Scuffed Up Knees.

It is the end of ourselves that can be so hard to overcome. In a sense it feels like failure when we come to the end of ourselves. But this is all that Jesus wants. Yes... It is not about a sense of pride and knowing I can make it on my own but instead the humility and the continual surrender to the understanding, acceptance, hope and JOY that we gain in knowing that we don't need to do it by ourselves and all that we make of this life is meaningless in comparison to the glory of eternity.

I am reminded constantly that I am merely just here to help. I struggle in this many time, DAILY. I struggle in the flesh of wishing I could be that continual thing... Comfortable. Financially comfortable. Comfortable in my own skin, comfortable in my competencies of what I do day to day. Comfortable in social situations and comfortable in acceptance of things I can not and should not control.

It is through these frustrations and bashful unpacking that I continually repeat this process of coming to the end of myself. Humbly red cheeked looking back up at His glory and asking for forgiveness in these stumbling s over needs, wants and "thinking I needs".

As our apartment isn't even slightly packed, and we transition in a somewhat constant unknown. I have realized more and more how unsteady I feel and this scares me. Not just in the unknown of what these next two years will look like but a constant coming to the end of myself to where God begins to proceed where he had previously paused on working on certain areas of me. In trusting, in humility. in reminding me of where my true treasure is.

If I'm honest I do struggle very much with the truth and promises of eternity when there is so much shinny and cool status' to be had and rank of experiences had and cool factors of who's doing the coolest what and how many likes they have on their feed because of it.

But what is the point if there is no depth in 2D photographs, filters and nonsense?

I am reminded and at times get very excited about eternity, but then these shinny things distract and pull me away from keeping my eyes on the crown. I begin to veer away from the direction and influences I should follow in order to run the race and finish well. And as much as I hate to admit it, I sit in the bitterness of what isn't mine that honestly will not matter in the end Versus what I already posses and am completely oblivious to, which is "the way, the truth and the life."- John 14:6

In many way we come to many ends of ourselves over and over and over again. and in each of these comings, His grace is sufficient and although we may be embarrassed in our stumbling s, He himself is so proud of and overflowing with love for us that we have come to the ends of ourselves over and over to allow him to take the wheel again and to grow us, and wash us of our sheepishness.

It is at the end of ourselves that we become least distracted and the most observant of His presence and peace.

Thank you Jesus.