Ever have those moments where sense of smell triggers a memory?
I was on my run this evening, weaving through the quiet streets when I was running past a church. I stopped dead in my tracks because I smelled a perfume that smelled so much like my second grade teacher, Mrs. Schiffer. The smell was so strong I though she was standing right next to me, waiting to check my reading work book and my cursive hand writing that I believe I never really got the hang of. I turned around to look down the dark damp street to see nothing but distant headlights and a few flickering street lamps. How strange. a very distinct perfume mixed with mint Double Bubble bubble gum. It threw me right out of my rather awesome pace I was holding. Still really random though.
"In othah nutz!" I enjoyed a wonderful stroll through some open fields this afternoon with Moma Jude. I really enjoy our conversations and plan on finding myself over at her house more often.I don't say this because she feeds me incredible dishes (After all because of her daughter who I spent 2 years living with, quickly threw me out of my picky eating season) but I really enjoy hearing about what God's been doing in other peoples lives no matter what the circumstances.
Which is one of the reasons I have been rather antsy. I so wish I could be a fly on the wall roaming the streets of South Africa, seeing what the team is up to and what they are doing with their days. Who they've met, How the Lord is working through them to reach so many people and see how much Gods glorious love is touching them and so many around them. What an incredible experience .It's currently 3:07 am there...I wonder what they are dreaming about.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Coast to Coast
Today I feel it.
I'm becoming very itchy.
I can feel it coming on...An adventure. As I dropped my mom off this morning at work I looked at the airport terminals in the distance and longed for getting on one of those planes. To go somewhere, anywhere. It's one of those itches that only open roads and a good play list can really scratch (I feel I've read that somewhere before). My car is in California enjoying the fog of the Redwoods...Hopefully a massive branch hasn't fallen on her yet...Hey it could happen and has happened.
I looked at my calender last night while checking to see what time it was in South Africa and realized that it is only the beginning of my 3rd week home. 6 more weeks...An adventure is long over due. With the rain upon us and no sight of the white stuff anytime soon, it's time I put my feet in motion and do a bit of traveling....But how? Hmmm only time will tell where I'm headed.
As I woke up this morning from an assortment of very odd dreams one including a friend who claimed her calling was in Canada to backpack...Along with a lot of random waking up and stripping my mocks off because my feet were toasty. Regardless I woke up thinking about a nickname I had been given while in California. By a curly headed kid whom I'm pretty sure knew everything about anything. Wild eyed, heart of gold, Ely. He was about as tall as my hip and had a fiery passion to learn and laugh.
I am terrible when it comes to remembering names. I will be the first to admit it too. I could remember your face till the end of time. Ask me what your name is, donezo. My learning style is visual and tactile learning or repetition. So when someone tells me their name I often will repeat it both out loud in my head for a while...but will most likely forget again. I think my favorite game to play to learn names (that I can't often do in small groups but still participate in my head) is Names in Motion. You pick a motion or an adjective that describes you. That adjective must also begin with the same letter as your first name. You do the motion and repeat the word with your name.
My first day with Ely in our awesome animal group, the Grizzly's, I came up with "Nimbly-NEPA" as I wiggled around, everyone else repeated after me and we slowly worked our way around the circle. Some kids didn't fully comprehend the concept of picking something with the same first letter as their names or even an adjective. Like Ninja, Reuben... But I still remember him! Elegant Ely was the final in our circle. We quickly moved from our game to our hike underneath the massive giants that shaded our path to help us make awesome discoveries. As we walked up the trail around the corner of a round redwood, Ely came running up to me saying, "Nimbly!! Nimbly!! Look what I found!" As I laughed out loud he showed me with pride the awesome piece of fungus he had discovered on a dead damp stump. Witches Jelly to be specific. He remembered my name!!...Well something that relates to my name. I corrected him but he called me Nimbly for the rest of the week. I was totally fine with it.
Later that week his Dad being one of the counselors, decided to tag along for our Geology and Stream class for the morning. Turns out Ely knows so much because his Dad knows a lot about Geology. While we went over tectonic plates and how the rock cycle moves, I had the Grizzly's split into their cabin groups with their counselors for a challenge. They must come up with a 30 second skit to explain how the rock cycle works and what it is. GO! As I was walking around from group to group to check on how their ideas were coming along, Ely's Dad came up to me and began to tell me about why Ely knows so much about geology specifically. I wasn't very surprised about why because this man was a rock enthusiast. Enjoying geology to the fullest. Hey good for him to have a great hobby. However, it went far deeper than that. It was a fairly new passion. Not even as old as 10 year old Ely. John, the Dad, began to tell me about how shortly after Ely was born, him and his wife took a trip to Hawaii. They took a hike to to the mouth of a volcano that had been dormant for over 100 years. While they were at the mouth, they heard a tremendous rumble. then an explosion. He explained that in front of them this volcano was errupting and with out gentle warning. Boulder sized pieces of debris were ejecting from the pressures filled belly of this beast and they were witnessing it. As everyone else was trying not to panic and find cover, they began to slide down the outside of the volcano, Looking up John said there was a massive boulder heading straight towards them. There was no way to get out of the way. Then out of nowhere the boulder took another path went a completely different direction mere feet from him and his wife. He looked me square in the eye and told me it was something not of this world. Something or someone glorious.
I had forgotten I was teaching class. I had forgotten I was in California. I had forgotten that anything existed. I had chills while John went on to tell me that through the grace of God him and his wife were still alive to return home to take care of their little boy, their only child whom at the time was only 8 months old. Because of that, Ely's passion for rocks from his Dad makes it all the more incredible. Ely loves when his Dad tells the story. And I'm so joyful for that friendly reminder of how righteous our creator is. How often we sometimes forget when we are so focused on the world itself and only what is right in front of us. That week I taught the kids so much about so many cool things of this earth and with out even asking, learned so much from those kids. Both about the earth and about smiles, laughter and enthusiasm.
I can't ever forget Elegant Ely and his Dad. So I believe I never will.
I'm becoming very itchy.
I can feel it coming on...An adventure. As I dropped my mom off this morning at work I looked at the airport terminals in the distance and longed for getting on one of those planes. To go somewhere, anywhere. It's one of those itches that only open roads and a good play list can really scratch (I feel I've read that somewhere before). My car is in California enjoying the fog of the Redwoods...Hopefully a massive branch hasn't fallen on her yet...Hey it could happen and has happened.
