Fickle Weather.

I have been extremely quiet yet again today... It's not a bad thing, honestly. However in the midst of my reading and writing, I have been becoming more and more overwhelmed with compassion and heart ache of how much I want to understand it all more deeply than ever. As I sat in church this morning next to my dear friend, listening to what was being said. How Ruth lost so much of everything and still seeked refuge in the Lord. That is what we need. to be saved. Everyday. It was clearly spoken to me again this morning, that sometimes the strongest prayer can be asking for help, breaking down and being the most vulnerable. Being vulnerable and ditching our pride...We're only human. I will be the first to admit it. But the truth is I can't do this on my own.... And why would I want to? At times we forget what we cannot see. If you would just open your eyes you can see that it is written in each snow flake, or a Broadleys Flat Lizard

I have been missing some family members lately. Brothers and Sisters who move my heart every time I think of them and their amazing souls. You conveniently wander into my head at the best times. Helping remind me that though we will meet again, sooner than we can imagine, my time is meant to be spent here right now. I have struggled with that recently. Things are certainly different than they were before. But it has been a promising different. Again I know I can't do this on my own, and I have been digging deep to let go of my pride, my fears, my doubts, and my walls. I felt overwhelmed a month ago being surrounded by so much new. It continues here and even being in my own home town, everyday is a new blast of growth and understanding the lessons that are being taught.

The Parable of the Sower
 ¹ That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. ² Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. ³ Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. ⁴ As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. ⁵ Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. ⁶ But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. ⁸ Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. ⁹ Whoever has ears, let them hear.” Matthew 13: 1-9


As I read this passage tonight, Christine St.Hilaire (Block) came into my head. I can recall a moment in my college career when she spoke of this passage. As I read more and more I find my self second guessing myself when it come to interpretations... "The bible is not about me, it is mainly about Jesus." However I noticed how my college years I struggled with where my seeds were. Mentally I had struggled. My mentality was choked out, or withered. Now looking back on it, and reading that passage tonight, I have been so blind. Seeing it now from this perspective I am beginning to understand more. And I am thirsty for more. Thinking about Christine and how she has been with me from the very beginning of this journey, it has made me realize who else has been there and who has recently appeared and I feel will continue to be on my "Home Team" for quite some long time. I am so thankful. My seeds are deeper now in more fertile ground than I have ever had. However, the weather has been fickle and I must continue to proceed with caution, being sure to nurture and tend to any weeds. Even then I need to be extremely careful. Yes, weeds shouldn't be there, just like in "Parable of the Wheat and Weeds".

It has been so interesting. I am not so much surprised as much as I am more calm about things I just don't understand. To see that a lot of things I didn't understand I understand why, now. However there are plenty of things I will not understand for a very long time... or ever, for that matter. But that's just one of the countless reasons why this is all so incredible. This is why He has continued to rip open my heart and open my eyes. We can't understand everything. And I'm all about it.

Very interesting things...