These words have not materialized upon my tongue but I have put words into various compilations to create vile, godless statements and things that would thoughtfully make me feel better but would not make the world better. I have spent hours verbally telling myself to stop. To stop thinking. To stop analyzing, to stop the false predictions of my deceitful heart.
I try constantly to be one step ahead of the game but my rebukes create deeper holes and more wrongs than they do satisfaction and grace. In fact those last two items never exist rightfully or wholly or holy in anyway.
We are constantly seeking fruit. We are constantly seeking nothing but the reward or the good that we tend to numb ourselves out of the hard work and ships that shape us into who we have been created to be. Blaming symptoms of afluenza and other blinding, earthly, materialistic lifestyles.
YOLO.
Yes to living once. So how will we leave our marks? Can and will it be anything compared to the cross, the blood stained upon it or the nails and scars that signify grace and forgiveness? Will the marks be or love and humility of serving the Lord and not ones self?
I've been sitting in the cold now for a few longer periods and I have been finding more and more that these things that run through my head are things that have been suppressed and held back building in ammunition and false strength. Reflections of a past that can't be changed while looking at what doesn't even exist for tomorrow. Who does God want me to be? VS Who does this earth want me to be?
This road isn't easy nor is it meant to be victorious in social status or material wealth. Rather we are meant to be poor servants who are undeniably rich beyond words and worldly possessions. It doesn't mean we are going to walk without threat of destruction either. In fact, we walk right into point blank line of fire with in this war with what we seek.
So then why try and be God and predict what will happen? Why try to prevent by trying to plan ahead instead of simply asking for guidance and humbly accepting direction from the countless opportunities that He puts within your life on a daily basis. Whether it even be a child, there is reason behind it and it is crucial to seek these little moments because the biggest perspectives come from those little spaces in the time you spend to acknowledge them.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Times and Places.
How quickly our understanding of strength is distracted and false in what we find strength to even be. "I'm not running enough", I'm not lifting or climbing enough". How quickly the boxes we build to enclose ourselves turn into fortresses of negativity and self dysfunction.
From here, memories trigger like wildfire. Recollection of those who have said, "I could never". We build these walls high. We falsely connect dots thinking we've solved and figured ourselves out as we dig ourselves deeper and deeper into courage lacking sleepless nights regretting. "I'm too old", "My prime has passed and there's no way it would be possible". This is where my thought process and realization of how big God really is collide with self pity and self neglect.
This is where we loose ourselves the most and perhaps the gifts that have been blessed upon us have not been put to good use, but instead lays on a shelf collecting dust either partially open or not even unwrapped. Sitting there longing to be used. God has a plan for us. This is for certain.
And my current contemplation is whether we really can or can't do certain things. Maybe we can literally do anything we want but because of lack of Gods direction and blessing upon the focus, it creates do or don't. Example: Say I really wanted to become a bull fighter, a Matador. In Spain, with a red cape and a spiffy matador hat. If I really wanted it bad enough and that desire was deep with in me, chances are very good that I would find a way to make it happen. That is if it is Gods will for me. However, those aren't the passions instilled in me. In fact, I would be content simply running with the bulls. Not being the center of attention to one.
Do you see what I'm trying to exemplify? I have no desire to do that. God has not instilled that with in me because that is not the way in which He feels I can best serve Him. With the gifts He has given me. Same reason why I'm not a singer. If I had those desires deep with in me to pursue the tools and the energy would be provided.
Here comes a tricky part. What if we love many things but don't know what we're passionate about? Or perhaps we feel we are passionate about many things but feel discouraged in ways to make use and believe we can't? Why would God instill a passion in you if it wasn't for a purpose? The urgency of this matter is that we cannot determine our passions upon popularity, social class or judgement. That purpose has nothing to do with numbers of people effected but by the impact of what brings you alive to impact in the ways that God sees fit. Not by our selfish wants or "Think we needings".
