Disconnect Through Disco-Tech

I've slept with a fan for as long as I can remember. For reasons seemingly unknown to me I can't describe the way that silence makes me feel. In so many ways I have felt like silence sometimes feels suffocating.

Flashback: I secretly hated slumber parties when I was in grade school. It was a blast until one by one we began to quiet down and lull off to sleep. I slept terribly at slumber parties because often the silence was too much for me to handle. I felt like every movement even a toe that I moved to get comfortable, the rustling in the silence disturbed everyone. So instead, I would lay there until I feel asleep from exhaustion. Often waking up early and not wanting to move but wishing everyone would wake up.

As long as there is something to muffle the sounds interrupting the silence, things are fine. But the silence can be deafening especially when you're in the back country. I use ear plugs... Not only because my tent mate snores but also because it "feels to quiet". More and more we plug things into our ears with white noise, ear plugs, music buds and head phones.

Silence is actually extremely beneficial. We have just become so used to filling this seemingly silent void with noise to distract ourselves from what is really needed... Rest. We become restless because of lack of rest... Because we do not disconnect ourselves from the everyday things that bring meaningless busyness to our lives. Through these situations competition is slowly born and grown into our culture that then breeds social disconnect through Disco-tech.I heard a song recently that seemingly expresses a millennial stepping out of the comforts and the conformity of perceived notion of what it means to be young and "connected". Alessia Cara- Here

More and more many people, millennials and non millennials alike are falling into social media competition addiction. Again Social disconnect through Disco-tech. Our fake selves being put on for an evening out, spending time making these costumes perfect while people are dieing inside, exhausted seeking to find rest while drowning out the silence of own personal judgement of a quiet night in alone seems like failure or unpopularity.

How often do we check our social media and feel that withdraw and fear of missing something so important like a status update or an amazing Instagram of art created in an underlying matter of secret "one-ups" and the quality of the post with per-determined words and hashtags?

Where has inspiration gone? Where has personal relationship gone? Where has silence and peace gone?

Here are a few articles in relation to things that not only I have noticed but indeed others are beginning to take a stand to what it means to be socially accepted, connected or distracted, disconnected and completely blinded by the world.

Is too Much Social Media Use Bad for Teen Health?- By Talal Al-Khat

How much is too much?- By Molly Kimball

An 18- Year- Old Instagram Star Says Her "Perfect Life" Was Actually Making Her Miserable- By Stephanie McNeal

Put your phone down, Close your laptop, put the cover on your ipad, take the buds and head phones out of your ears and get outside or sit in a comfy chair. Go for a walk, run, bike ride, stare at a tree (I've done it, it's awesome!) Feel the wind and be content in the silence that has been given. Don't worry about status updates, or catching a photo of the view your looking at to share with others of how you're "disconnecting"... Disconnect from the thought process of needing to connect!

Just be...

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."- Psalm 46:10





-Keep Adventuring.







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In My Head of Outward Expression.

Recently I've been having really weird dreams. Some silly but many disturbing as my heart and spirit go through the emotions within the dream of heart ache, severe betrayal, loss, and frustration, abandonment. Things make sense yet they don't make sense at all. People I haven't seen or spoken to in years.

I can sense an unclear connection. With in my dreams the main subject is people. I am constantly being abandoned or parted from... people. As disturbing as this feels, I feel like the more disturbing thing about all of this is that In my dreams I can feel myself becoming bitterly numb. I can see through the subjects in my dreams and I am not merciful to them I am the opposite. I am often revengeful with my words. Quick to express what is drooled all over my sleeve left over from the strangling of my heart from so many lost brutal battles in my life and past life.

I have never been good at letting seasons in my life go. I have never been good at saying goodbye to people or understanding why seasons exist in the ways that they do. I have always struggled with feeling disconnected from people when I so badly want to deeply connect with them. So many times people have entered my life and just as quickly as they entered they have vanished or become distant... Or maybe I've put distance between because of past circumstances.

Short seasons of great impact:
- Camp counselors
- Student teachers
- Semester Friends
- Course Instructors
- Bike Tour Mates

In each of these seasons the seasons change. I never thought any of that was possible. But things change constantly, we change constantly. So many parts of me know that through these life lessons, through the heartbreak of goodbye and the dynamic changes, God is crying out for me to seek him instead of rooting myself in... people.

It is something I am continually learning and relearning. It has been very hard for me to grab hold of this understanding and be obedient in it. The desire within me so badly wants to connect with those who are around me and find that deep, deep connection.

I read another blog this morning. A blog that is currently walking through the heartache, struggle and hope of healing. "Day 24"- antifragilesite The very beginning is what struck me most. These words that follow:
"Having expectations seems so harmless and sometimes even beneficial. But why do expectations have the power to cause so much pain and disappointment? I think when we really strip it down, expectations are a focus on 'self'. We have a picture in our heads of how our lives and relationships should look. When those expectations are not met, it messes with our joy."

 Through hearts ripping and through crash and burn expectations I know that God is for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11

My destiny is not to be fragile and broken. God has already redeemed my brokenness and is continually making me whole in Him. But rather I feel continually called to love unconditionally and deal with the heart ache that follows no matter how real and deep it may be. In each of these moments Love is what God calls me towards... No condition should ever prevent that.



- Keep adventuring.





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Work in Progess.

I have been on a rather intense non-stop pace of wanting to do many things all at once. Wanting to prepare myself the best I can for all the things when in truth, I will never be ready in the expectations that we see as "being ready".

For instance...

- I'm running a half marathon in June. I want to prepare and do the best I can for this event.
- I am in the midst of deep prayer about running my first half Ironman in September and feel like as long as I begin a training regimen that equally breaks down swimming, biking and running, I will be more that good to go.
- I'm becoming more involved in my church.
- We are getting married in May and we still have a lot of things to plan and communicate about. In my mind to get things done sooner than later is always better which at times brings me to think irrationally.
- I'm trying to communicate to friends and family about the wedding, life and everything coiciding with it.

I am coming to find that there aren't enough hours in the day to focus on all of these things in a quality manner that I feel each subject deserves.

The temptation of staying busy, active and up to date with life around me, I am realizing, is taking a toll on not only my mind but also my spirit. It's incredible how routine can often destroy us when we least expect it. The routine doesn't always begin instantly. It is a comfort that we don't even realize we seek.

It is having a chai and making another one because I want it and it's comforting to have a hot drink in my hand while I'm trying to concentrate. It can be grouchiness in a conversation because I'm used to going to bed at a certain time but clearly it was important to stay up and have that very important heart to heart with someone you love. It is often choosing to sit one day that turns into a week that can turn into months of couch surfing instead of going for a run or a walk or a bike ride. Routine quickly takes us over, it has the ability to lead us astray because it is predictable. Yet this is not how God created us to be. He created us to trust in Him not in the world of ill predicted weather and self ambition.

These things big or small can very much, slowly but steadily pull us away from the most important things. Trusting God, our relationship with God and the influence of God working in and through us.

"Lord, my Strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress, to you the nations will come from the end of the earth and say, "Our ancestors possessed nothing but false gods, worthless idols that did them no good.""-Jeremiah 16:19

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."- 2 Corinthians 12:9

This scripture stands true to how I (we) should be leaning towards and upon God. When we don't the personal strength that we have is quickly drained. It was never meant to sustain us anyway. Currently I am trying to declutter my mind of all the things that I feel like I need to do and simply bring my days back to God. Hand them back over and say, "Your desires, not mine". "prepare me for this day and this day alone and what you have planned for me not what I have planned for me".

I am a work in progress...




-Keep adventuring.







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