I had a weird dream last night. A dream that I don't think I've ever experienced before. Not the first part at least. This dream started off as I was trying to locate my Dad in a certain Circumstance. He was a spy or undercover. Why I assumed it was my Dad? I have no idea because he looked nothing like my Dad. But as the dream unfolded my heart felt more and more oppressed. He vanished seemingly to contemplate what life would have been like if he had maybe never met my Mother. He escaped and erased the past as if the life I had remembered never happened. But within my dream the past that I had remembered was filled with injustice, oppression, abuse and darkness (which is much darker looking to me than the majority of my childhood recollections).
I was trapped in a room covered in dirt and pain for what seemed like a lifetime. But then something happened. and these things began to reverse. After what seemed like an eternity, The door was opened and I walked out into the life that had seemingly been indeed if my Dad had never met my Mother but someone else. I was still seemingly me but everyone around me was different. Is this fate? Would this have happened in real life? My life in this way was full of earthly riches and spoils. I walked around the house and down stairs. I passed my brother who was clearly my brother but looked nothing like him. Was he the same as I?
As I got down to the basement it was an entire lagoon of a playground and exploration that seemed to have been abandoned as any toy would because of older growing children loosing interest. So naturally there were stray cats everywhere.
This is where the dream became familiar again. A certain cat gains interest in me in a very negative way. Hissing and coming closer to me and then keeps trying to attack me. It grabs hold of my left thumb and I am thrashing it around trying to knock in unconscious. The dream cuts to another scene and this cat is still prowling trying to find the right angel to attack and I have a hamer in my hand and at this point I am trying hard to physically hit it and injure it enough to grab hold of the idea that it should stop attacking me. but every time I try to hit it, my reflexes fail and I only jab or graze the cat while it's confused looking at me hissing.
This cat part of the dream I have remembered on two other occasions of rest. All I know is that it fuels my dislike for cats even more.
... Cue alarm clock.
For as long as I can remember I have always had vivid dreams. It's like Inception but clearly not.
I know that I am not the only one who wonders what life would be like in a different light, perspective, life, or events. Though I can't say for sure what this dreams subject matter even was there are aspects that I think about as the reversal of the dirt and grime that began to disappear on me in that locked room and then the door openning after what seemed like an eternity, I see that as Jesus entering my life and how even if my life was different.
It is extremely far fetched to wonder if I would still be the same kind of person if I hadn't been born from my Mothers womb but someone elses. Regardless this is just a dream and I am all the more thankful that I was born from my Mothers womb. I am glad I look like my parents and no one elses. I am joyful that I have their traits and heritage. I am thankful that my Dad did choose my Mom because through it my brother and I were created and I am thankful for their lives and mine.
It's truly amazing what can happen during your deepest R.E.M.s. Perhaps we must be more careful in the types of rest that we seek and gain. If we spend too much time dwelling and translating, we may miss the simplicity of Gods love and passion for us.
I will try not to spend the rest of my days trying to translate an insane house feline attacking my left thumb...
-Keep Adventuring.
Hop on board my Support Team!
Here's How!
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Thursday, January 14, 2016
The Time is Now
Perseverance:
- The quality that allows someone to continue trying to do something even if it is difficult.
- Continued effort to do or achieve something despite of difficulties, failure, or opposition.
- Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
- Steady persistence in a course or action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
When thinking about this word today, I can't help but feel like so many parts of me fail to persevere in obedience. Recently I have been dreaming about what life would feel like if I wasn't drained constantly. How it would feel to not feel exhausted on a daily basis. To actually wake up and feel refreshed.
In times past I have misinterpreted Gods words toward my heart and flesh to push harder and get through it instead of resting in his presence and strength. In the same way I have also tried and continue to try and gain my own rest and comfort, not Gods.
- Knocking my teeth out when I was a little one
- Transferring schools because I had trouble reading
- Middle school
- High School
- Running the mile during Field Hockey Practice
- Pre-season Track Practice
- Parental Separation
- Parental Divorce
- Dysfunction
- Relative death
- Dog death
- Depressed thoughts of suicide
- My first 5k
- My first 10k
- Half Marathon(s)
- A full marathon
- Heartbreak
- Oppression
- Broken bones
- Scrapes
- Miles and miles on bikes
- Tired limbs
- A tired heart
- Exhaustion
etc...