I have been seeking clarity and I have also been seeing open doors that lead in the directions as I continue to feel out and determine what my true passions are. And upon being out in the crisp air of the Sierra National Forest, 5,000' higher than I have been in a while, I have been gaining perspective and seeing doors continue to open. It is clear to see that this is a direction God wants me to pursue. There is also fear in seeking into the future that can paralyze me in my own bed. Realizing that we are not meant to live in the future. That is why frustration of lack of clarity becomes all the more frustrating. But it is God urging and yearning for our trust that He will be there. Where as our fear comes from our lack of trust and our projection of what we think will happen. In that day dream, God is not present. Other wise the fear or anxiousness would not exist. Which is why we are, "Left in the fog with only a few steps to see ahead". With doors that continue to open and close, we have been given this moment right now to pursue passions. Right now are the moments that have been given.
So help me if you reply with, "I don't have time".
From here, memories trigger like wildfire. Recollection of those who have said, "I could never". We build these walls high. We falsely connect dots thinking we've solved and figured ourselves out as we dig ourselves deeper and deeper into courage lacking sleepless nights regretting. "I'm too old", "My prime has passed and there's no way it would be possible". This is where my thought process and realization of how big God really is collide with self pity and self neglect.
This is where we loose ourselves the most and perhaps the gifts that have been blessed upon us have not been put to good use, but instead lays on a shelf collecting dust either partially open or not even unwrapped. Sitting there longing to be used. God has a plan for us. This is for certain.
And my current contemplation is whether we really can or can't do certain things. Maybe we can literally do anything we want but because of lack of Gods direction and blessing upon the focus, it creates do or don't. Example: Say I really wanted to become a bull fighter, a Matador. In Spain, with a red cape and a spiffy matador hat. If I really wanted it bad enough and that desire was deep with in me, chances are very good that I would find a way to make it happen. That is if it is Gods will for me. However, those aren't the passions instilled in me. In fact, I would be content simply running with the bulls. Not being the center of attention to one.
Do you see what I'm trying to exemplify? I have no desire to do that. God has not instilled that with in me because that is not the way in which He feels I can best serve Him. With the gifts He has given me. Same reason why I'm not a singer. If I had those desires deep with in me to pursue the tools and the energy would be provided.
Here comes a tricky part. What if we love many things but don't know what we're passionate about? Or perhaps we feel we are passionate about many things but feel discouraged in ways to make use and believe we can't? Why would God instill a passion in you if it wasn't for a purpose? The urgency of this matter is that we cannot determine our passions upon popularity, social class or judgement. That purpose has nothing to do with numbers of people effected but by the impact of what brings you alive to impact in the ways that God sees fit. Not by our selfish wants or "Think we needings".
I have been seeking clarity and I have also been seeing open doors that lead in the directions as I continue to feel out and determine what my true passions are. And upon being out in the crisp air of the Sierra National Forest, 5,000' higher than I have been in a while, I have been gaining perspective and seeing doors continue to open. It is clear to see that this is a direction God wants me to pursue. There is also fear in seeking into the future that can paralyze me in my own bed. Realizing that we are not meant to live in the future. That is why frustration of lack of clarity becomes all the more frustrating. But it is God urging and yearning for our trust that He will be there. Where as our fear comes from our lack of trust and our projection of what we think will happen. In that day dream, God is not present. Other wise the fear or anxiousness would not exist. Which is why we are, "Left in the fog with only a few steps to see ahead". With doors that continue to open and close, we have been given this moment right now to pursue passions. Right now are the moments that have been given.
So help me if you reply with, "I don't have time".
Sunday, November 17, 2013
It's not just about Turkeys
Ever wish you could "uncomplicate", discombobulate and
throw away clutter that seems to have complicated far too much in your life?
Things that make it way more complicated than I ever would have wanted to.
Honestly, who really intends to complicate their lives saying, "This will
cause chaos, perfect". No often times we think the opposite. We conjure up
and discover remedies for the chaos that rises with earthly living. Becoming
weighed down with school loans, bills, rent and investments. We find better
ways to communicate more quickly and more efficiently with smart phones, Cars,
tablets and computers. More and more these ways to connect us, in a way,
disconnect us from each other.
