"Some say we need a miracle
Some say there’s no hope at all
But I know that Your love is strong, it goes on and on
and on and on
Rise up when it gets us down
It’ll be the voice in a blaring crowd
Because we know Your love will lead us home
It goes on and on and on and on…"
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Nonverbal Horizons
The last few days I have been feeling dimmed out...yet...Clarity has risen in the mix of various thoughts and meanderings.
We got drenched this week. Soaked to the bone with hail, wind, mud and surface run off. Kids spirits were low as the week began but by the end, they soared. We waved goodbye on Friday with sand in our shoes. I wonder what floated through their heads while reminiscing conversations about journeys and ways to eat apples. Driving back towards camp from a crystal clear pacific ocean, through green pastures and winding one lane roads, we took a hot second pit stop to look out over the wilderness meeting the ocean. I doubt I will ever get passed the beauty of creation that is Northern California and how its mountains meet the sea. It's simply stunning.
Back behind the wheel, Brett Dennen flowed through the speakers.
These last few days I have been reading Numbers. In the mornings as I yawned and was found to be bored of what I was reading, suddenly I was awoken to the realization of a few things. Firstly How young I really am. How naive I am and how I have been doubting trust of so many different things that have consumed my heart and mind. Secondly I began to calm down and realize that that's OK. As I read further into Numbers, I notice how the Lord wants to separate classes of men by age and by group for specific jobs amongst the Israelites. Men who are older than 30 cannot become soldiers for the Armies. But are instead given great responsibility. They are older and they can truly grasp the importance of the Tabernacle (perhaps). We are young because this is the time we were supposed to come. We are young and at times lost in translation not only with the world but with our own thoughts and various views because we are young and we have not seen nearly half the things that older generations have seen...That may be a bit of a far fetched thought.
We are frustrated with thoughts and views of who we "should" be or "want" to be. As I drove back from the beach I was pulled away from conversation with a thought. We are human. It is simple but rather complex. We are sinful, we are lost, but many of us have been found. That doesn't mean we have found all that is required of us or how we should present ourselves.
I had a camper on the zipline this week who wanted to go off so badly but kept pulling back. Asking for more time. Needing just a minute more to prepare himself. Finally after multiple countdowns and overflowing encouragement...we were both exhausted and he had to climb back down the ladder.
...I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this... Hearing words forming into sentences from friends on different topics of Christianity and how it truly isn't about us...How we all struggle with being human. We struggle with sin, and selfishness. We struggle to live rightly and serve with out strings. To trust in more than just what we can see... entirely. Nothing Lasts Forever By Brett Dennen This song provided me with some puzzle pieces in between moments of enlightening perspective. All while my continued journey down this path leads me around various bends and curves. We see things in how this WORLD has interpreted over the years and through different progressions and digressions, at times it is more clearly seen that we are human. We are flawed, and that is how it is. Simple, right?...Yet complicated. Human emotion is a fickle thing. We are born into the times of living we were meant to be born into The Lord created His plan to fulfill so many devine things and we are intertwined in all it's mighty beaten paths and raging rivers, all while planting seeds and watering gardens. We mustn't "dwell" upon what continues to break us. We are simply human. Instead we must continue to "give thanks for our dreams" and enjoy what is here and be able to laugh live, love and serve under an amazing God. There are certainly times that are more serious and more broken...but... It is what He has created us personally to fulfill and/or provide. If we continue to dwell continuously, we will miss these moments....
"nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released"
It is good to be broken and realize these things. It is growth to process, realize and accept (or not to accept) things about ourselves. It is another thing, completely different, to go through life when others realize it while you don't see it and continue down a path astray from what you were meant to be on.
The human brain is an interesting muscle, How it can go through so many different things... Bend and mold to thoughts that don't physically exist. But yet these thoughts exist. I never verbalized any of this I simply wrote most of these thoughts...If it weren't for journals, friends and blogs, perhaps people would have a hard time believing that a thought ever existed to begin with unless you spoke of it...I'm cracking myself up with these current thoughts. How true it is, that not all things are physically obvious or understood...
