Ink and a Sleeping Bag

In the midst of this bubble. I have realized things. Things like days blending. Things like emotions dangling. Things like attachment to things... People, seasons, scents, breezes and heart strings. From my core of friends I am the only unmarried and the only single person in this chain... I feel as though I am on one side of the fence while they are on the other with their "other". While I sit here I am ok with that while a little voice in the back of my head panics saying... where's mine? When new interests flow and others venture out on that limb of attraction, wanting to know that other better, it is where my heart begins to ache in the middle of rejoicing.

The topic of significant others came up at a meal one night this week, in the new spring breeze while a calm relaxed conversation took place amidst the giants. We talked about independence and relationships, finding the common medium while still holding tight to good friends. But how can you juggle so much when you just want to get to know that new "other" better. When you are so intrigued by them that you want to learn them better and grow with them better?... We couldn't answer these questions simply because we have never been in the situation before... But times they are a changing. Not for me at this moment in my life.

Matthew 6


Struggling with a lot of little things accumulating like a light snowfall that you put to the back of your head while at work only walking out hours later to see how much it's all piled up... I can't get home on my own. I need Him. I have neglected a lot over the last couple of weeks. Causing distraction, numbness and blurred vision from intrusive thoughts of abandonment. I can't even deny it. However I rejoice in these aches and pains of the heart because I am alive. I am not others because I was created to be who I am. It is simply just something I am still accepting. 


I spent most of the late afternoon and evening with my head in the bible not reading, but praying. He is so faithful and it is true that when we continue to ask for something we want, our Father does provide and through surrendering a lot of things tonight I have been able to feel Him pull me closer. As we were enlightened one morning before work, I too find myself wanting more. More than just His blessing. I want to feel His presence. And oh how I felt it tonight with my face down on that book while the light slowly dimmed under a massive red.
I continue to struggle, but, I welcome these struggles.