Growth

The rain hit my nose today, crashing across the bridge, exploding five different directions. Breathing in the California Bay leaf air, I find myself distracted. I am extremely disoriented and thrown off my footing by my emotional instability. At times I must remind myself of where I am and what I am doing. How fickle my mind can be, creating a barrier and building a wall of what the past holds. And how unyielding those memories find a way to strengthen like weeds beneath a foundation creating weak points and finding ways through the cracks of my vulnerable being.

So I've been doing a lot of listening. To other people and to other things. To God. I've been taking in a lot of other things to somewhat distract myself from my own self to focus on better things. However I do realize that sooner or later I must deal with what has always been right in front of me.

Though I've had some frustrations happen this week, it is the things that connect to these other things, that is what frustrates me the most. I'd like to leave it all behind and yet it comes back to haunt me. stirring emotional attachment with severed limbs that have left parts of my heart numb.

A memory: A princess on her great knights shoulders, laughing while walking up the driveway. Light blue house on the right, garden on the left. The knight is stepping through a puddle from the afternoons summer showers and the sun is beginning to set with a breeze. Her little feet move while the knight has her safe in the palms of his hands on her little shins. Pink, orange and blue are the colors she sees above her little brunette head, wearing a single pink beret. A blue polo t-shirt with tan shorts sitting upon a short sleeved blue and white plaid button up with her hands upon her knights head. All while she laughs and twirls. feeling as safe as can be. feeling as free as can be.