Brett Dennen: "Nothing Lasts Forever"
I saw you spiraling
I saw you spinning back in time
through all your memories
such a quiet disease
you had forgotten me
but I'll always remember you dancing
across the kitchen in your orange handkerchief
such a quiet disease
I pray that when you dream you would remember everything
you know it all comes back to you
in one conscience dream
maybe you'd sing and put words to all the things
that you think of in a day
but forgotten how to say
nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released
life is so precious it's as fragile as a dream
and in a moment we all grow our wings
I wish to sing as if no ones listening
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
and I, give thanks for my dreams
you can rob me of my sight
and you can poison my blood stream
but as long as I can dream then life is worth living
nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released
nothing last forever
not even the sun
for all we know it could have burned out light years ago
darkness remains the hardest thing for us to outrun
We got drenched this week. Soaked to the bone with hail, wind, mud and surface run off. Kids spirits were low as the week began but by the end, they soared. We waved goodbye on Friday with sand in our shoes. I wonder what floated through their heads while reminiscing conversations about journeys and ways to eat apples. Driving back towards camp from a crystal clear pacific ocean, through green pastures and winding one lane roads, we took a hot second pit stop to look out over the wilderness meeting the ocean. I doubt I will ever get passed the beauty of creation that is Northern California and how its mountains meet the sea. It's simply stunning.
Back behind the wheel, Brett Dennen flowed through the speakers.
These last few days I have been reading Numbers. In the mornings as I yawned and was found to be bored of what I was reading, suddenly I was awoken to the realization of a few things. Firstly How young I really am. How naive I am and how I have been doubting trust of so many different things that have consumed my heart and mind. Secondly I began to calm down and realize that that's OK. As I read further into Numbers, I notice how the Lord wants to separate classes of men by age and by group for specific jobs amongst the Israelites. Men who are older than 30 cannot become soldiers for the Armies. But are instead given great responsibility. They are older and they can truly grasp the importance of the Tabernacle (perhaps). We are young because this is the time we were supposed to come. We are young and at times lost in translation not only with the world but with our own thoughts and various views because we are young and we have not seen nearly half the things that older generations have seen...That may be a bit of a far fetched thought.
We are frustrated with thoughts and views of who we "should" be or "want" to be. As I drove back from the beach I was pulled away from conversation with a thought. We are human. It is simple but rather complex. We are sinful, we are lost, but many of us have been found. That doesn't mean we have found all that is required of us or how we should present ourselves.
I had a camper on the zipline this week who wanted to go off so badly but kept pulling back. Asking for more time. Needing just a minute more to prepare himself. Finally after multiple countdowns and overflowing encouragement...we were both exhausted and he had to climb back down the ladder.
...I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this... Hearing words forming into sentences from friends on different topics of Christianity and how it truly isn't about us...How we all struggle with being human. We struggle with sin, and selfishness. We struggle to live rightly and serve with out strings. To trust in more than just what we can see... entirely. Nothing Lasts Forever By Brett Dennen This song provided me with some puzzle pieces in between moments of enlightening perspective. All while my continued journey down this path leads me around various bends and curves. We see things in how this WORLD has interpreted over the years and through different progressions and digressions, at times it is more clearly seen that we are human. We are flawed, and that is how it is. Simple, right?...Yet complicated. Human emotion is a fickle thing. We are born into the times of living we were meant to be born into The Lord created His plan to fulfill so many devine things and we are intertwined in all it's mighty beaten paths and raging rivers, all while planting seeds and watering gardens. We mustn't "dwell" upon what continues to break us. We are simply human. Instead we must continue to "give thanks for our dreams" and enjoy what is here and be able to laugh live, love and serve under an amazing God. There are certainly times that are more serious and more broken...but... It is what He has created us personally to fulfill and/or provide. If we continue to dwell continuously, we will miss these moments....
"nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released"
It is good to be broken and realize these things. It is growth to process, realize and accept (or not to accept) things about ourselves. It is another thing, completely different, to go through life when others realize it while you don't see it and continue down a path astray from what you were meant to be on.
The human brain is an interesting muscle, How it can go through so many different things... Bend and mold to thoughts that don't physically exist. But yet these thoughts exist. I never verbalized any of this I simply wrote most of these thoughts...If it weren't for journals, friends and blogs, perhaps people would have a hard time believing that a thought ever existed to begin with unless you spoke of it...I'm cracking myself up with these current thoughts. How true it is, that not all things are physically obvious or understood...
Brett Dennen: "Nothing Lasts Forever"
I saw you spiraling
I saw you spinning back in time
through all your memories
such a quiet disease
you had forgotten me
but I'll always remember you dancing
across the kitchen in your orange handkerchief
such a quiet disease
I pray that when you dream you would remember everything
you know it all comes back to you
in one conscience dream
maybe you'd sing and put words to all the things
that you think of in a day
but forgotten how to say
nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released
life is so precious it's as fragile as a dream
and in a moment we all grow our wings
I wish to sing as if no ones listening
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
and I, give thanks for my dreams
you can rob me of my sight
and you can poison my blood stream
but as long as I can dream then life is worth living
nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released
nothing last forever
not even the sun
for all we know it could have burned out light years ago
darkness remains the hardest thing for us to outrun
Friday, February 11, 2011
Dear Mother
I am quickly growing to love Psalm 39 more and more each time I read it.
