Tea and Trinkets

1/29/11, 11:56 am, Hopland:
I decided I would drive a half hour north bound and stop at the first cafe I see. And it brought me to this very small, quaint place called Sunny's Donuts Bakery and Cafe. To my left I look out the window to see The Blue Bird Diner. I am currently the only one in here. Drinking some camomile tea and enjoying being somewhere I have never been, feeling lost and blended with the town yet content. As I drove here, rumble strips rattled as I became slightly distracted by landscapes. Reminds me of Ecuador. Hills of brush, trees and green patched up like train exhibit trinkets.

Ten days and I barely even had the chance to smell the amazing Ecuadorian flowers as we rushed from location to location trying to take in as much of the culture and lifestyles of the locals all while climbing vertical and gasping for air. Squinting to try and see many different shades of light that had been shed upon our hearts under the South Americana sun. In ten days I began to see language barriers being chipped at with chisels. How much of an impact it is to be submerged past your ears with beautiful hearts and minds wrapped around your arms and legs with little smiles and eyes full of dreams. Souls filled with faith. Makes you wonder...What's next?

I haven't brought the subject up a lot because I don't want to get my hopes up in case plans lead me to alternate directions. However my prayers have been loud and my heart is known. Questions keep circling in and out of various conversations and thoughts. All while stories and journeys continue to be shared and tears of joy and overwhelming grief cause my face to shine...South Africa.

I have been doing a lot of zoning lately... I wonder if I want to go to Africa and spread the gospel and serve or do I just want to go to be able to relate to those who have returned. Even from the moment I first found out about Alliance and the possibility of traveling to South Africa, it has intrigued me. Even before I met these souls it has reached out to my heart...

6 months is a long time and we are already two weeks in. where will the next weeks, days, hours lead my heart, where will God ask me to go? Will He even ask me to go? Or will I stay? These thoughts are just a trickle of what has been streaming through lately. It all makes us realize how much we really don't know or trust not only in ourselves but in the Lord. Even at twenty-four we are just beginning. Wondering how we got to where we are and when we felt so lost even just a couple of years ago. Thinking forward to how twenty-four would really feel... I am a roaming child whose heart is in the hands of her Father.

"El-Shaddai"-"God Almighty" Exodus 6:3
This book has been very challenging. I can see more and more how my eyes are stubborn at times to be opened. Everything is powerful about this book and I find myself completely lost in the thick of it. Seeing how powerful God really is. But why harden hearts when you can simply soften them and have families and ancestors understand all the more? Is it to learn to fear God more? Is it to physically feel His wrath as a reminder? How can that be if He causes you to go blind in your heart to cause you denial and push away any and all understandings?
Exodus 14 =intense. The final proving of the Lords power and the lasting faithfulness through Moses. Followers were skeptical then after that final act it again makes me question why even they, the Israelites, didn't put all trust in following even after the things they had witnessed back in Egypt.

I wear a ring every day that is seared with the word faith touching my skin on the inner part of the metal every time it is read it becomes more and more etched upon my heart. whispering a sweet reminder...

Live by faith, not my sight