Have you ever missed a place so much that once you return it feels like you never left, and yet it seems to good to be true? Imagining that it might possibly be the most realistic dream and you begin to wonder how much you are mumbling in your bed or how heavy your breathing might be, causing you to wake up in a cold sweat...Wishing it were real.
It is real and it's great! Though it feels like I never left, things feel extremely different. Not only faces and places, but my state of mind, my heart and my soul. Mellow would be a better word to describe the different...to an extent. Mellow with time and mellow with thoughts. More mellow with actions too. This morning helped me understand and realize a bit more of what I'm trying to interpret. Yet there are critical thoughts, questions and concerns...
Through the early morning air with redwood fog and a dark trail that was dimly lit by a head lamp and breathe filled conversation, Emily and I ran. We ventured blindly down the trail that led us to the still rather breathe consuming overlook that I had been shown on my very first run in California four months earlier. Though it was filled with moist damp creation,Swirling around like creamer in black coffee, it was still beautiful. Still overwhelming. Still home. Seeing water particles dance in the air past my head lamp I realized I had been having fuzzy vision. Both physically and mentally. My thoughts have been jumbling lately and I find myself a bit more spaced out. I blame it on laziness. It flowed from the trail into my morning hang out session with the Big Guy, like a distracting something or other keeping my thoughts away from the conversation He was trying to hold with me. I instantly called myself out for it. This brought a bit more clarity.
Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" January, 18th:
"Thomas answered and said to Him, 'My Lord and my God!' " (John 20:28).
"Jesus said to her, 'Give me a drink' " (John 4:7). How many of us are expecting Jesus Christ to quench out thirst when we should be satisfying Him! We should be pouring out our lives, investing our total beings, not drawing on Him to satisfy us. "You shall be witnesses to me..." (Acts 1:8). That means lives of pure, uncompromising, and unrestrained devotion to the Lord Jesus, which will be satisfying to Him wherever He may send us. Beware of anything that competes with your loyalty to Jesus Christ. The greatest competitor of true devotion to Jesus Christ is the service we do for Him. It is easier to serve than to pour out our lives completely for Him. The goal of the call of God is His satisfaction, not simply that we should do something for Him. We are not sent to do battle for God, but to be used by God in His battles. Are we more devoted to service than we are to Jesus Christ Himself?"
28 “My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed.
29 Then Jesus told him, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.”-John 20:28-29
...At times we can feel rather convicted after reading such things. Opening our eyes to bigger photographs and landscapes. Wondering what's next.
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