I looked at my calender last night while checking to see what time it was in South Africa and realized that it is only the beginning of my 3rd week home. 6 more weeks...An adventure is long over due. With the rain upon us and no sight of the white stuff anytime soon, it's time I put my feet in motion and do a bit of traveling....But how? Hmmm only time will tell where I'm headed.
As I woke up this morning from an assortment of very odd dreams one including a friend who claimed her calling was in Canada to backpack...Along with a lot of random waking up and stripping my mocks off because my feet were toasty. Regardless I woke up thinking about a nickname I had been given while in California. By a curly headed kid whom I'm pretty sure knew everything about anything. Wild eyed, heart of gold, Ely. He was about as tall as my hip and had a fiery passion to learn and laugh.
I am terrible when it comes to remembering names. I will be the first to admit it too. I could remember your face till the end of time. Ask me what your name is, donezo. My learning style is visual and tactile learning or repetition. So when someone tells me their name I often will repeat it both out loud in my head for a while...but will most likely forget again. I think my favorite game to play to learn names (that I can't often do in small groups but still participate in my head) is Names in Motion. You pick a motion or an adjective that describes you. That adjective must also begin with the same letter as your first name. You do the motion and repeat the word with your name.
My first day with Ely in our awesome animal group, the Grizzly's, I came up with "Nimbly-NEPA" as I wiggled around, everyone else repeated after me and we slowly worked our way around the circle. Some kids didn't fully comprehend the concept of picking something with the same first letter as their names or even an adjective. Like Ninja, Reuben... But I still remember him! Elegant Ely was the final in our circle. We quickly moved from our game to our hike underneath the massive giants that shaded our path to help us make awesome discoveries. As we walked up the trail around the corner of a round redwood, Ely came running up to me saying, "Nimbly!! Nimbly!! Look what I found!" As I laughed out loud he showed me with pride the awesome piece of fungus he had discovered on a dead damp stump. Witches Jelly to be specific. He remembered my name!!...Well something that relates to my name. I corrected him but he called me Nimbly for the rest of the week. I was totally fine with it.
Later that week his Dad being one of the counselors, decided to tag along for our Geology and Stream class for the morning. Turns out Ely knows so much because his Dad knows a lot about Geology. While we went over tectonic plates and how the rock cycle moves, I had the Grizzly's split into their cabin groups with their counselors for a challenge. They must come up with a 30 second skit to explain how the rock cycle works and what it is. GO! As I was walking around from group to group to check on how their ideas were coming along, Ely's Dad came up to me and began to tell me about why Ely knows so much about geology specifically. I wasn't very surprised about why because this man was a rock enthusiast. Enjoying geology to the fullest. Hey good for him to have a great hobby. However, it went far deeper than that. It was a fairly new passion. Not even as old as 10 year old Ely. John, the Dad, began to tell me about how shortly after Ely was born, him and his wife took a trip to Hawaii. They took a hike to to the mouth of a volcano that had been dormant for over 100 years. While they were at the mouth, they heard a tremendous rumble. then an explosion. He explained that in front of them this volcano was errupting and with out gentle warning. Boulder sized pieces of debris were ejecting from the pressures filled belly of this beast and they were witnessing it. As everyone else was trying not to panic and find cover, they began to slide down the outside of the volcano, Looking up John said there was a massive boulder heading straight towards them. There was no way to get out of the way. Then out of nowhere the boulder took another path went a completely different direction mere feet from him and his wife. He looked me square in the eye and told me it was something not of this world. Something or someone glorious.
I had forgotten I was teaching class. I had forgotten I was in California. I had forgotten that anything existed. I had chills while John went on to tell me that through the grace of God him and his wife were still alive to return home to take care of their little boy, their only child whom at the time was only 8 months old. Because of that, Ely's passion for rocks from his Dad makes it all the more incredible. Ely loves when his Dad tells the story. And I'm so joyful for that friendly reminder of how righteous our creator is. How often we sometimes forget when we are so focused on the world itself and only what is right in front of us. That week I taught the kids so much about so many cool things of this earth and with out even asking, learned so much from those kids. Both about the earth and about smiles, laughter and enthusiasm.
I can't ever forget Elegant Ely and his Dad. So I believe I never will.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Pink Walls and Crumbling Streets
I turned the opposite direction this morning as I walked right around the corner of my street instead of left to take me the normal route through the park down to Northern Light. Instantly I was greeted by colors of red, purple, vibrant green, white and a deep blue. As I saw the woman gardening I smiled. I told her it looked beautiful she replied with a smile, "you know sometimes you just need to add some more color to the seasons". How true neighbor, how true. I bid her a good afternoon and continued my stroll.
As I descended down the hill while listening to some good John Mayer, Wheel, I thought about what that woman had said. I am noticing so much color to these seasons. Though a lot of the natural life is headed to bed for the preparation of the incoming gentle yet tremendously overwhelming blankets of snow that will soon be welcomed with excited rosy cheeks and mittens. oooooooo, mittens they are one of the best inventions of all time. In past seasons here on the east coast I have remembered so many holiday seasons of seeing the seasons change and seeing how so much changes but no matter what, that first flurry or that first actual blanket the same feeling always seems to generate and grow in the deepest part of your rib cage, causing you to smile and sigh. I can recall last Christmas eve after returning from church, walking up the front walk as it began to snow heavy flakes. while looking up the street to see three little sisters in their night gowns laughing and running down their own walk across the street to put out "reindeer food" for Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph. So excited for what the morning would bring.
Noticing color in seasons. There are so many different colors that can be produced. Personalities, journeys, people, situations, thoughts, questions. So many of these things create so many different colors and tastes to each season that passes. My friends have brought so much color to my seasons recently. Some are more relaxed more quiet. Like flowers in a garden we have rare pink lady-slippers and relaxed lavender. Gerber Daisy's and brilliant partridge berry mixed with sturdy sunflowers. All creating such a wonderful full feeling of joy and beauty. Full fertile communities with such a wonderfully warm reminder that Gods creations are so incredibly well designed and placed in such amazing areas to show us how amazing it all really is...Life, how divine.
