the grace I should give myself and others a lot. It doesn't mean that I don't eventually come to the realization of these flaws. I do and I feel at times there is a moment when I feel and learn that the less time I let pass by holding onto it and just let it go the more I wish I had just let it go.

Do you ever listen to songs on repeat? Sometimes the combination of word expression mixed with chords and truth is just too good to move onto the next selection. So you click the button that brings the loop with the number 1 to the selection and as soon as it ends, it begins again and the lesson continues.

Let me show you

Undertows, Under Toes

The sea intimidates me. As I ran I saw sea kelp mangled and huge like something so alien just like this life feels at times.

As I ran through fog this morning/afternoon, I felt tense. When ever I run at the beach I tend to feel Gods wrath more than His peace at times. And I like it. It is a good reminder that He is powerful. I imagine the powerful waves sweeping me away into the abis. How the semi solid earth, sand that my bare feet sink in upon then quickly disappears into the abis, washing away in the undertow.

I feel Him creep up at my heels with cold salt water of the pacific. Urging me to pick up my feet, pick up the pace... Keep going! I couldn't see past the breakers but I could still feel Him and His overwhelming presence of never ending proof. The ocean is less real than God if you think about it. God created the sea so at one point in time it never existed. Perhaps it was a thought that became earthly reality upon the dawn of creation.

Thankful for the ability and opportunity to dream...





Keep adventuring.

Toy Boats In Bathtubs

Merriam Webster Dictionary Defines:

Surrender:

-To yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand

-To give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

-To give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner

-To give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)

Praise:

-An expression of approval: Commendation

-Worship 

-Value, Merit

-To express a favorable Judgment: Commend

-To glorify (a god or saint) especially by the attribution of perfections

It has sunken a bit deeper than when the first time hearing the words cut me with what seemed like no reason. A complete uncalled for stab to the face. It has sunken enough to nod my head... or shake my head and keep going. Managing to keep my feet moving. Where as for the last week the trigger of it all would ignite memories and questions led to lost breath and more questions.

How could this happen? Why is it happening? There are logical things from Gods perspective. But it was something so unthought of. When you get used to things it's almost worse than it being a new pain sometimes because the severe heart ache of it all sneaks up on you and cuts you to the core leaving you gasping and hollow.

Feeling despair and bruised, these are the key moments when standing isn't necessary. Instead of fighting the urge, we should simply fall to our knees and raise our hands.

Surrender...Throw everything aside and raise your white flag and lay it at the foot of the cross. In these moments when we feel like we can't do anything... helpless. It is the most helpful thing we can do.

It's funny because it's true when we react to things we don't understand, "curve balls"..."It's not apart of the plan". Not our plan at least. But it is where we surrender from exhaustion that we realize we could have been strengthened all along instead of playing a loosing game of Tug-a-war. It is where we are laying face down before God petrified of truths but faithful in outcomes. Faithful in surrender. Many things that overwhelm constantly... But God is so much bigger than all of it.

Rejoice:

-To give joy to

-To feel joy or great delight

Lament:

-To mourn out loud

-To regret strongly

1 Peter 4:13

"But Rejoice in as much as you participate in sufferings of Christ, so that you may be over joyed when His glory is revealed".

Psalm 102:1

[ Psalm 102 ] [ Aprayer of an afflicted person who has grown weak and pours out a lament before the Lord.] Hear my prayer, Lord; let my cry for help come to you.

We mustn't give up.

Continental Dividing

Back dated: Jan. 4th, 2013 11:01pm

I don't know how or why and I don't even care, but I laugh so hard when I'm with these three. Craig, Connor and Ellen. And though I am sad a little to leave tomorrow, it is time. I feel little bits of me staying in so many places but I'm so blessed.

I mean look at where I've been in the last two months alone. South Africa, New York City, Mountains in Pennsylvania, Colorado and back to California.

Africa, Concrete Jungle (where dreams are made of), Mountains/snow, Redwood trees. Places, faces, emotions and spaces in between the walls of this heart and I can't bare for it to be known at times because the senses and perspective reflected is simply too much to handle.

I don't want these days to end. I don't want these places, faces, emotions and spaces to fade even a shade lighter and far away than the day when it all began. It all begins some where. So does that mean there will always be an end? Was there ever a beginning to God? He is the only thing that has never begun or will never end.

It is amazing to know that seasons fall perfectly into place and how things can bloom more after something has already existed.

I have been growing fonder of the custom of asking people what their favorite song is. I like finding out and listening to it because I know that it strikes that chord with people. I know that that feeling you get when you listen to a really good song one that you feel like you could listen to over and over and it would never get old. An anthem, a memoir, a sound track. I like asking because I like hearing and when I hear it makes me think of them and there for I pray for them. They are good key reminders perhaps of where God needs my heart to seek out community and attention to those who have impacted me and have equally been impacted by God... And continue to be.

Rooted.

We stood around an island of moss yesterday. My vision focused in and out of the shadows of branch arms waving hello to our company and I could feel my heart sway with my body. We never stand quite as still as we believe. I closed my eyes and tried to be as still as possible. I could feel the weight shift on my toes to my heels, through my knees and hips while I swayed like the trees above us do so swiftly. Except, I didn't want to be moved. I wanted to physically be still before the Lord. Put all my movement into Him.

I have noticed that my heart has faltered like my balance more than several times this week alone. Like when you're about to fall asleep and your body jolts. I feel these flickers of light and breathe slowly jolting me back to where I am. As I looked around I noticed everyone swaying. Everyone in motion. I wondered how much they noticed it. Movements of ankles, knees, etc while we focus on other aspects of life. All the while what is truly holding us up, what is helping us to see, breathe, stand and speak is Gods creation with in us and His divine workings with in each of us, causing individuality.

 How do I get these thoughts from swaying on a trail? What does it matter? Because it doesn't matter. Not in a sense that it would make any logical sense except to prove the divine power of God. To have a thought, simplicity in observation spark something beautiful.

There have been many hours where I feel I have been greatly over thinking very small things. Becoming discouraged while equally trying to surrender many things. And yet if God can create me with these desires deep with in who I am, there are many more things beneath the surface, more detail, like muscles in motion, tendons and blood vessels. Nerves that are pinched with impatience creating the sense of urgency and pressure I put on my own shoulders daily instead of surrendering it entirely. I'd rather sit on it like a foot, allowing it to fall asleep instead of allowing Father God to revive me when ever I feel like I'm experiencing heart failure. It is something I am reminded to work on, on a daily basis.

Trees sway... As do we.