These Old Feeling Bones.

I have been unable to do something I love consistently for a while, running. I have been un able to do some thing I have loved consistently for a while, being active and getting into a good sweat. I had been praying through this concept for a while and thinking perhaps I was just so far out of shape that I hadn't remembered what true out of shape felt like. I had accepted this and was willing to begin from absolute scratch on running, stretching, ab work outs and nutrition.  However as the initial soreness of new work outs and body conditioning in the first couple of weeks passed I have noticed something abnormal. As I return from runs I found my back and hips have taken an extremely long time to recover. Even after a short 2 mile jog my back and hips feel absolutely wrecked. Even standing for long periods of time cause lower back pain that brings muscles continual seizing. Continually I have been struggling with this moderate thorn in my side bringing all of my thoughts back to the pain in my back every hour of every day. It is this thing that truly distracts me from joy, from focus, from hope. "It's still there".

This isn't something that should be happening, right?

Let me show you right where it is currently the worst. Mind you I have had dry needling done over a period of time, have gone through consistent physical therapy and have even had my stride and the way I run studied. Things had been progressing and things seemed fine... Yet this issue still arises... And it is noticeably getting worse.

Because of this I feel a bit of a spiral effect in my life and this is honestly where I am struggling with my faith currently. It is so easy to say that we should praise God through all circumstances... When I feel trapped in my own body because of not being able to push myself because I can't breathe, because of physical pain in my back and because of exhaustion even after sleeping FOREVER... I am stubborn in this not knowing why but just trusting God thing...

I know... I KNOW that I have done A LOT of things with my body in my short 29 years.

-I have fallen out of countless trees one of which in high school was very intense.
- I have thrown myself from many swings and fallen off many monkey bars.
-I have tried to escape my stroller and the result was knocking one of my front teeth out
-I have pretended to be a penguin on ice in my back yard with my brother and the result was knocking out my other front tooth
-I had tried running in Middle school and at the time I had been working with a diet of eating atleast a sleeve of oreos after school... So yeah that wasn't working.
- I have gone over the handle bars of many bikes
- I have done a lot of running
- I have ridden my bike across the country, twice.
- I have been in ski accidents and injuries.
- I have carried a lot of weight on my back from backpacking.
- I have put impact on my knees and hips from being in a harness for multiple years hanging in redwood trees, ziplining and belaying.
- I have slept comfortably on my stomach for years.


But even through all of these things... Not once to I regret any of these experiences. They have grown me. God has grown me through these things and it has been the call that God put on my heart. Especially the later events on the abbreviated list.

My point is that yes I see these things and yes ultimately I believe that there is reason for this. Discomfort is not my forte. Long term discomfort at least. But I know, I KNOW this too shall pass and that I should be praising Him regardless... But recently I have been finding it very hard to truly believe in the depths of my spirit and soul and to be OK with it...

At bible study last night we worshipped together and the song of choice was this song
Kristene DiMarco- Take Courage

I am trying... I am trying my hardest...


Prayers appreciated.




-Keep Adventuring.