Walking down this completely different street, a street that again I have driven down so many times. There are so many closed buildings. So much abandonment and so much decay. Pink walls and crumbling streets. Yet having its own unique beauty blooming. I saw a tire swing on a corner hanging from a beautiful tree in the front yard of an elegant home to which then I wondered, who's been on it? Even in the heart of a city like this one, it's nice to see not everyone takes life so seriously.
As I descended down the hill while listening to some good John Mayer, Wheel, I thought about what that woman had said. I am noticing so much color to these seasons. Though a lot of the natural life is headed to bed for the preparation of the incoming gentle yet tremendously overwhelming blankets of snow that will soon be welcomed with excited rosy cheeks and mittens. oooooooo, mittens they are one of the best inventions of all time. In past seasons here on the east coast I have remembered so many holiday seasons of seeing the seasons change and seeing how so much changes but no matter what, that first flurry or that first actual blanket the same feeling always seems to generate and grow in the deepest part of your rib cage, causing you to smile and sigh. I can recall last Christmas eve after returning from church, walking up the front walk as it began to snow heavy flakes. while looking up the street to see three little sisters in their night gowns laughing and running down their own walk across the street to put out "reindeer food" for Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph. So excited for what the morning would bring.
Noticing color in seasons. There are so many different colors that can be produced. Personalities, journeys, people, situations, thoughts, questions. So many of these things create so many different colors and tastes to each season that passes. My friends have brought so much color to my seasons recently. Some are more relaxed more quiet. Like flowers in a garden we have rare pink lady-slippers and relaxed lavender. Gerber Daisy's and brilliant partridge berry mixed with sturdy sunflowers. All creating such a wonderful full feeling of joy and beauty. Full fertile communities with such a wonderfully warm reminder that Gods creations are so incredibly well designed and placed in such amazing areas to show us how amazing it all really is...Life, how divine.
Walking down this completely different street, a street that again I have driven down so many times. There are so many closed buildings. So much abandonment and so much decay. Pink walls and crumbling streets. Yet having its own unique beauty blooming. I saw a tire swing on a corner hanging from a beautiful tree in the front yard of an elegant home to which then I wondered, who's been on it? Even in the heart of a city like this one, it's nice to see not everyone takes life so seriously.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Goosebumps are the norm these days.
After thinking about how far off topic my mind had been getting to then completely going off my rocker in reaction to an unfolding of events, I realized I had never actually finished my thoughts on being a "Little One" in a place that seemed so huge. Growing up in a light blue house with what seemed like the great open fields of Switzerland... Yes you can totally sing "The hills are a live", if that helps you put in a better picture of how I felt being 3'3and 1/4". Running around in a blue bathing suite with awesome multi-color buttons down the front in the summer climbing on everything I could reach. In the winter I can remember sledding and sweating trying to get up what were massive mounds and drifts. Being thrown off to be pinned by snow leaving me breathless yet content. I can also recall a trip to the emergency room where I had my little face x-rayed because the glorious feeling of thinking I was a penguin and then tripping and loosing my other front tooth from face meeting an ice puddle while gliding along.
Would you believe that after that I didn't have two front teeth for 4 years...4 years! I have 4 school pictures, one with an awesome pink turtle neck where I didn't have my corn chompers. Yeah imagine that awesome face digging into an ear without the those two crucial components.
In my white red and green flannel night gown (yes, super stylish and crazy comfortable with a great bow.)with a muffle and a whistle of a song at the top of my little lungs singing "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth"...4 years.
and just like that I can recall fast forwarding to the days of wandering into the coolest natural store in the mall being mesmerized by all the little awesome trinkets and toys. Rain sticks, goo in a cup, crazy glasses, optical illusions and edible bubbles, Grape flavor, they were pretty stellar. We always looked but never actually purchased. That place was so neat!
Living in that sky blue house wracking leaves and jumping in them. Climbing to the very top of the orange, yellow and brown mountain. My knight in shinning armor giving me a boost into the heart of the cave, where I found Peter, the greatest dog, my favorite miniature companion.
October skys with pumpkin leaf bags looking at us as we look out the kitchen windows in the distance while I am standing on a chair with a floral seat cover scooping goo out of the brain of a brilliantly large pumpkin.
Hey why do pumpkins always have such silly smiles on their faces?...You'd have a goofy smile too if someone scooped your brains out!"
Lighting them and heading out for the 4th year in a row of being a Big bird or a Vampire or a Ninja. Stealing my brothers candy because he always had better stuff then me. Why does that always seem to be the case? Brothers always seem to have the cool stuff. An abundance of Peanut butter cups. So unfair.
Climbing gracefully (in my head) to grab the key on top of the massive cupboard that my mom keeps all her trinkets on that I continue to fall into a deep interest with. Pulling out my uncles extremely old glasses out of the very small very old very authentic vintage dark brown leather case with a snap. Putting them on and pretending I was some ticket clerk selling movie tickets on a oriental rug, in my cardboard box. Along with many other characters I recall. A news anchor, Huckleberry Finn, a paper boy, Peter Pan...I was a huge Tom boy... is it obvious or is it just me?
My best childhood friend, Marian, and I would go off and climb trees, build forts for hours and build rafts. Hike for what seemed like forever but never completely out of ear shot for late afternoon snacks.
So many places have been explored and so many dreams have been made. So many ambitions and so many desires to be someone. To create, embark and adventure. These stories could easily continue into the tiny hours of the morning, However I think I will save more of these wandering memories for another time.
I have always admired people. Characters, both real and imaginary. I enjoy the thought of taking a piece of them and taking it with me. To bring them with me and show others through my own interpretation, my own memory of how great amazing influences can be. Each of these Characters or influences are why I am the way that I am. Why I act the way that I do and why I continue to grow and adapt. At times I wonder if it is a good thing or something to not be so proud of because It's not entirely me. But who am I? How can you be completely you with out really taking form of someone else or taking bits of many and creating your own out of it?
In this current whirlwind of seasons I find that one of my influences I strive above anyone else to be like. My man Jesus. If there's anything that I would want to be like it's him. Selfless and real. learning him and all that surround him better to create an impact so large at times it is mentally unbearable because it is just so amazing. Serving through Him and my Father so far have been great "carry-ons" of an impression I want to leave.
