Holler For Adventures: Love is War

Relentless love. I have experienced it but never realized it until current times in reflection upon lifes story telling and looking back upon where Gods pursuit for me has been completely and utterly relentless.

We often think of things that we pursue. I tend to think of material things in a sense of wanting. Like this. I am in pursuit of this :Preferably size Small, thanks! A lot of times we pursue with a fire of things we see or hear about and we are indeed on the trail for a hot while but then maybe something happens. Something else comes up or we become distracted by life, people, work, or other passions.

Looking back on my testimony and listening to others testimonies, I get really tripped up on perspective in a good way. It's almost as though I'm on a standing roller coaster where I can see things coming but never expected the thrill to be that intense.

That's how I see Gods pursuit in lives of many including mine. To save, to grow, to teach, to humble and to continue to colonize a world in which craves the Glory, the culture, the imprint of God. [Please take a moment to check out this link. You wont regret it! Brilliant speaker, Myles Monroe, speaking about incredible truth.]

For the last couple of weeks I have felt this heaviness on my heart. it has impacted my soul in non positive ways and has in fact inflicted projections that were lies and harsh against me.
Truth- I was allowing it to cover me and soak me in false truth while creeping up my spine as it continued to hinder my brain and my eyes. the war of feeling inadequacy.

God wants us to be continually stripped of that. We already have been upon surrendering and laying our lives at the cross fully to Him in whatever form that comes in each of our lives. Perhaps and most likely we are still surrendering these things on a moment to moment basis. And maybe at times we think we have surrendered these things but really our hands are palm down with strain clutching to it with our own failing strength.

He stripped me Monday night. I'd like to preference this all on the fact that I hate, hate, HATE throwing up. It is by far one of my worst fears. Granted I'm sure no one enjoys it but still, there are suspicions that come into my brain like choking to death on my own esophagus or hemorrhaging from force. After the designed protection of my body has ejected this stuff from me I gain my mind set back that I'm OK and that eventually I will feel better (even though I have NEVER felt better directly after)

Upon getting the plague this week (not really) I realized the following things:

1. It is awesome to live alone when violently ill because you can be as loud as you want and move around as much as you want and you don't need to worry about waking anyone up.

2. It really sucks to live alone because it seems as though no one is there to rub your back and comfort you in those times. To tangibly tell you that you're OK and that things will be OK.

3. It's a very long walk to the dumpster at 4:30am but man are the stars stunning and the cold Laramie air feels so good.

4. with in those fleeting thoughts of fear and seemingly overwhelming danger, God can rip and deliver some of the worst things out of you in those moments of utter weakness.

Most of those I will not elaborate on but I will elaborate on number 4. So here we go. It amazes me how desperate we feel in helpless situations because we have no control over them. As I'm sitting there with a trashcan on my knees I can't help but just cry in desperation with in that same mindset of David goes to the dentist "Is this going to last forever?"

I'll be honest, I puked twice. Each time lasted a good half hour. The last several minutes of the second time though felt so violent and so forceful there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do but hold on and pray, worship and trust solely in God. Also in the midst of that violent period I could literally feel His arm go down deep within and grab hold of something. In that final force he ejected and expelled it completely from my body. I don't know what IT was but instantly I felt a weight lifted from my soul. I gasped in air and thanked God for whatever he just took out of me.
Love is War.

He is relentless. His pursuit is absolutely relentless. He sits us down in whatever way we can in our forgetfulness and our rebellion and works with what is present. Whether injury, illness or denial. He has the power and uses it to resurrect us from some of the most insane things that I can't even imagine. We are his beloved children. He is our Inheritance.

Thank you Jesus.

5. Fever dreams can be rather amusing and inspiring when you dream about becoming a Professional Pencil Sharpener in a very strict workshop. #feverdreams

Other happenings of the week:

My dear friend Jenna bean after a long awaited arrival, God has graced our presence with a little bean of Jennas own! Eleanor Lila! aka Ele bean! Was born on March 10th! Very excited for Jenna and Even as they rejoice in the celebrations! Not only was she born healthy and vibrant (praise God) but she was also born a very special day!
My friend Jen's Birthday! WHAT?! It's mind blowing because we all worked together years ago in the Redwood forest and never in a million years would I have thought 4 years later Jenna would have her daughter on Jens Birthday! Whoa-whoa-wee-whoa!

Happy, Joyful Birthdays Beloveds!