Go ahead take a look.... Psalm 39
I know, right? Raw. But in a good way. I just read it this evening as I sat here drinking my tea after a good evening of words flowing over "White lightning" and "Damnation" beer. Onion rings with a side of chocolate moose. I spent most of my day alone, plugged in while praying as I hammered, climbed and pruned at tall giants conversing... asking, "what's next?" Lyrics floated through my head joining with various verses and lines.
My thoughts have been feeling selfish and material driven lately, a constant knot in my stomach about things...like bills...( "The norm"). If you know me, you'd know I can't stand the thought of money or pointless materialistic things. And yet I own far to many clothes, care way to much about my style. Always cautious yet rather careless with the way I handle numbers... I am very disorganized. However my thoughts still stand the same...I am simply not a lover of money. I am a lover of people. I am however trying to respect it more...If that makes any sense what so ever. I am again... trying, like always, to down grade.
6 We are merely moving shadows,and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.
We heap up wealth,
not knowing who will spend it.
7 And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
My only hope is in you.
I mean, think about it. Constantly moving, moving, moving to get things done to save money, to spend money, to gain wealth and happiness to "prepare", "excel" while we are on this earth...The saying does go though, "You can't take it with you". It's true. Happiness is temporary, joy is everlasting...It is eternal, just like Him.
4 “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered—
how fleeting my life is.
5 You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath.”
With fresh air in my lungs and Douglas Fir dust in my eyes...balls, I was joyed. To do something among these many blessings where I have currently been called to be apart of. It's a pretty neat place to be.
If you had walked by me as I worked you might mistaken my loneliness as an imaginary friend. I talked a lot, but I also listened, A LOT. I found a few answers... I also found that gravity is a silly yet intense thing...we'll just leave it at that.
As I walked around the grounds today, I had a song flowing out of my heart and off my lips, Eternal.
I have been enjoying the subtle reminders...
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Standing Still.
As I heard Christine Blocks voice fill my left ear in the California sunshine while sitting near a tree in the parking lot after church, words from our conversation were words of comfort and encouragement. "Right now you must simply be loved. You will have your chance to give back and spread the love more, but for now, be loved and know that it is what you need."
Along with a good reminder that in the midst of all of my worrying and trying to find answers that we must be still. How quickly it is forgotten in the hustle and bustle of overwhelming thoughts and plans. "Be still and know that I am God."...We are only human.
I went for a run today...My mind went blank. As I closed my eyes and raised my hands to the kingdom, loosing myself behind my eyelids and the heart beat in my ears syncing to Train's "When I look to the sky"...I lost myself in so many ways and now I am working to get myself back on track. Moving forward and continuing to love hard and often...
It is indeed what we are called to do...To love and be loved.
Along with a good reminder that in the midst of all of my worrying and trying to find answers that we must be still. How quickly it is forgotten in the hustle and bustle of overwhelming thoughts and plans. "Be still and know that I am God."...We are only human.
It is indeed what we are called to do...To love and be loved.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Tea and Trinkets
1/29/11, 11:56 am, Hopland:
I decided I would drive a half hour north bound and stop at the first cafe I see. And it brought me to this very small, quaint place called Sunny's Donuts Bakery and Cafe. To my left I look out the window to see The Blue Bird Diner. I am currently the only one in here. Drinking some camomile tea and enjoying being somewhere I have never been, feeling lost and blended with the town yet content. As I drove here, rumble strips rattled as I became slightly distracted by landscapes. Reminds me of Ecuador. Hills of brush, trees and green patched up like train exhibit trinkets.
Ten days and I barely even had the chance to smell the amazing Ecuadorian flowers as we rushed from location to location trying to take in as much of the culture and lifestyles of the locals all while climbing vertical and gasping for air. Squinting to try and see many different shades of light that had been shed upon our hearts under the South Americana sun. In ten days I began to see language barriers being chipped at with chisels. How much of an impact it is to be submerged past your ears with beautiful hearts and minds wrapped around your arms and legs with little smiles and eyes full of dreams. Souls filled with faith. Makes you wonder...What's next?
I haven't brought the subject up a lot because I don't want to get my hopes up in case plans lead me to alternate directions. However my prayers have been loud and my heart is known. Questions keep circling in and out of various conversations and thoughts. All while stories and journeys continue to be shared and tears of joy and overwhelming grief cause my face to shine...South Africa.
