Times and Places.

How quickly our understanding of strength is distracted and false in what we find strength to even be. "I'm not running enough", I'm not lifting or climbing enough". How quickly the boxes we build to enclose ourselves turn into fortresses of negativity and self dysfunction.

From here, memories trigger like wildfire. Recollection of those who have said, "I could never". We build these walls high. We falsely connect dots thinking we've solved and figured ourselves out as we dig ourselves deeper and deeper into courage lacking sleepless nights regretting. "I'm too old", "My prime has passed and there's no way it would be possible". This is where my thought process and realization of how big God really is collide with self pity and self neglect.

This is where we loose ourselves the most and perhaps the gifts that have been blessed upon us have not been put to good use, but instead lays on a shelf collecting dust either partially open or not even unwrapped. Sitting there longing to be used. God has a plan for us. This is for certain.

And my current contemplation is whether we really can or can't do certain things. Maybe we can literally do anything we want but because of lack of Gods direction and blessing upon the focus, it creates do or don't. Example: Say I really wanted to become a bull fighter, a Matador. In Spain, with a red cape and a spiffy matador hat. If I really wanted it bad enough and that desire was deep with in me, chances are very good that I would find a way to make it happen. That is if it is Gods will for me. However, those aren't the passions instilled in me. In fact, I would be content simply running with the bulls. Not being the center of attention to one.

Do you see what I'm trying to exemplify? I have no desire to do that. God has not instilled that with in me because that is not the way in which He feels I can best serve Him. With the gifts He has given me. Same reason why I'm not a singer. If I had those desires deep with in me to pursue the tools and the energy would be provided.

Here comes a tricky part. What if we love many things but don't know what we're passionate about? Or perhaps we feel we are passionate about many things but feel discouraged in ways to make use and believe we can't? Why would God instill a passion in you if it wasn't for a purpose? The urgency of this matter is that we cannot determine our passions upon popularity, social class or judgement. That purpose has nothing to do with numbers of people effected but by the impact of what brings you alive to impact in the ways that God sees fit. Not by our selfish wants or "Think we needings".

I have been seeking clarity and I have also been seeing open doors that lead in the directions as I continue to feel out and determine what my true passions are. And upon being out in the crisp air of the Sierra National Forest, 5,000' higher than I have been in a while, I have been gaining perspective and seeing doors continue to open. It is clear to see that this is a direction God wants me to pursue. There is also fear in seeking into the future that can paralyze me in my own bed. Realizing that we are not meant to live in the future. That is why frustration of lack of clarity becomes all the more frustrating. But it is God urging and yearning for our trust that He will be there. Where as our fear comes from our lack of trust and our projection of what we think will happen. In that day dream, God is not present. Other wise the fear or anxiousness would not exist. Which is why we are, "Left in the fog with only a few steps to see ahead". With doors that continue to open and close, we have been given this moment right now to pursue passions. Right now are the moments that have been given.


So help me if you reply with, "I don't have time".