Treks, Wrecks And Sturdy Steps.

Lamentations 3: Hope in the Lords faithfulness
15He has filled me with bitterness and given me a bitter cup of sorrow to drink.

I have been feeling bitter. And for what? Why do I feel such sorrow in the season of new things? Why do I have such a bitter attitude towards things that I find myself with discontentment. When again I can't fully comprehend or figure out what would make me content.

16 He has made me chew on gravel. He has rolled me in the dust. 17Peace has been stripped away and I have forgotten what prosperity is. 18I cry out, "my splendor is gone! Everything I have hoped for from the Lord is lost!"".

I find myself thinking about the word prosperity. I honestly don't know what it means. Did I ever? I don't feel the peace I did way back when. So then where am I to go from here? God what are you trying to teach me?

19"The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words."

I have been so homesick. I have been so overwhelmed. I have been so overwhelmed with wanting to be back with friends. Back with those who I smiled so much with. Discovered so much with. To breathe the same air and hear their voices as though we were on bikes again, in the middle of no where. I am so homesick that I have stayed at less than a vacation.

 But yet the ties and conversations held with people from each of these places have become more valuable than any vacation stay that can easily become so shallow in conversation and seclusion. Privacy stripped and feelings bare like our hearts baring scars and fresh wounds that continue to heal as we offer parts of ourselves as living, breathing, pedaling sacrifices. Making that trek of multiple pedal strokes our daily offering. Where were we in these conversations and can we feel the way we felt those nights when we let walls crumble? Can we be that honest with ourselves again as we feel the bitterness of these moments pass through our hearts and souls like swallowing ice cubes and feeling it melt. Casting that cold from the inside out. Could it be true that our hearts give the same reaction? How will we thaw these frozen parts of ourselves again? Places of the heart that have been experiencing the latest ice age?

I am still homesick for these places, these faces that I've gotten used to calling home.

20 I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. 21Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: 22The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. 23Great is His faithfulness. His mercies begin afresh every morning. 24 I say to myself, The Lord is my inheritance; therefore I will hope in Him"

Amen.

Revival.

I dread because I have so quickly forgotten. It is strange how the tired parts of these bones hope in their own little way that maybe  perhaps buses wont come. That plans have changed and they turned around. What an odd thought. Because while I'm in it, I am revived by each second that passes and by each face that I see.

Learning names and being goofy. Getting extra excited because of how animated these kids are without even knowing it. These jolts of reminders of feeling like they do now when I was a camper those days so long ago looking up to people like Megan, Joe, Sarah, Brooke, Karen, Jay and Meagan. These people were on my path and parts of my personality fed off of them and grew in various ways, helping to develop other individuals who will hopefully take on the trend and pass those positive characteristics yet to another... and soon.

It is truly amazing to see what one person can change or influence in anothers life. Like musical notes mixed with lyrics. Coming together to create something beautiful and unique.
Life.
Lives and the ways in which we come and go. I spend four days with nineteen fifth graders. Those who's names I have learned in fifteen minutes and a name is so important. Four days of impact filled with continued revival in why I love what I do. Little bits of me continue to wake up from whatever this is. And I can feel myself slowly coming back to life feeling others heartbeats in rhythm with mine and dancing and singing and swinging. Spending these moments that we've been given, doing what we know best. Smiling, laughing and loving. Teaching, growing and loving. Helping, serving and loving.

Nineteen reminders. Each one reviving my heart all the more.

Can You Dig It?

 On a run I had a thought. I was sitting on this cliff like I always do. I stare out. I try to remember what I was thinking about but for some reason it's as though my brain is constantly on idle. I know I have a lot on my mind. A lot to be thinking about and working through. However, when I realized I am not focused on what I should be, I try to think of what I was even thinking about. I can never remember. It's like my head just goes flat. I'm so distracted by my own thoughts that I can't even remember thoughts. I find at small moments that I dwell in my discontentment.

And then the cycle begins...

I'm sad because of that feeling of discontentment and think how I honestly have nothing to be discontent about. I have a job, a community and opportunities (that I feel like at times) that are peoples "once in a life time" opportunities are becoming more of my normal life style. I have adventure, love and The Lord working continually in my life. And yet here I sit dwelling on how I feel. All while the ice pick ticks away at my ego humbling me and all the while Satan taunts me like a mean little boy in preschool who teases saying girls can't do anything. YOU can't do anything. Clearly...It's a lie. But I can't help but still feel like I am ill equip to handle this life. Ill experienced to move forward in any way. I am discontent but am stuck sitting here not knowing what would even cause contentment. 

I feel the answer, Jesus, comes to mind. Sweet Jesus this is true. Which has brought me to that thought and which has caused me to step up in my own faith more and going outside to others instead of retreating inward to myself.