I am excited to venture more and get my hands dirty, get my knees muddy while listening and learning more about this amazing influence and relationship I am building.
To explore the very depths of his resurrection...
...Goosebumps are the norm these days.
Would you believe that after that I didn't have two front teeth for 4 years...4 years! I have 4 school pictures, one with an awesome pink turtle neck where I didn't have my corn chompers. Yeah imagine that awesome face digging into an ear without the those two crucial components.
In my white red and green flannel night gown (yes, super stylish and crazy comfortable with a great bow.)with a muffle and a whistle of a song at the top of my little lungs singing "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth"...4 years.
and just like that I can recall fast forwarding to the days of wandering into the coolest natural store in the mall being mesmerized by all the little awesome trinkets and toys. Rain sticks, goo in a cup, crazy glasses, optical illusions and edible bubbles, Grape flavor, they were pretty stellar. We always looked but never actually purchased. That place was so neat!
Living in that sky blue house wracking leaves and jumping in them. Climbing to the very top of the orange, yellow and brown mountain. My knight in shinning armor giving me a boost into the heart of the cave, where I found Peter, the greatest dog, my favorite miniature companion.
October skys with pumpkin leaf bags looking at us as we look out the kitchen windows in the distance while I am standing on a chair with a floral seat cover scooping goo out of the brain of a brilliantly large pumpkin.
Hey why do pumpkins always have such silly smiles on their faces?...You'd have a goofy smile too if someone scooped your brains out!"
Lighting them and heading out for the 4th year in a row of being a Big bird or a Vampire or a Ninja. Stealing my brothers candy because he always had better stuff then me. Why does that always seem to be the case? Brothers always seem to have the cool stuff. An abundance of Peanut butter cups. So unfair.
Climbing gracefully (in my head) to grab the key on top of the massive cupboard that my mom keeps all her trinkets on that I continue to fall into a deep interest with. Pulling out my uncles extremely old glasses out of the very small very old very authentic vintage dark brown leather case with a snap. Putting them on and pretending I was some ticket clerk selling movie tickets on a oriental rug, in my cardboard box. Along with many other characters I recall. A news anchor, Huckleberry Finn, a paper boy, Peter Pan...I was a huge Tom boy... is it obvious or is it just me?
My best childhood friend, Marian, and I would go off and climb trees, build forts for hours and build rafts. Hike for what seemed like forever but never completely out of ear shot for late afternoon snacks.
So many places have been explored and so many dreams have been made. So many ambitions and so many desires to be someone. To create, embark and adventure. These stories could easily continue into the tiny hours of the morning, However I think I will save more of these wandering memories for another time.
I have always admired people. Characters, both real and imaginary. I enjoy the thought of taking a piece of them and taking it with me. To bring them with me and show others through my own interpretation, my own memory of how great amazing influences can be. Each of these Characters or influences are why I am the way that I am. Why I act the way that I do and why I continue to grow and adapt. At times I wonder if it is a good thing or something to not be so proud of because It's not entirely me. But who am I? How can you be completely you with out really taking form of someone else or taking bits of many and creating your own out of it?
In this current whirlwind of seasons I find that one of my influences I strive above anyone else to be like. My man Jesus. If there's anything that I would want to be like it's him. Selfless and real. learning him and all that surround him better to create an impact so large at times it is mentally unbearable because it is just so amazing. Serving through Him and my Father so far have been great "carry-ons" of an impression I want to leave.
I am excited to venture more and get my hands dirty, get my knees muddy while listening and learning more about this amazing influence and relationship I am building.
To explore the very depths of his resurrection...
...Goosebumps are the norm these days.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Word Regurgitation
My feet have been hitting these streets, these streets of Scranton where I thought I knew my way so well. Yet I have only just begun to discover how much I really don't know about this place. With this new untamed schedule of mine I'm finding that my brain is still adjusting to the new found freedom of retired student status. Scranton, a place so many people I have met, know of, yet know as much as I do. I've lived around this city for as long as I can remember. Driving down the streets that have since been painted with green lines from the celebrations of St. Patty's day. Stopping at little shops that have created my love for cute crafty trinkets. Which brings me to another memory.(this entry may just take me where ever on a memory marathon.) My Mom had this amazing trinket cupboard in our living room back when I lived on North Abington Rd, in the rolling that connected Clarks Summit, Clarks Green and Waverly.....
Hold the phone this entry is about to get extremely ADHD
My Mom the just picked up the mail and handed it to me. Suddenly my reminiscent mood of remembering simple times has been completely shattered with a sickening yank from the back of my belly button. Loans. $39,995 worth of payments for the next 20+ years of my life. Another life time. Though I can't currently breathe because I am so knocked out of the reminder of this material thing in which I do not hold any of it, I am thankful that I was not blessed with the mind to become a doctor. However those of you who have been, I am extremely happy that you will be able to withstand the pressure that is of this world with everything that comes with it. I give you many thanks for what you are enthralling yourselves in and what you will truthfully accomplish with passing days.
My debt at times overwhelms me. Yes it is official, I am overwhelmed. Speaking with loan agentcies and figuring out how my interest rates wont go up while I'm working in the woods for practically nothing, while I imagine these people in cubicals and ties looking at my every move to try and catch me not doing a good enough job at getting a salary based job to pay back the education in which I indebted myself before I completely understood the end result of college. While at the same time it all makes me all the more excited about where I am in my life.
I work in the Redwood Forest, teaching kids about the incredible environment that has been created by an amazing creator. I walked away from Penn State with indeed a $40,000 piece of paper that now sits on the coffee table in a white envelope collecting dust. Yes I am somewhat doing what I am "qualified" to do. (let me get back on subject) I left Penn State with no real plan or understanding in mind what I would be doing further down this road, this beaten path. All I knew was that I was returning to Cayuga for another summer. After August 18th, who knew? Only God. Was I worried though? No, actually i felt extremely calm about it. Which to my surprise made people feel somewhat uneasy around me. Friends applying, applying, applying. For jobs. anything to get them to where they wanted to be. The only thing I wanted was to be out of Scranton for a while. Even then I didn't really know what I wanted. I didn't do a whole lot to help the situation with my vary laid back "whatever happens happens" attitude. At the same time though it was causing me to feel a live. To see for the first time that I didn't have anything planned out for myself and I would just go where ever I was led. So when the 18th of August came about I had already been antsy to get going 2 weeks prior. I sat in the Boarders Cafe where I had hung out years past before making many of my adventures of growing a little bit older, a little bit wiser. All while seeing familiar faces fade and new faces enter.