As I was sitting in my living room pulling
together financial applications for overwhelming student loans, I was staring
at papers in front of my computer screen. In a numb state I looked up and
realized my screen saver was on. There were pictures coming and going,
different parts of my life. College, countless seasons in California, South
Africa and bike rides. I sat back and watched. From where I was to where God
brought me up to this very day. As I sat there I couldn't help but smirk. This
is where God has brought me. And with Him I can only guarantee that He will
bring me even higher.
Suddenly I sat there and was thankful, thankful
for struggles, hardship and setbacks. Every single thing has brought me to
where I am. From that living room, thanksgiving flowed, being reminded of those
who were also in those pictures sharing in sacrifice, need and growth. One of
the hardest things that we can face individually and as a community is the task
of thanksgiving. It is harder to be thankful in times of hardship or trial, but
even more so I have been trying to be more thankful not only in the hard
but also in the good blessed things.
Recently I read a book that I would highly
recommend to anyone, "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. Her writing
has caused many walls to fall within my heart and new perspective gained on the
true presence of God daily. Thanksgiving has helped to refocus my eyes with the
divine surprise of His glory, stealing our breath in these Redwood trees, words
from a coworker that were really needed. Or even student loan forgiveness
applications. It is all a part of where I am right now. And for all of it, I am
thankful.
I pray that each of you would take a moment or several to sit back
and take a look at the reel of your past and reflect upon Gods seeking for you.
That you are hoping for tomorrow while living presently in today. Thanking our
Heavenly Father for where we are, who we are and what He's been doing to
continue the process and path within us and around us. I have heard in the past
that the most powerful weapon is praise and thanksgiving. What are you thankful
for?
Give thanks in
all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Maps
I feel like between the ages of 24 and 27 there is this stereotypical understanding or thought process that all the sudden we feel like we are passing our prime and that we should have had an established lifestyle by now. That I should have everything figured out and be stable with almost being 30. You look at those who are older than you and who were the age you are now and you wonder why you don't seem to have it as together as you thought they did when you were younger and they were older... The truth is that perhaps you have it more together than those who you thought had it together back when you thought they had it together.
Did I just confuse you terribly? If I haven't well at least someones following because I am so completely lost in who America and this culture wants me to be sometimes that I can't even handle looking in the mirror some mornings. And with that, I'm still lost. I'm still worried and I feel like no matter what I do I just can't get ahead. I just can't seem to bring things full circle or have 100% confidence in something when I should have complete faith in my God. How could I doubt knowing someone who knows the very map system of my veins and what makes me move?
There is still so much to learn and I am overwhelmed by His majesty and also by my failures. Our plans are minuscule and dull compared to what He has planned so why can't we just let go and follow the best way we know how. Moving and learning in the now? Instead of worrying what we don't know about...
So what now?
Did I just confuse you terribly? If I haven't well at least someones following because I am so completely lost in who America and this culture wants me to be sometimes that I can't even handle looking in the mirror some mornings. And with that, I'm still lost. I'm still worried and I feel like no matter what I do I just can't get ahead. I just can't seem to bring things full circle or have 100% confidence in something when I should have complete faith in my God. How could I doubt knowing someone who knows the very map system of my veins and what makes me move?
There is still so much to learn and I am overwhelmed by His majesty and also by my failures. Our plans are minuscule and dull compared to what He has planned so why can't we just let go and follow the best way we know how. Moving and learning in the now? Instead of worrying what we don't know about...
So what now?
Friday, October 11, 2013
Landslide
I sit on this cliff side. This secret place of meaning. These physical places that bring back such fond reminders of Gods blessings in the seasons that have passed. We call then rare. Yet I am finding these blessings more common as I open my eyes to focus on where God has brought me. I sit on this cliff side looking out at a view that doesn't get old. Instead, the arms of creation swallow me up bringing my full attention to my glorious God. As I walked the path, I notice the differences and the continued life cycle of this forest. How even with living things all around, there is still death that takes place in order for life and growth to continue.
