I am a nut case...simply said. Emotionally I have been completely all over the place! As I left lunch today, driving away with what felt like an empty heart. I am so tired of this. I am so tired of my heart and my brain yearning for it to be different. I am tired of the way things were. I am just tired. When I'm tired I enjoy listening to music that fits my mood. Roaming from Ben Harper's Forever to Jack Johnson's Home, I contemplated crying at how crazy this phase has gotten me or to laugh because it's all just a bit absurd with hearts on sloppy sleeves mixed with tree house paint and grass stains...I am in a whirlwind of life, and there's nothing stopping it.
As I left the bank, I looked into my rear view mirror to see a very fragile woman who I had helped open the door for at the bank only 10 minutes earlier. One car stopped to let her pass. She waved with her over sized knit royal blue mittens with a huge smile, thanking the driver so kindly. She looked around the car to see what other cars were coming and who else would stop for her. As the next one did she also waved with her massive mittens as she scuffled her little legs across the rest of the intersection. I don't know why...but I began to cry. It could have been the fact that Kim Walker's How He Loves us was playing on my ipod, but I lost it. She was so gracious, so thankful and had such a beautiful smile on her face from the moment we met eyes till after I drove away. I'm sure she's still wearing that smile as I'm letting my thoughts flow through my finger tips to type this right now...as we speak.
It's been the little things lately. Commercials that are less than 10 seconds long get me teary eyed. Like that payless commercial where the girls running in slow motion and tackles a guy who's getting out of a cab... He came home from the armed forces....watching Finding Nemo!! Common! ....I am a hot mess......
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns
violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...
He loves us,
whoa, how He loves us
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