Sitting for 3 days I ventured into the the internet and searched with wonder and awe of jobs I had always dreamed of having, out of state, out of country. Out of site out of mind for the first three years of my life because I had other things to focus on. Why? Because I tend to get to into an idea and literally will drop everything to do something if it moves me enough. My mom wouldn't have been very pleased nor would I have been very pleased with the life I would have led after that random non-thought process of an adventure. No applying to random Adventure camps in other countries and seeing what my true potential may hold for these jobs straight our of school gave me a bit of an adrenalin rush. In a single day I had replys to emails and applications with interests of working VISAS and Passports. I knew I wanted to venture outside my comfort zone, but I wasn't sure how far. I stumbled upon a naturalist position on day 3 of my experimental search and applied. I applied with a bit of a tickle in my stomach at the though of anyone actually taking me seriously. What kind of a experienced person could a freshly born adult like me possibly be able to provide to a well oiled machine. Real world? College doesn't really train them like they used to. (At the same time can the real world really prepare us for school or the lifestyle we really want to live?) I recieved an email 2 days later, a phone interview an hour later "and 4 days after that I was in my car driving across the country." It seems that that is always how I end my story. In reality that was only the beginning.
Which brings me to my point after a very long explanation. I didn't know what I was going to do. Yet God provided and in what a loving encouraging way He did. It has made me realize that I do need to trust more and remember that He will provide. one of my testimonies is certainly my trip West. Yes I am scared thinking about Loans. In fact going off and explaining what ive been experiencing has calmed me a lot however that single word can create screaming Chaos of earthquakes in my head to the point where I can feel the rumbles causing my knees to shake. Loans. I just received a letter stating I had a certain amount I didn't know about that is due earlier than the amount I DID know about.I'm in no way a fan of money or the luxuries that come from it. If I could walk on water, I'd be set when it came to my desires of travel and seeking this world and all of its mysterious wonders. However I can walk on water just as much as I can turn water to wine. I am only another human with another stressor about something that is rather small compared to a lot of other things in life.
So there for I pull myself back. I will get through this. Somehow. I have been shown multiple times that I panic too soon and should most likely take another step back after I've already told myself to do so in the first place. To not look so far ahead and see how far away the finish really is but rather take in the detail around me look at each crack on the sidewalks and I wonder up these streets I've driven but never walked before seeing how the higher you go the nicer the homes while you round the corner and only a block below see how different life is with ripped screens and broken windows. Weaving in and out of these loud yet quiet streets of Scranton. A place where I have always lived but never discovered.
Take a breathe, hold it in, feel the breeze of these end of autumn days, and let it go. Where ever you are be all there. And take it in, because it's all beautiful. Even the little meaningless trinkets that are so clever and detailed.
Thinking about all that I just wrote I can only think of my friend, Jamie Zackavitch. I literally just puked on paper. She is someone who I truly admire for having a more healthy/positive form of bulimia. She was famous in college for sitting next to me in classes where during exams I would often feel like I wrote an entire book when I would look over at her to get up and hand my exam in, I would feel rather unaccomplished with the cramp in my right hand because she would still be writing away at a novel. At times I feel she perhaps memorized the entire text of our classes but I admired her knowledge of information regurgitation. Though she would admit that most of it didn't always make sense or mesh the best, I believe that her points were still taken into major consideration and possibly a cure for something whether it be cancer or a blackened heart, she most certainly held a remedy in there. Thanks Jamie, for bringing a smile to my face. For pouring your heart out on exams, in our major and even with your passions. It makes me want to puke on paper more often.
I love it!
Hold the phone this entry is about to get extremely ADHD
My Mom the just picked up the mail and handed it to me. Suddenly my reminiscent mood of remembering simple times has been completely shattered with a sickening yank from the back of my belly button. Loans. $39,995 worth of payments for the next 20+ years of my life. Another life time. Though I can't currently breathe because I am so knocked out of the reminder of this material thing in which I do not hold any of it, I am thankful that I was not blessed with the mind to become a doctor. However those of you who have been, I am extremely happy that you will be able to withstand the pressure that is of this world with everything that comes with it. I give you many thanks for what you are enthralling yourselves in and what you will truthfully accomplish with passing days.
My debt at times overwhelms me. Yes it is official, I am overwhelmed. Speaking with loan agentcies and figuring out how my interest rates wont go up while I'm working in the woods for practically nothing, while I imagine these people in cubicals and ties looking at my every move to try and catch me not doing a good enough job at getting a salary based job to pay back the education in which I indebted myself before I completely understood the end result of college. While at the same time it all makes me all the more excited about where I am in my life.
I work in the Redwood Forest, teaching kids about the incredible environment that has been created by an amazing creator. I walked away from Penn State with indeed a $40,000 piece of paper that now sits on the coffee table in a white envelope collecting dust. Yes I am somewhat doing what I am "qualified" to do. (let me get back on subject) I left Penn State with no real plan or understanding in mind what I would be doing further down this road, this beaten path. All I knew was that I was returning to Cayuga for another summer. After August 18th, who knew? Only God. Was I worried though? No, actually i felt extremely calm about it. Which to my surprise made people feel somewhat uneasy around me. Friends applying, applying, applying. For jobs. anything to get them to where they wanted to be. The only thing I wanted was to be out of Scranton for a while. Even then I didn't really know what I wanted. I didn't do a whole lot to help the situation with my vary laid back "whatever happens happens" attitude. At the same time though it was causing me to feel a live. To see for the first time that I didn't have anything planned out for myself and I would just go where ever I was led. So when the 18th of August came about I had already been antsy to get going 2 weeks prior. I sat in the Boarders Cafe where I had hung out years past before making many of my adventures of growing a little bit older, a little bit wiser. All while seeing familiar faces fade and new faces enter.
