I have been on a rather intense non-stop pace of wanting to do many things all at once. Wanting to prepare myself the best I can for all the things when in truth, I will never be ready in the expectations that we see as "being ready".
For instance...
- I'm running a half marathon in June. I want to prepare and do the best I can for this event.
- I am in the midst of deep prayer about running my first half Ironman in September and feel like as long as I begin a training regimen that equally breaks down swimming, biking and running, I will be more that good to go.
- I'm becoming more involved in my church.
- We are getting married in May and we still have a lot of things to plan and communicate about. In my mind to get things done sooner than later is always better which at times brings me to think irrationally.
- I'm trying to communicate to friends and family about the wedding, life and everything coiciding with it.
I am coming to find that there aren't enough hours in the day to focus on all of these things in a quality manner that I feel each subject deserves.
The temptation of staying busy, active and up to date with life around me, I am realizing, is taking a toll on not only my mind but also my spirit. It's incredible how routine can often destroy us when we least expect it. The routine doesn't always begin instantly. It is a comfort that we don't even realize we seek.
It is having a chai and making another one because I want it and it's comforting to have a hot drink in my hand while I'm trying to concentrate. It can be grouchiness in a conversation because I'm used to going to bed at a certain time but clearly it was important to stay up and have that very important heart to heart with someone you love. It is often choosing to sit one day that turns into a week that can turn into months of couch surfing instead of going for a run or a walk or a bike ride. Routine quickly takes us over, it has the ability to lead us astray because it is predictable. Yet this is not how God created us to be. He created us to trust in Him not in the world of ill predicted weather and self ambition.
These things big or small can very much, slowly but steadily pull us away from the most important things. Trusting God, our relationship with God and the influence of God working in and through us.
"Lord, my Strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress, to you the nations will come from the end of the earth and say, "Our ancestors possessed nothing but false gods, worthless idols that did them no good.""-Jeremiah 16:19
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."- 2 Corinthians 12:9
This scripture stands true to how I (we) should be leaning towards and upon God. When we don't the personal strength that we have is quickly drained. It was never meant to sustain us anyway. Currently I am trying to declutter my mind of all the things that I feel like I need to do and simply bring my days back to God. Hand them back over and say, "Your desires, not mine". "prepare me for this day and this day alone and what you have planned for me not what I have planned for me".
I am a work in progress...
-Keep adventuring.
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