I have been doing a lot of zoning lately... I wonder if I want to go to Africa and spread the gospel and serve or do I just want to go to be able to relate to those who have returned. Even from the moment I first found out about Alliance and the possibility of traveling to South Africa, it has intrigued me. Even before I met these souls it has reached out to my heart...
6 months is a long time and we are already two weeks in. where will the next weeks, days, hours lead my heart, where will God ask me to go? Will He even ask me to go? Or will I stay? These thoughts are just a trickle of what has been streaming through lately. It all makes us realize how much we really don't know or trust not only in ourselves but in the Lord. Even at twenty-four we are just beginning. Wondering how we got to where we are and when we felt so lost even just a couple of years ago. Thinking forward to how twenty-four would really feel... I am a roaming child whose heart is in the hands of her Father.
"El-Shaddai"-"God Almighty" Exodus 6:3
This book has been very challenging. I can see more and more how my eyes are stubborn at times to be opened. Everything is powerful about this book and I find myself completely lost in the thick of it. Seeing how powerful God really is. But why harden hearts when you can simply soften them and have families and ancestors understand all the more? Is it to learn to fear God more? Is it to physically feel His wrath as a reminder? How can that be if He causes you to go blind in your heart to cause you denial and push away any and all understandings?
Exodus 14 =intense. The final proving of the Lords power and the lasting faithfulness through Moses. Followers were skeptical then after that final act it again makes me question why even they, the Israelites, didn't put all trust in following even after the things they had witnessed back in Egypt.
I wear a ring every day that is seared with the word faith touching my skin on the inner part of the metal every time it is read it becomes more and more etched upon my heart. whispering a sweet reminder...
Live by faith, not my sight
I decided I would drive a half hour north bound and stop at the first cafe I see. And it brought me to this very small, quaint place called Sunny's Donuts Bakery and Cafe. To my left I look out the window to see The Blue Bird Diner. I am currently the only one in here. Drinking some camomile tea and enjoying being somewhere I have never been, feeling lost and blended with the town yet content. As I drove here, rumble strips rattled as I became slightly distracted by landscapes. Reminds me of Ecuador. Hills of brush, trees and green patched up like train exhibit trinkets.
Ten days and I barely even had the chance to smell the amazing Ecuadorian flowers as we rushed from location to location trying to take in as much of the culture and lifestyles of the locals all while climbing vertical and gasping for air. Squinting to try and see many different shades of light that had been shed upon our hearts under the South Americana sun. In ten days I began to see language barriers being chipped at with chisels. How much of an impact it is to be submerged past your ears with beautiful hearts and minds wrapped around your arms and legs with little smiles and eyes full of dreams. Souls filled with faith. Makes you wonder...What's next?
I haven't brought the subject up a lot because I don't want to get my hopes up in case plans lead me to alternate directions. However my prayers have been loud and my heart is known. Questions keep circling in and out of various conversations and thoughts. All while stories and journeys continue to be shared and tears of joy and overwhelming grief cause my face to shine...South Africa.
I have been doing a lot of zoning lately... I wonder if I want to go to Africa and spread the gospel and serve or do I just want to go to be able to relate to those who have returned. Even from the moment I first found out about Alliance and the possibility of traveling to South Africa, it has intrigued me. Even before I met these souls it has reached out to my heart...
6 months is a long time and we are already two weeks in. where will the next weeks, days, hours lead my heart, where will God ask me to go? Will He even ask me to go? Or will I stay? These thoughts are just a trickle of what has been streaming through lately. It all makes us realize how much we really don't know or trust not only in ourselves but in the Lord. Even at twenty-four we are just beginning. Wondering how we got to where we are and when we felt so lost even just a couple of years ago. Thinking forward to how twenty-four would really feel... I am a roaming child whose heart is in the hands of her Father.
"El-Shaddai"-"God Almighty" Exodus 6:3
This book has been very challenging. I can see more and more how my eyes are stubborn at times to be opened. Everything is powerful about this book and I find myself completely lost in the thick of it. Seeing how powerful God really is. But why harden hearts when you can simply soften them and have families and ancestors understand all the more? Is it to learn to fear God more? Is it to physically feel His wrath as a reminder? How can that be if He causes you to go blind in your heart to cause you denial and push away any and all understandings?
Exodus 14 =intense. The final proving of the Lords power and the lasting faithfulness through Moses. Followers were skeptical then after that final act it again makes me question why even they, the Israelites, didn't put all trust in following even after the things they had witnessed back in Egypt.
I wear a ring every day that is seared with the word faith touching my skin on the inner part of the metal every time it is read it becomes more and more etched upon my heart. whispering a sweet reminder...
Live by faith, not my sight
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