Looking back, God is the only reason why I was able to make it through any of that. Whether I had acknowledged Him in each of these moments or not.
The difference in all of these experiences is I can personally see where I acknowledged Gods strength above my own and where I wrestled like Jacob so many times... I can also see where I kept my arms glued to my sides instead of reaching out for Him to pull me up and carry me.
31What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has Chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who dies- more than that, who was raised to life- is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
36As it is written:
"For the sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."- Romans 8:31-39
...The time is now.
-Keep Adventuring.
Join my support team!
Here's how: Check it!
- The quality that allows someone to continue trying to do something even if it is difficult.
- Continued effort to do or achieve something despite of difficulties, failure, or opposition.
- Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
- Steady persistence in a course or action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
When thinking about this word today, I can't help but feel like so many parts of me fail to persevere in obedience. Recently I have been dreaming about what life would feel like if I wasn't drained constantly. How it would feel to not feel exhausted on a daily basis. To actually wake up and feel refreshed.
In times past I have misinterpreted Gods words toward my heart and flesh to push harder and get through it instead of resting in his presence and strength. In the same way I have also tried and continue to try and gain my own rest and comfort, not Gods.
- Knocking my teeth out when I was a little one
- Transferring schools because I had trouble reading
- Middle school
- High School
- Running the mile during Field Hockey Practice
- Pre-season Track Practice
- Parental Separation
- Parental Divorce
- Dysfunction
- Relative death
- Dog death
- Depressed thoughts of suicide
- My first 5k
- My first 10k
- Half Marathon(s)
- A full marathon
- Heartbreak
- Oppression
- Broken bones
- Scrapes
- Miles and miles on bikes
- Tired limbs
- A tired heart
- Exhaustion
etc...
Looking back, God is the only reason why I was able to make it through any of that. Whether I had acknowledged Him in each of these moments or not.
The difference in all of these experiences is I can personally see where I acknowledged Gods strength above my own and where I wrestled like Jacob so many times... I can also see where I kept my arms glued to my sides instead of reaching out for Him to pull me up and carry me.
31What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has Chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who dies- more than that, who was raised to life- is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
36As it is written:
"For the sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."- Romans 8:31-39
...The time is now.
-Keep Adventuring.
Join my support team!
Here's how: Check it!
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Conditioning To Be Unconditional.
"If I speak in tongues of men or of angels, but do not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift to prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and Give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4Love it patient, love is kind. I does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self seek-ing, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres... 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1Corinthians 13:1-7, 13
There is something large and unexplainable to say about grace in life and the lives of others. Grace has been given to me so many times in the middle of a personal fight for what I would see as fit or not fit for grace. I have struggled with grace for others. I have most definitely struggled to know and accept grace in my own life.
With each trip and each stumble, I have felt anger, shame, guilt, and sadness. Sometimes these emeotions overrule grace and cause distraction from salvation and truth.
"12God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him. 13And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, "God is tempting me." God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. 14Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."- James 1:12-15
See with out God reigning over my life I only see bits and pieces of the plan on my life with no direction or faith of how to get to where I desire to be. He has placed these desires within me to begin with. And though I see my journey as one way He sees the approach completely different by the plans to equip, prosper and bless...
Over the years as I have pursued, I have stumbled and wandered away in various ways. I get distracted by trend, by culture, by flesh and other things. One of two ways: Exercise of my faith and the obedience of spending quality time with the Lord and setting my sight on what He has for my life VS what I think I want and what I think I need.
Recently I have realized a few things that while I don't feel proud of it, I can say with confidence that Gods grace in my life, upon my life is overwhleming at times. Some times it feels like a bridge to a song. When music and lyrics climax to the point where you just can't even bear to keep the truth with in you but instead belt it out loud and shakey because as your mouth reflects the truth that is being shared with you, you loose control of your abilities because of Gods presence through verbal confirmation.
