We got drenched this week. Soaked to the bone with hail, wind, mud and surface run off. Kids spirits were low as the week began but by the end, they soared. We waved goodbye on Friday with sand in our shoes. I wonder what floated through their heads while reminiscing conversations about journeys and ways to eat apples. Driving back towards camp from a crystal clear pacific ocean, through green pastures and winding one lane roads, we took a hot second pit stop to look out over the wilderness meeting the ocean. I doubt I will ever get passed the beauty of creation that is Northern California and how its mountains meet the sea. It's simply stunning.
Back behind the wheel, Brett Dennen flowed through the speakers.
These last few days I have been reading Numbers. In the mornings as I yawned and was found to be bored of what I was reading, suddenly I was awoken to the realization of a few things. Firstly How young I really am. How naive I am and how I have been doubting trust of so many different things that have consumed my heart and mind. Secondly I began to calm down and realize that that's OK. As I read further into Numbers, I notice how the Lord wants to separate classes of men by age and by group for specific jobs amongst the Israelites. Men who are older than 30 cannot become soldiers for the Armies. But are instead given great responsibility. They are older and they can truly grasp the importance of the Tabernacle (perhaps). We are young because this is the time we were supposed to come. We are young and at times lost in translation not only with the world but with our own thoughts and various views because we are young and we have not seen nearly half the things that older generations have seen...That may be a bit of a far fetched thought.
We are frustrated with thoughts and views of who we "should" be or "want" to be. As I drove back from the beach I was pulled away from conversation with a thought. We are human. It is simple but rather complex. We are sinful, we are lost, but many of us have been found. That doesn't mean we have found all that is required of us or how we should present ourselves.
I had a camper on the zipline this week who wanted to go off so badly but kept pulling back. Asking for more time. Needing just a minute more to prepare himself. Finally after multiple countdowns and overflowing encouragement...we were both exhausted and he had to climb back down the ladder.
...I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this... Hearing words forming into sentences from friends on different topics of Christianity and how it truly isn't about us...How we all struggle with being human. We struggle with sin, and selfishness. We struggle to live rightly and serve with out strings. To trust in more than just what we can see... entirely. Nothing Lasts Forever By Brett Dennen This song provided me with some puzzle pieces in between moments of enlightening perspective. All while my continued journey down this path leads me around various bends and curves. We see things in how this WORLD has interpreted over the years and through different progressions and digressions, at times it is more clearly seen that we are human. We are flawed, and that is how it is. Simple, right?...Yet complicated. Human emotion is a fickle thing. We are born into the times of living we were meant to be born into The Lord created His plan to fulfill so many devine things and we are intertwined in all it's mighty beaten paths and raging rivers, all while planting seeds and watering gardens. We mustn't "dwell" upon what continues to break us. We are simply human. Instead we must continue to "give thanks for our dreams" and enjoy what is here and be able to laugh live, love and serve under an amazing God. There are certainly times that are more serious and more broken...but... It is what He has created us personally to fulfill and/or provide. If we continue to dwell continuously, we will miss these moments....
"nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released"
It is good to be broken and realize these things. It is growth to process, realize and accept (or not to accept) things about ourselves. It is another thing, completely different, to go through life when others realize it while you don't see it and continue down a path astray from what you were meant to be on.
The human brain is an interesting muscle, How it can go through so many different things... Bend and mold to thoughts that don't physically exist. But yet these thoughts exist. I never verbalized any of this I simply wrote most of these thoughts...If it weren't for journals, friends and blogs, perhaps people would have a hard time believing that a thought ever existed to begin with unless you spoke of it...I'm cracking myself up with these current thoughts. How true it is, that not all things are physically obvious or understood...
Brett Dennen: "Nothing Lasts Forever"
I saw you spiraling
I saw you spinning back in time
through all your memories
such a quiet disease
you had forgotten me
but I'll always remember you dancing
across the kitchen in your orange handkerchief
such a quiet disease
I pray that when you dream you would remember everything
you know it all comes back to you
in one conscience dream
maybe you'd sing and put words to all the things
that you think of in a day
but forgotten how to say
nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released
life is so precious it's as fragile as a dream
and in a moment we all grow our wings
I wish to sing as if no ones listening
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
and I, give thanks for my dreams
you can rob me of my sight
and you can poison my blood stream
but as long as I can dream then life is worth living
nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released
nothing last forever
not even the sun
for all we know it could have burned out light years ago
darkness remains the hardest thing for us to outrun
I love serving with you, learning form you, with you.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to seeing the pictures of your next year, both those taken on a camera, and those painted using words that you post here.
Never forget, Paradox, its always the answer.