Pin Holes in Canvas

When we returned to City of Refuge on one of our final days in the Surrounding area of Mannenburg, I was sick... I was tired and I felt like I should be doing way more than I was. We brought food to give away and as we arrived to the former gangster pad, we were greeted by a mass confusion of kids, mothers, fathers and  chaos. We were guarded as we were helped in with our supplies to bring hope. in our hands were answers to hundreds of prayers in the midst of heat and pressure between my eyes and ears..

When we walked to the back we reached for the light switch. Instant assumptions that maybe we aren't using the right switch and then switching to that light bulb idea of well lets just put in another light bulb...there aren't any more light bulbs. Their shelves were naked and their hope and trust in the Lord to bring more had been provided but with no physical light. So Pastor woody gave us candles. Let me rephrase. He gave ME candles to hold while sandwiches were being made and packets were being stuffed. I stood there with candles in hand watching the flickers reflect and glisten off knives and eyes. The glow feeling warmer as it warmed the chills I was having from a slight fever. Goose bumps to think of the predicament we were in but how it didn't even phase us after we fell upon the truth.

As I held the candles Pastor Woody came through while controlling the chaos outside the main room, he would look at me and say, "You're doing a great job". I said thank you a couple of times but I felt less and less like I was really doing much of anything that was really helping anyone in the middle of the desperate feelings of movement and feeding. Feeding the stomachs, heart, mind and soul. He walked through again and this time looked me in the eye and told me "You are really good at that". And this time I told him, "Thanks but honestly I don't really feel like I'm doing much of anything". He laughed and looked at me and pointed to the candle. "You have perhaps the most important job of all. After all, that is all that we are... Candle holders in a dark place".

Something blocked me from breathing, seeing, even hearing after that. God stopped everything so that all of that truth could sink in to the depths of every part of me. And I am thankful for that.

I have been feeling those deep moments as of late. I have been feeling more meaning in the midst of moments that normally are passed over and seen through. But God has been speaking more boldly to me than ever and it is strange yet beautiful to see the other way in which He has been making it all very trusting to me.

PTL