Sitting for 3 days I ventured into the the internet and searched with wonder and awe of jobs I had always dreamed of having, out of state, out of country. Out of site out of mind for the first three years of my life because I had other things to focus on. Why? Because I tend to get to into an idea and literally will drop everything to do something if it moves me enough. My mom wouldn't have been very pleased nor would I have been very pleased with the life I would have led after that random non-thought process of an adventure. No applying to random Adventure camps in other countries and seeing what my true potential may hold for these jobs straight our of school gave me a bit of an adrenalin rush. In a single day I had replys to emails and applications with interests of working VISAS and Passports. I knew I wanted to venture outside my comfort zone, but I wasn't sure how far. I stumbled upon a naturalist position on day 3 of my experimental search and applied. I applied with a bit of a tickle in my stomach at the though of anyone actually taking me seriously. What kind of a experienced person could a freshly born adult like me possibly be able to provide to a well oiled machine. Real world? College doesn't really train them like they used to. (At the same time can the real world really prepare us for school or the lifestyle we really want to live?) I recieved an email 2 days later, a phone interview an hour later "and 4 days after that I was in my car driving across the country." It seems that that is always how I end my story. In reality that was only the beginning.
Which brings me to my point after a very long explanation. I didn't know what I was going to do. Yet God provided and in what a loving encouraging way He did. It has made me realize that I do need to trust more and remember that He will provide. one of my testimonies is certainly my trip West. Yes I am scared thinking about Loans. In fact going off and explaining what ive been experiencing has calmed me a lot however that single word can create screaming Chaos of earthquakes in my head to the point where I can feel the rumbles causing my knees to shake. Loans. I just received a letter stating I had a certain amount I didn't know about that is due earlier than the amount I DID know about.I'm in no way a fan of money or the luxuries that come from it. If I could walk on water, I'd be set when it came to my desires of travel and seeking this world and all of its mysterious wonders. However I can walk on water just as much as I can turn water to wine. I am only another human with another stressor about something that is rather small compared to a lot of other things in life.
So there for I pull myself back. I will get through this. Somehow. I have been shown multiple times that I panic too soon and should most likely take another step back after I've already told myself to do so in the first place. To not look so far ahead and see how far away the finish really is but rather take in the detail around me look at each crack on the sidewalks and I wonder up these streets I've driven but never walked before seeing how the higher you go the nicer the homes while you round the corner and only a block below see how different life is with ripped screens and broken windows. Weaving in and out of these loud yet quiet streets of Scranton. A place where I have always lived but never discovered.
Take a breathe, hold it in, feel the breeze of these end of autumn days, and let it go. Where ever you are be all there. And take it in, because it's all beautiful. Even the little meaningless trinkets that are so clever and detailed.
Thinking about all that I just wrote I can only think of my friend, Jamie Zackavitch. I literally just puked on paper. She is someone who I truly admire for having a more healthy/positive form of bulimia. She was famous in college for sitting next to me in classes where during exams I would often feel like I wrote an entire book when I would look over at her to get up and hand my exam in, I would feel rather unaccomplished with the cramp in my right hand because she would still be writing away at a novel. At times I feel she perhaps memorized the entire text of our classes but I admired her knowledge of information regurgitation. Though she would admit that most of it didn't always make sense or mesh the best, I believe that her points were still taken into major consideration and possibly a cure for something whether it be cancer or a blackened heart, she most certainly held a remedy in there. Thanks Jamie, for bringing a smile to my face. For pouring your heart out on exams, in our major and even with your passions. It makes me want to puke on paper more often.
I love it!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Technological Indifference's
Hours...Days...Weeks...Months...
I have become agitated. At first it was because I couldn't make myself get out of bed in the morning because my body is struggling with the time difference of being back on the East Coast. I then quickly became agitated with my thought process. Devotionals...Facebook...Get out of bed...Start my day...Etc... Do you understand my frustration now?
Facebook has become a mind numbing addiction. Yes I like to use it to stay in touch with a lot of people I can't always grab a long chance to say more than 5 words to. It's nice to randomly pop into someones life with a comment or a post. However I have noticed myself becoming OCD-like checking the Home tab to my profile tab back to home back to profile-home-profile-home-profile-home-profile-home-profile-home-profile-home-profile...etc... This all happens in a time span of about 2 minutes. It's disgusting. I think about Facebook first thing in the morning then tell myself "I need to be more disciplined, so I will do my Devo's first then turn on my computer." But yet I'm distracted from the amazing word. Distracted by my lesson for the morning because I feel like a child sitting in class waiting for her day to be over so she can go home and watch her favorite TV show. IT'S NOT GOING TO TEACH YOU ANYTHING!!!! Just to be distracted and slightly amused.
I'm putting my foot down, cutting myself off for a while. It's gotten to the point where I have begun to Idolize and think about facebook. What's new on facebook, Who's posted on my wall, commented on my status, sent me a message, posted new pictures...Self involved, selfish, self conscious, distracted, unaware, weakened and sickeningly lazy.
So therefor I am taking a bit of a break for a while. Not sure how long. However it shall be as long as it takes for me to have a new state of mind about it. Until my head clears of itself and of the distraction that is ("Gosh, that would make an awesome status") a state of unconscious thinking.
I want to learn more about you Lord. Not about how many pictures someone is in with a certain friend. Or How crazy that tailgate was. You Lord, I need you in my life first and for most and I don't want any distractions. I'm closing the blinds. I'm shutting the doors... You have my full attention.
I have become agitated. At first it was because I couldn't make myself get out of bed in the morning because my body is struggling with the time difference of being back on the East Coast. I then quickly became agitated with my thought process. Devotionals...Facebook...Get out of bed...Start my day...Etc... Do you understand my frustration now?
Facebook has become a mind numbing addiction. Yes I like to use it to stay in touch with a lot of people I can't always grab a long chance to say more than 5 words to. It's nice to randomly pop into someones life with a comment or a post. However I have noticed myself becoming OCD-like checking the Home tab to my profile tab back to home back to profile-home-profile-home-profile-home-profile-home-profile-home-profile-home-profile...etc... This all happens in a time span of about 2 minutes. It's disgusting. I think about Facebook first thing in the morning then tell myself "I need to be more disciplined, so I will do my Devo's first then turn on my computer." But yet I'm distracted from the amazing word. Distracted by my lesson for the morning because I feel like a child sitting in class waiting for her day to be over so she can go home and watch her favorite TV show. IT'S NOT GOING TO TEACH YOU ANYTHING!!!! Just to be distracted and slightly amused.
