Pigeons flew like gray snow in reverse as I took a deep breathe and continued on the busy streets of San Francisco. wondering what would be happening next. Everything so uncertain, frazzled and caught up in what seems like the same whirlwind that tossed those birds, my heart is also caught in the midst of this chaos.
I was in a car accident this morning. While taking my Mom to the airport (we're fine). You see things happen, time slows, worst thoughts of so many things run through your head to again try and predict the outcome and take the best approach possible...Again... trying to be one step ahead. So silly. I didn't hit anyone, but we got hit from behind. Screeching bringing me back to the redwood forest while my shaking and disbelief caused me to be much quieter than ever while I tried to focus on my phone and what I should be doing. 911. Yep my first time ever calling that number. Triggering other thoughts of many other firsts in these last two years. Prayer out loud, Sequoia trees, driving across the United States...Soon to bike, and now a car accident.
So what happened? There's not much to tell... We shared information. The police made a report and we were back on our way...What just happened? Break lights caused my stomach to churn and my feet to be quick like a short-stop ready to move. I became trigger happy, as did my Mom. We laughed as I still shook.
Praise God in all of it.
She made her flight as I ran across the Golden Gate Bridge crossing upon another first.
My thoughts were racing while it all happened. God moments. I was praising Him, I was crying to Him. Asking, "why now? Is this really something I can handle?" while other parts of my head and heart replied, "Of course you can handle it. He wouldn't have given it to you." It could be so much worse. I still cried. Just because it's hard doesn't mean I have to have a hard face about it. I am by default a crier. I cry for joy, for sadness, frustration, compassion, encouragement, anger, happiness, love, kindness, fear, and advice. I'm still not used to it though. I don't think I'll ever be.
which reminds me of this other thought:
I stood in the dinning hall at work the other night on dinning hall duty (heh-duty) and saw this 5th grader. He had a baseball cap on with 8 cups stacked from hand to brim. He was focused, determined, stressssed out with eyes on the prize. The dish pit. I thought to myself, "Oh man to have a stack of cups be your most grueling most hard thing to worry about, man wouldn't that be awesome". If you really sit down to think about it, our own focuses and concerns are merely just a stack of cups. It's a temporary thing. Yes imagine those things and you balancing them with both hands and elbows. On your pinkie finger or perhaps even on your chin. It might seem impossible but Gods holding the top. Slowly but surely he is guiding you to where you need to go to lessen the burdens in various places and gaining other dishes along the way. It's one big meal.
Delish.
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