"Making plans to change the world, while the world is changing us" Dave Matthews you say this with in perfect timing of ink moving around on paper...We are changed in the acts and efforts to work here. Though the song itself  doesn't relate to serving the Lord and dealing with these forms of growth and searching... In fact, he's singing about a woman he's no longer with and how he can't even comprehend what day it is besides the day she left him. But that line, "Making plans to change the world". I try to change the world on a more regular basis these days. Not in a Super Man way, but putting more effort into connecting to build, grow and be strengthened by the Lord and all "While the world is changing us". Living this life and enduring these lessons and trials that God has set out for us to push through or fall to our knees in humility. To be reminded we can't do it without Him. Then rising up changed on a daily basis. 

So with that said, make plans but allow the Lord to change you. Because from what I've witnessed, when the Lord changes us, it is for the better. And better changes the world.

Sliding my hand across what I've written, these thoughts gain tangible discoveries about myself that I never would have stumbled upon if it weren't for my dear friend, perspective.

Dig deeper friends.

Firsts

In a season of new things, like riding my bike across an entire country, I have begun to gain a new passion for "Firsts Lists". Writing down things big or small, (though the size of them never matters they are still new things) And often they are exciting things. While on tour this summer, my friend Ellen had begun her Firsts list of the 2012 Just Hope Northern tour. You can actually check out her list here ellenbikes and check out the rest of her blog while you're at it because I'll be honest, she's pretty swell. We share some of the same Firsts,. But that's also the fun of it. Sharing these things with others. Memories... They make this life the wealthiest and so rich in heart. 

Just+Firsts 

1. First time on South West Airlines (Best sense of humor)

2. First time in Washington

3. First time in Montana

4. First time eating Snicker Doodle Ice cream-Seattle, Washington

5. First time in Seattle!

6. First time eating Huckleberry Ice cream -Harrison, Idaho

7. First time in Idaho

8. First time in North Dakota

9. First time in Hot Springs-White Sulphur Springs, Montana

10. First time in South Dakota

11. First time eating an Apricot (Ellen)

12. First time listening to Trevor Hall (First morning waking up together in Washington, thanks Ellen)

11. First time eating Beef Jerky with cheese in a can Spokane, Washington with Ashley

12. First century ride -to Culey City, Washington

13. First time seeing a friend perform live in a cafe (Ellen)

14. First time on an escalator with bike cleats on -Minneapolis, Minnesota

15. First time riding a bike in Minnesota

16. First time in Wisconsin 

17. First time eating cheese curds (still weirded out by the squeaking)

18. First time eating S'mores with peanut butter (Thanks Hans!)

19. First time witnessing a bike chain breaking with slightest amount of effort -Ellen after 111 miles to Wasau, Wisconsin?

20. First time eating Wisconsin Custard (Thought of you Theresa)- Wisconsin

21. First time in Chicago (not in an Airport)

22. First time seeing Wrigley Field.

23. First time seeing a Great Lake (Lake Michigan)

24. First time eating Chicago deep dish pizza ("It's cake, not pie for your pie hole")

25. First time attending an outdoor church service-Missio Dei, Chicago

26. First time seeing anyone show off their tan lines during a church service (Connor)

27. First time consuming a smoothie Chai -Milwaukee, Wisconsin

28. First time launching a bottle cap rocket in a church parking lot -Jacob and Jessica, Indiana

29. First time riding bikes and holding hands (Craig and Ellen)

30. First time eating Hawaiian style pizza

31. First time riding a Roundtail Bicycle (Thanks Ellen!)

32. First time swimming in a Great Lake (Lake Michigan)

33. First time eating cheese whips (Somewhere in Wisconsin)

34. First time in Greenbay, Wisconsin

35. First time in Lambeau Field- Greenbay, Wisconsin (GO PACK GO!)

36. First time eating watermelon Salsa- Mt. Vernon, Ohio (Thanks Abbey)

37. First time touching a  Tiffany Window -Richmond, Indiana

38. First time seeing a Moose -Coeur D'alane bike trail, Idaho

39. First time at a Fudruckers- Billings, Montana

40. First time jumping onto a moving train- Indiana

41. First time holding a baby goat, Riding towards Portage, PA

42. First time passing a horse and buggy on my bike

43. First time not wearing socks with my cleats (Thanks Ashley)

44. First time running over a dead rattle snake- riding towards Baker, Montana

45. First time getting a tattoo in New York City- New York

46. First time having friends stay at my house in Pennsylvania- Scranton, Pennsylvania

47. First time doing laundry in a laundry-mat, Appleton, Minnesota

48. First time riding to the Atlantic Ocean on a bike- Rockaway Beach, New York

49. First time crying tears of joy in the Atlantic Ocean- Rockaway Beach, New York

50. First time Playing "Hey Cow" from a bike- multiple states

51. First time loosing complete control of my body due to depletion of electrolytes- riding into Chambersburg, Pennsylvania

52. First time ever riding my bike across an entire country, United States of America, 6/10-8/6/12

53. First time having a photo shoot in front of a corn field, Indiana

54. First time riding my bike on the Brooklyn bridge- New York

These journeys are rather awing. Want to know the best thing? They will continue... Because Each end has a new beginning.

Keep adventuring.