I'm putting my foot down, cutting myself off for a while. It's gotten to the point where I have begun to Idolize and think about facebook. What's new on facebook, Who's posted on my wall, commented on my status, sent me a message, posted new pictures...Self involved, selfish, self conscious, distracted, unaware, weakened and sickeningly lazy.
So therefor I am taking a bit of a break for a while. Not sure how long. However it shall be as long as it takes for me to have a new state of mind about it. Until my head clears of itself and of the distraction that is ("Gosh, that would make an awesome status") a state of unconscious thinking.
I want to learn more about you Lord. Not about how many pictures someone is in with a certain friend. Or How crazy that tailgate was. You Lord, I need you in my life first and for most and I don't want any distractions. I'm closing the blinds. I'm shutting the doors... You have my full attention.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Dancing in Line.
Sometimes I wonder what goes through peoples heads while I'm standing around complete strangers listening to the tunes streaming through my ears while waiting to take my shoes and belt off to prevent bells and whistles from ringing...I take that back, I wonder all the time.
As I sat on a bus who's drivers name was John crossing the crystal clear morning over the amazing Golden Gate bridge, I had said my goodbyes earlier which now seems like forever ago. I haven't been in route very long but my mind gets the best of me. watching the landscapes blur by. My eyes feel as though they go cross eyed. Then all of the sudden I'm snapped back into reality from a place I'm not really even sure I was. Realizing that this California sunshine and the rolling hills are all apart of the bigger picture. You'll make yourself sick if you try to focus on everything in front of you all at once. When you move too fast, things blur together. To slow down and take in the detail, to take the time to comprehend everything leading up to where you are. I was sitting on a bus looking at vineyards, and rolling hills. Thinking about roommates, sisterhood, community and the passions I feel for so many things including Tristan Prettymans, Breathe.
I love traveling. I feel like at times I'm the only one who enjoys it. I know that the majority of the people who surround me at least if not anything more get a small thrilling feeling behind their rib cages amidst the jet engines and the nose heading vertical to a new destination.
As I sat on a bus who's drivers name was John crossing the crystal clear morning over the amazing Golden Gate bridge, I had said my goodbyes earlier which now seems like forever ago. I haven't been in route very long but my mind gets the best of me. watching the landscapes blur by. My eyes feel as though they go cross eyed. Then all of the sudden I'm snapped back into reality from a place I'm not really even sure I was. Realizing that this California sunshine and the rolling hills are all apart of the bigger picture. You'll make yourself sick if you try to focus on everything in front of you all at once. When you move too fast, things blur together. To slow down and take in the detail, to take the time to comprehend everything leading up to where you are. I was sitting on a bus looking at vineyards, and rolling hills. Thinking about roommates, sisterhood, community and the passions I feel for so many things including Tristan Prettymans, Breathe.
I love traveling. I feel like at times I'm the only one who enjoys it. I know that the majority of the people who surround me at least if not anything more get a small thrilling feeling behind their rib cages amidst the jet engines and the nose heading vertical to a new destination.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
And so it Goes
Packing always seems to be exciting to me. I can really only remember one time when I can recall feeling terrible about it. Even now looking back on the situation, it was for the better and I'm happy it happened.
Tomorrow three of my housemates will be departing, one being my roommate. I mean it's odd because we'll be returning in January. At the same time though we will be new people. Different than today. This next month and a half will be a huge growth period for all of us. Processing while we are home or in another country. Growing, learning and experiencing all that is around us. In these short 2 months I have become a completely different person. I am both excited and nervous to see what the next 2 months will bring.
I have been worrying a lot lately. I have been feeling very positively influenced by all that is around me and letting it all soak in to me like water to dry sand. Yet I wonder what Pennsylvania will bring. I don't want to fall back into the laziness of the life I grew out of. Like trying to put on a pair of old dance shoes that no longer feel familiar to me because everything is so different now. My eyes are so open. However I don't have a very strong Christian community back home. I do have friends and family that support me, but not like here. Not in the sense of understanding and comfort in conversing the way I do here. To think that before I came out here my thought process about church and worship and devotional time was not a huge part of my life even after I had returned from school as a new born. However now my heart longs for it so badly. Just like it did during CRUX. Those Wednesday nights where I began to fall head over heals and have continued to ever since.
I want to continue this. I want to continue to glorify Him in all that He is. Just like Phillip explained:
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever
separate us from God's love.Neither death nor
life, neither angles nor demons, neither our
fears for today nor our worries about tomor-
row-not even the powers of hell can separate
us from God's love. No power in the sky above
or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all cre-
ation will ever be able to seperate us from the
love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans8:38,39 NLT
Influences from what I've grown out of are things that I no longer aspire to be.
At the same time I am very excited to venture home for a few weeks. I am excited to see good old friends. I'm excited to be in their company and truly listen to them more than I had before. I am excited to smell the crisp air of snow and leaves. I'm excited to feel the warmth of old familiar hugs with warm cheerful voices. I am excited to see myself in these situations and to see how I adapt and how I will bring all of this NEW and BETTER with me. At times I wonder how I'll get it all on the plane. This NEW state of mind. This NEWER overwhelming passion. This NEW life. The BETTER more developed me.
I pray that through all of this new light I have experienced, when things begin to dim, my rhodopsin will continue to be "superior". (That last part was an inside joke. I don't believe in any way shape or form that I am superior to anyone or anything. Just to add that in there.) I don't want to loose sight of what I have been understanding and plan to take away from here.
It will be strange to leave Glen Iris even for a little while. It will be odd to not be surrounded by the community I appreciate so much on a day to day basis. I also know that they are all still there and that this is a chance for me to do some possible gardening of my own.
Traveling is always exciting, destinations known and adventures in the process unknown. How exciting...How blessed.
This life is divine.