I have had many awakenings here. I have had many break downs. Pleading and rejoicing with Him in this place. This place was once someone elses place and perhaps it is a place to others. And there will be others after me. For now, it is nice to be in this moment and know that today, God called me out here. To the familiar disconnection from what this world is to the truths of His loud presence on mountain tops. It is just the same in the valleys below.
Simple things of wonder strike me. "Why trees in these spots and not in those spots? Why those three trees be the tallest and no one else? Why am I looking at these things and what am I gaining from it?" He helps us by giving the water that flows to nourish and erode away the parts that aren't necessary and needing disposal. Creating weaknesses in our foundations, we fall as we slide to a stop at the base of it all... The beginning, The Creator. The process continues as the foundation becomes stronger causing the forms of us to change. And paths to climb become more distinct.
Naturally we are surprised by recognizing the changes we see. Yet realize that the changes are constant. Creating both new and reminding of old lessons. Putting into practice what we have learned.
"All things will change.
We wait for the rain
And His promise remains".
Why is it that there are seasons in our lives where we feel more wise and understanding of what God is teaching us while in other seasons we struggle to remember and live by the things we have learned and preached to others?
I have had many awakenings here. I have had many break downs. Pleading and rejoicing with Him in this place. This place was once someone elses place and perhaps it is a place to others. And there will be others after me. For now, it is nice to be in this moment and know that today, God called me out here. To the familiar disconnection from what this world is to the truths of His loud presence on mountain tops. It is just the same in the valleys below.
Simple things of wonder strike me. "Why trees in these spots and not in those spots? Why those three trees be the tallest and no one else? Why am I looking at these things and what am I gaining from it?" He helps us by giving the water that flows to nourish and erode away the parts that aren't necessary and needing disposal. Creating weaknesses in our foundations, we fall as we slide to a stop at the base of it all... The beginning, The Creator. The process continues as the foundation becomes stronger causing the forms of us to change. And paths to climb become more distinct.
Naturally we are surprised by recognizing the changes we see. Yet realize that the changes are constant. Creating both new and reminding of old lessons. Putting into practice what we have learned.
"All things will change.
We wait for the rain
And His promise remains".
Why is it that there are seasons in our lives where we feel more wise and understanding of what God is teaching us while in other seasons we struggle to remember and live by the things we have learned and preached to others?
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
That Time When...
There have been many times in my life when I have said I have surrendered my plans and replaced them with Gods. I have been sitting in my own sweat with sore arms from trying to tweak His plans and make them more like mine. I have strained my ears to the point of perhaps pulling a muscle and going mad with the end results and outcomes of my plans gone sour. And His plans taking shape while I look the other direction trying to find my way out of this. Thinking that my plans and ideas are really where I should be and what I should be doing. Giving the cop out answer of, "God told me to do this".
I have asked Him to take things out of my life... He makes them remain.
I have begged God to take things out of my heart... He makes them remain.
I have asked God to prepare me for what is next... He continues these works with in me.
I ask God for direction and a way out... He leads me right back to where He needs me.
I praise God for where He's brought me... He keeps blessing me with joy and hardships.
I have been seeing more and more as of late that I am looking to get somewhere that doesn't exist. Not yet at least. He is still building it with in me. Preparing other places and other faces for who needs to be there and when.
There is one thing I am certain of. God has me content with continually seeking the path He has me on. I am eager to know what's around the next bend. and for the first time ever I am content with knowing and not knowing who will be around that corner. I know that either way it will be hard. and it will also be beautiful.
There are some moments in your life that you look forward to. Things that you never really think would ever happen to you but then when they happen you sort of sit back and you listen. You sit there and you look at these memories being embedded onto the landscapes of your heart while thinking, "So this is what it feels like". To be loved. To acknowledge the love that is rushing through you. His passion in which He instills in you. The patience He instills in you when you would have thought these trials would drive you mad. But yet you are calm and you fully trust in these things. Through the fog, I continue to step forward trusting the steady ground God places each toe upon.
