Up These Hills

I've been doing a lot of walking around here. I walk on pavement, gravel, wood, and dusty trails. I do a lot of walking up. Most of the trails and destinations we have here are at the top of steep trails. They can be full of surprises all the time. Will I slip? Will I slide, tumble, create a tiny land slide, make it down unscathed?

I have climbed many mountains in my life. Some short, some that have rocked my world, some that I never summited and some I chose not to. When I was in Ecuador while climbing in high altitude and moving forward, I realized a lot of things about myself. Something that changed my eyes and my outlook on so many things in my life and how I look at these open trails now is what our team guide told me at over 17,000ft on a glacier at sunrise on a crystal morning as the sun crested the horizon right beside a volcano in the distance. All while I was having a mental and physical battle to reach the summit. Head pounding at 16,000ft in the small base hut built into pumice and mud that sat cozily underneath Cotopaxi, a volcano that was over 19,000ft in elevating wonder and mysterious beauty.

I kept having dizzy spells and honestly should have turned back earlier than I did. Every step becoming so brutal and so real. I couldn't do this. This was the first time in my life I physically could not go on. How frustrating that was to try so hard in preparation and anticipation to only reach something that isn't what you imagined. I was frustrated and mad at myself. For more reasons than just having mental blocks about proceeding rest-step after rest-step, stopping every 25 feet to try and force any air that might have been hiding in the pitch dark 4 something in the morning.

I prayed for the strength, I prayed for understanding and grace of the battle that my body and mind were having until these words came from a beautiful Ecuadorian accented heart ..."Everyone has their own summit, one is very different from another. This is your summit, Celebrate!"

We danced on the side of Cotopaxi that morning. I cried and looked to the fading stars above me to feel the glorious love that was silently raining down on me. as the landscapes began to awaken and distant Quito city lights began to flicker from the clumsy fog. We had made it to a new destination, a new moment, a new realization. How glorious? How Stunning life was. 

How simple, and yet my human mind forgets at times the utter beauty of it all. Wanting something so badly doesn't mean you always get it. A reminder then has been to look at the places you are currently standing. The details in the fabric and the journey itself. How blessed? How stunning? Enjoying even just a little bit of sunshine that falls down through the Redwood trees on a brisk morning. To see the pure joy and raw innocence in a childs eyes as they laugh and learn. As they grow and teach us things we have forgotten in the hustle and bustle of "growing up".

This life is so neat.