Tomorrow three of my housemates will be departing, one being my roommate. I mean it's odd because we'll be returning in January. At the same time though we will be new people. Different than today. This next month and a half will be a huge growth period for all of us. Processing while we are home or in another country. Growing, learning and experiencing all that is around us. In these short 2 months I have become a completely different person. I am both excited and nervous to see what the next 2 months will bring.
I have been worrying a lot lately. I have been feeling very positively influenced by all that is around me and letting it all soak in to me like water to dry sand. Yet I wonder what Pennsylvania will bring. I don't want to fall back into the laziness of the life I grew out of. Like trying to put on a pair of old dance shoes that no longer feel familiar to me because everything is so different now. My eyes are so open. However I don't have a very strong Christian community back home. I do have friends and family that support me, but not like here. Not in the sense of understanding and comfort in conversing the way I do here. To think that before I came out here my thought process about church and worship and devotional time was not a huge part of my life even after I had returned from school as a new born. However now my heart longs for it so badly. Just like it did during CRUX. Those Wednesday nights where I began to fall head over heals and have continued to ever since.
I want to continue this. I want to continue to glorify Him in all that He is. Just like Phillip explained:
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever
separate us from God's love.Neither death nor
life, neither angles nor demons, neither our
fears for today nor our worries about tomor-
row-not even the powers of hell can separate
us from God's love. No power in the sky above
or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all cre-
ation will ever be able to seperate us from the
love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans8:38,39 NLT
Influences from what I've grown out of are things that I no longer aspire to be.
At the same time I am very excited to venture home for a few weeks. I am excited to see good old friends. I'm excited to be in their company and truly listen to them more than I had before. I am excited to smell the crisp air of snow and leaves. I'm excited to feel the warmth of old familiar hugs with warm cheerful voices. I am excited to see myself in these situations and to see how I adapt and how I will bring all of this NEW and BETTER with me. At times I wonder how I'll get it all on the plane. This NEW state of mind. This NEWER overwhelming passion. This NEW life. The BETTER more developed me.
I pray that through all of this new light I have experienced, when things begin to dim, my rhodopsin will continue to be "superior". (That last part was an inside joke. I don't believe in any way shape or form that I am superior to anyone or anything. Just to add that in there.) I don't want to loose sight of what I have been understanding and plan to take away from here.
It will be strange to leave Glen Iris even for a little while. It will be odd to not be surrounded by the community I appreciate so much on a day to day basis. I also know that they are all still there and that this is a chance for me to do some possible gardening of my own.
Traveling is always exciting, destinations known and adventures in the process unknown. How exciting...How blessed.
This life is divine.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Seeing Sparks
Kids are so neat. Everyday I am reminded of how far outside the box we are capable of jumping. The way we think being the ages we are compared to what we thought when we were younger.
We had a field trip to the beach today and the tide was crazy. Even though high tide had passed three hours prior, the water was still very much a live not leaving us a whole lot of room to do the things we had planned...Such as life... We split the kids off and while half of them played a zany game of tug-a-tube, I gave cabins the task of reaching down real deep, I mean so far out there and really reaching to open their minds to create the most amazing most mind blowing sand castle they could imagine.
Things were going great for the first twenty minutes, until we had a sleeper wave come in and rain down on a few castles. "Hey! That's alright! we still have another 20 minutes!". So they began to rebuild and really love what they had created, as did I. The way the shapes moved and flowed into each piece of the bigger picture. The way each person created a new way of building, moving, and shaping the sand beneath their fingers. Delicately carving and moving to the motion of their thoughts and bouncing ideas between one another.
About seven minutes after I had told them to rebuild however a much bigger sleeper wave came in and crashed the party hard core, leaving the dance floor that was open for interpretation, completely motionless. Devastation. As we moved away from the rock wall and moved to dryer ground they only had 10 minutes left to start from scratch. Were they upset? Yes. Did they work through it and dig deeper than before? Absolutely. By the end of it they had all created some of the best Castles/Mountains/Mermaid pools/Octopus/Sea snake-dwelling/Towers I couldn't even wrap my head around.
To give someone some damp sand and an old yogurt container and say, "do something with this", ignites a spark in imaginations that could only be fueled by something amazing, something simple yet so complex...childhood.
Being around young minds mixed with ambition and combinations of wonder and curiosity, I have been realizing that the window to my imagination is rattling with anticipation. To take a step outside the box is just the beginning. It goes deeper than just creating a sand castle or a painting. Think of anything...and take it a step outside the box. Take it a few steps...
why stop? What does it mean to think outside of the box for you these days? What's stopping you?
We had a field trip to the beach today and the tide was crazy. Even though high tide had passed three hours prior, the water was still very much a live not leaving us a whole lot of room to do the things we had planned...Such as life... We split the kids off and while half of them played a zany game of tug-a-tube, I gave cabins the task of reaching down real deep, I mean so far out there and really reaching to open their minds to create the most amazing most mind blowing sand castle they could imagine.
Things were going great for the first twenty minutes, until we had a sleeper wave come in and rain down on a few castles. "Hey! That's alright! we still have another 20 minutes!". So they began to rebuild and really love what they had created, as did I. The way the shapes moved and flowed into each piece of the bigger picture. The way each person created a new way of building, moving, and shaping the sand beneath their fingers. Delicately carving and moving to the motion of their thoughts and bouncing ideas between one another.
About seven minutes after I had told them to rebuild however a much bigger sleeper wave came in and crashed the party hard core, leaving the dance floor that was open for interpretation, completely motionless. Devastation. As we moved away from the rock wall and moved to dryer ground they only had 10 minutes left to start from scratch. Were they upset? Yes. Did they work through it and dig deeper than before? Absolutely. By the end of it they had all created some of the best Castles/Mountains/Mermaid pools/Octopus/Sea snake-dwelling/Towers I couldn't even wrap my head around.
To give someone some damp sand and an old yogurt container and say, "do something with this", ignites a spark in imaginations that could only be fueled by something amazing, something simple yet so complex...childhood.
Being around young minds mixed with ambition and combinations of wonder and curiosity, I have been realizing that the window to my imagination is rattling with anticipation. To take a step outside the box is just the beginning. It goes deeper than just creating a sand castle or a painting. Think of anything...and take it a step outside the box. Take it a few steps...
why stop? What does it mean to think outside of the box for you these days? What's stopping you?
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