I will not allow myself to blame God for my cop outs. For trying to get gone when clearly He has something bigger in mind.
Bigger things than moving across the country. Bigger than traveling across bodies of water with hours upon hours of time difference... Something bigger than cycling across an entire country...Twice.
So in the midst of the unfolding and unveiling. I will try my hardest to obey and be patient. Because there will not be a specific moment that it all meshes. It will continue to blend like today and yesterday and the day before. Creating beautiful texture and color to these otherwise dull personal goals and plans we have for ourselves.
The first thing we need to do is trust and truly let go of our control. Like tying a knot in a tight rope while the tension is being pulled. This is the way I see us trying to control our own lives when it would be easier to just simply walk blindfolded across with God as our witness and balance. steadying our feet and hearts every step of the way.
When will you take that step out onto the wire?
-Keep Adventuring
I have asked Him to take things out of my life... He makes them remain.
I have begged God to take things out of my heart... He makes them remain.
I have asked God to prepare me for what is next... He continues these works with in me.
I ask God for direction and a way out... He leads me right back to where He needs me.
I praise God for where He's brought me... He keeps blessing me with joy and hardships.
I have been seeing more and more as of late that I am looking to get somewhere that doesn't exist. Not yet at least. He is still building it with in me. Preparing other places and other faces for who needs to be there and when.
There are some moments in your life that you look forward to. Things that you never really think would ever happen to you but then when they happen you sort of sit back and you listen. You sit there and you look at these memories being embedded onto the landscapes of your heart while thinking, "So this is what it feels like". To be loved. To acknowledge the love that is rushing through you. His passion in which He instills in you. The patience He instills in you when you would have thought these trials would drive you mad. But yet you are calm and you fully trust in these things. Through the fog, I continue to step forward trusting the steady ground God places each toe upon.
I will not allow myself to blame God for my cop outs. For trying to get gone when clearly He has something bigger in mind.
Bigger things than moving across the country. Bigger than traveling across bodies of water with hours upon hours of time difference... Something bigger than cycling across an entire country...Twice.
So in the midst of the unfolding and unveiling. I will try my hardest to obey and be patient. Because there will not be a specific moment that it all meshes. It will continue to blend like today and yesterday and the day before. Creating beautiful texture and color to these otherwise dull personal goals and plans we have for ourselves.
The first thing we need to do is trust and truly let go of our control. Like tying a knot in a tight rope while the tension is being pulled. This is the way I see us trying to control our own lives when it would be easier to just simply walk blindfolded across with God as our witness and balance. steadying our feet and hearts every step of the way.
When will you take that step out onto the wire?
-Keep Adventuring
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Priceless Commodities
Advisory:
My thoughts are scrambled and processing through the layers of emotion and realities of what has happened over the last 9 weeks may or may not drive you mad.
As of late I have wondered greatly where my head is when I look back on the conditions and positions I have ridden through, climbed up and held on through the whipping wind.
Blood, sweat and tears build this life and those who have entered and exited through it mixing into the foundation.
4 months processing my first tour along with processing another side of the world in South Africa. 6 months in preparation. 9 weeks on the road. 2 months playing those plans out while seeing both pieces and chunks thrown out the window as this tour and the vision of it is shaped into how it truly needs to be. Teaching and stretching way more than we ever could have thought.
I went into this ride with knowledge of how previous tours have gone. What went well and what could be changed. Working with those who were in the same brand shoe as me, introducing many others to what we in our minds felt the definition of sacrifice touched upon. Biblical justice and how we could relate it to our "comfortable lives".
Leaders succeed and fail. I learned grace through both this summer and I am grateful for the experience. I was able to step back and see parts of me from last summer in others and how teammates stripped layers of their old selves shedding light upon who God is growing them into.
I have seen the way God hardens and softens hearts. And no matter how godly we may feel, how much Satan still tries to toy and bring judgement out of us. How through the blood,sweat and tears of the heat, headwind and climbs no matter what you do you simply cannot satisfy every single human being.
