Left Unsaid.

When I am here in Pennsylvania it is very hard for me to comprehend anything that is really happening in my life sometimes. I said goodbye to what remained of my teammates this morning as they drove towards the west in the home that became mine for the past eight weeks while I ran in the opposite direction. I came back and went back to bed waking up around noon to this room I sometimes dream about. I sometimes lay there for very long periods of time thinking about the life the Lord has given me and wonder constantly if it is real. If I have really traveled these places and met faces and hearts that bring this life to bend and mold me to new shapes.

I don't fit in the way that I fit eight weeks ago. It is a different shape. I am a different shape. I found myself walking around last night outside in the grass on my phone realizing I am dealing with perhaps a small identity crisis. I don't know who I am. Not to say that I knew before but now I feel even more different than I did before all of this. 

I got off a rainy plane in Seattle and rode my bike over the Cascade mountains. Ate some good ice cream in Idaho and saw a little girl smile and laugh a midst a divine appointment. I survived Montana. I saw love articulated in realistic ways in the Dakotas. Got taken in by new family in Minnesota. Held amazing conversations on a saddle in Wisconsin and struggled with myself in Chicago. Found that you can find beauty and divine things everyday while riding through Indiana and fell in love with the rolling hills in Ohio while this family grew even closer. In Pennsylvania God accomplished what I felt I had explained to others one of the many reasons why I felt I should follow this call to ride. "To push this tent to the very brink"...And I did through the Appalachian mountains. I felt pain and denial in New Jersey overcome by joy smothered words, prayers and smiles from those we barely knew. And I got to hug the Atlantic ocean off the coast of New York City with those whose legs pedaled along side mine, crying as the reality of what we had done soaked in like salt water and sun.

This seasons has begun something in me that I can't really explain. It has taken scales off of my eyes and yet I will be very honest in saying that I still feel very lost for words.

I don't particularly know how to articulate how I'm feeling now that my bike and I aren't even in the same state. It's on its way back to the reality that is soon to be mine in two weeks while I sit here feeling like I'm in purgatory. A waiting place where I feel like I've never left. 

I'm not complaining though. I am thankful for the rest. 

It really happened. And so did all the things leading up to it.

While running again, sleeping in a bed again, and seeing this Pennsylvania sky again, I am praising the Lord because it is real. And though I don't know how to fully comprehend this life and the purpose yet behind it, I know that I am always in good hands.

Keep Adventuring