"I'm in California"

Candid moments. There is something about candid moments. Seeing pure emotion. It is an interesting thought to think how often pictures are being taken and how often we pose for these pictures. Asking to retake purity so that we look "more natural" yet more fake than ever. Candid shots of laughter and kind smiles. Soft touches and giggles from side conversations. Intense words mixed with hand placement that to me, screams to be captured. Last night the thought crossed my mind while I was having a conversation about this coming summer with Joy. Discussing summer life and guiding on the canopy.

After having a long overdue chat with Jenna Givens, with 2,000 miles of static in between, her words were crystal clear, "You can't rely on human relationship, the Lord needs you to be fully devoted to Him first and for most."

I am still reading Numbers... Yes I know, I know. It has been both a struggle and a very enlightening experience. I find myself numbing out while reading it which then, causes me clarity on where I need to disicpline myself more when it comes to being more intune with what I'm reading. Today for instance, I read Numbers 23:18-24... You can look into it yourself if you so please but This area caused me to think in multiple different directions today as I looked out the window of the cafe while reading and writing.

"It is true and it is real."

The reading frustrates me yet, intrigues me. All while it feels like the sun has set all day long with these thick clouds that makes eyes sleepy. My thoughts keep falling back... "I'm 24"..."I'm in California"...And these first times are the times in which I have never imagined myself to be.

The rain hits puddles like quick time old fashioned photography of people ice skating on ponds. I have not been a student for 10 months. So much has happened in 10 months and it's such an interesting though to think out upon where I will be in another year. Spiritually, Physically, Mentally. "I am in California...How did this come to be?"I have found that many have asked me this question and it still makes me heart leap with overflowing joy. God brought me here. This is where He told me to go. This was a major stepping stone in my trust with the Lord. And just as I have been talking with Jenna, God has never led us astray. It has always been ourselves. While not listening to God. God continues to lead us places with incredible community and how come we still falter to trust in Him? Trusting in the Lord with all your heart while being broken and learning and obeying that trust instead of taking short cuts to try and understand or predict where the Lord will lead you. Making plans that aren't even relevant at times...I've gone off track a bit, let me back up...
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Stunning truths and yet we continue to trip and stumble over our human tendencies. But our realizations of these tendencies do not make us Jesus. They don't make us, "more like Jesus." We will never be Jesus. Or anywhere close. It's not about me. It's about working towards better and living by example of an amazing savior. I'm feeling a bit more a live these days and a bit more broken...This is a very good thing.

Praise God.