This is how I have been feeling. While I surrender certain things I still tend to have a pinky finger on it. Or sometimes perhaps feel like this is something I can handle, I don't need to burden God with it. Through these types of choices I have found that I honestly do give my self in pieces.
Because of my brokenness and desperate need for my savior I know that by default my love can be the following...
Passive
Disengaged
Absent
Distracted
Unloyal
Rebelious
Broken
Insecure
Selfish
Conditional
As I have been reflecting on these things the last few days I have been thinking about how imperfect and in desperate need of grace and salvation that I am... But God is not me. And regardless of my rebellion and distracted nature, as well as broken, selfish and insecure, God still chooses to give Himself entirely to me.
I'll say it again, He pursues vigorously and endlessly.
This thought overwhelms me daily.
"You don't give yourself in pieces,
you don't hide yourself to tease us".
That truth is overwhelming just like the bridge to the song that that quotes truth has come from.
Pieces- Amanda Cook
New Years Resolution (New Life Resolution):
-Give all of myself. It's the least I can do for What Jesus did for me.
-Keep Adventuring.
Hop on board my Support Team!
Here's how: Daria at SROM
4Love it patient, love is kind. I does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self seek-ing, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres... 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1Corinthians 13:1-7, 13
There is something large and unexplainable to say about grace in life and the lives of others. Grace has been given to me so many times in the middle of a personal fight for what I would see as fit or not fit for grace. I have struggled with grace for others. I have most definitely struggled to know and accept grace in my own life.
With each trip and each stumble, I have felt anger, shame, guilt, and sadness. Sometimes these emeotions overrule grace and cause distraction from salvation and truth.
"12God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him. 13And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, "God is tempting me." God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. 14Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."- James 1:12-15
See with out God reigning over my life I only see bits and pieces of the plan on my life with no direction or faith of how to get to where I desire to be. He has placed these desires within me to begin with. And though I see my journey as one way He sees the approach completely different by the plans to equip, prosper and bless...
Over the years as I have pursued, I have stumbled and wandered away in various ways. I get distracted by trend, by culture, by flesh and other things. One of two ways: Exercise of my faith and the obedience of spending quality time with the Lord and setting my sight on what He has for my life VS what I think I want and what I think I need.
Recently I have realized a few things that while I don't feel proud of it, I can say with confidence that Gods grace in my life, upon my life is overwhleming at times. Some times it feels like a bridge to a song. When music and lyrics climax to the point where you just can't even bear to keep the truth with in you but instead belt it out loud and shakey because as your mouth reflects the truth that is being shared with you, you loose control of your abilities because of Gods presence through verbal confirmation.
This is how I have been feeling. While I surrender certain things I still tend to have a pinky finger on it. Or sometimes perhaps feel like this is something I can handle, I don't need to burden God with it. Through these types of choices I have found that I honestly do give my self in pieces.
Because of my brokenness and desperate need for my savior I know that by default my love can be the following...
Passive
Disengaged
Absent
Distracted
Unloyal
Rebelious
Broken
Insecure
Selfish
Conditional
As I have been reflecting on these things the last few days I have been thinking about how imperfect and in desperate need of grace and salvation that I am... But God is not me. And regardless of my rebellion and distracted nature, as well as broken, selfish and insecure, God still chooses to give Himself entirely to me.
I'll say it again, He pursues vigorously and endlessly.
This thought overwhelms me daily.
"You don't give yourself in pieces,
you don't hide yourself to tease us".
That truth is overwhelming just like the bridge to the song that that quotes truth has come from.
Pieces- Amanda Cook
One song of so many from the Album: Brave New World
"This album represents a voyage- a voyage of discovering that
God has been on out side all along and that He has given us
permission
to wrestle with truth, Process pain, and ask big
questions. This album is a reminder that along our pilgrimage
there is invitation to be transformed by perfect Love."
-Amanda Cook
New Years Resolution (New Life Resolution):
-Give all of myself. It's the least I can do for What Jesus did for me.
-Keep Adventuring.
Hop on board my Support Team!
Here's how: Daria at SROM
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