But at the end of the day I was always still breathless. His presence stealing the air from my lungs and taking the entirety of my attention span on a daily basis with in these views. With in these climbs and vastness into coulee city, WA and the same goes for that unbelievable downhill into white sulpher springs, MT.
Sitting down to see a magnificently painted sunset in Chambersburg, PA while remembering the mountains that have been moved and courage gained as we spoke of our experiences of the day. We conquered the Appalachian mountains to the top of Tuscarora Summit that day.
And for the faces and celebration in that I am so thankful.
Not to mention a stuffed Dino that was discovered before ending the day with free chipotle, donated to us in Chambersburg, PA.
Exhaustion can be understated but as I have mentioned in past entries we must keep running the race:
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but [only] one receives the prize? So run [your race] that you may lay hold [of the prize] and make it yours." (1 Corinthians 9:24 AMP)
Hebrews says:
"Such a large crowd of witnesses is all around us! So we must get rid of everything that slows us down, especially the sin that just won't let go. And we must be determined to run the race that is ahead of us." (Hebrews 12:1 CEVUS06)
Matthew 11:28-29 “…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
So in every sense of the word I have for sure been seeking rest and resting my bones. The day after I was dropped off in Scranton unexpectedly (Gods got it figured out what is needed) and I ended up sleeping for 19 of the 24 hours the day after I got home.
Decompression is a process and in these times I feel extremely restless but there is also a must to allow the time of transition into other seasons. Allowing opportunity for further maturing and understanding or building of faith to trust the lack of understanding for where Gods bringing me next.
The impacts of all of this has gone further than we can see on many levels. If I'm honest I don't know what the next step is. I've never known. There are impacts that have been made that can be completely opposite from what we had thought.
We must be patient in these transitions and remember that for sure God is faithful.
I'm waking up
I feel it in my bones ...
But how do we translate these things? I have always been someone fully devoted to living right in where God has me. I disconnect from other places to bring my full attention to where I am. Practically falling off the face of the earth. Feeling somewhat neglectful to others.
I can feel that most recently I have been seeing bits of myself from a far. I have been seeing the ways in which I have grown through the growing pains and outbursts of learning my emotions again. I have been seeing this fiery passion that I see so plainly as black in white begin to fade to gray. But it is not completely blurred. I see. I respect others opinions and have gained more control over what I feel I have been loaded with fire in the past. For instance a conversation with
My brother. Neither of us are wrong in conversing. We have different views of what we feel is right, logical and worthy of our time and efforts.
Opinions of lazy woods living VS pointless materialistic living in a city.
Each of these things help to bring better perspective of how each of us have been created for different reasons. I'm sure thi probably seems like rambles. But I am trying to slow down the chewing and mauling I have been doing to try and swallow the realities of what I do and do not understand. And how I ,as always, need to be ok with that.
Not everyone wants what I want. And I must continue to break down the walls that I build to put myself on the outside of what I feel is and isn't worthy or considerate or logical.
Nut shell cracked:
Tour was amazing. This summer and getting to see some of the same faces and places blessed me tremendously. Along with meeting new faces. Again, pushing these bodies to the brink of what God called us to do this summer.
Along with the experience we raised funds and awareness. Last year we sent 272,000 emergency meals to care point on the Burma/Thailand border. We made a goal to send 1.5 million this year but have already exceeded that and are in the midst of collaborating to raise the number to 1.8 million.
We are trying hard to get as many meals over as possible swing that Venture is one of the only nonprofit based organizations that has been granted a 3year contract to use the port in Thailand as much as we would like. Bringing on more partner opportunities to get more supplies and help to the refugees as possible.
$1=10 meals
It's amazing what is possible with moving legs and hearts that are willing to surrender and go forth to the call of God. Being obedient in what He calls in "inadequate" vessels to do to build upon His kingdom.
I can't thank you enough for your continued support and prayers. You know who you are and those who I have met along the way, I am grateful for you. Keeps checking in for the ripple effects of what's happening in weeks to come.
Don't forget to check out the next adventurous effort I'm apart of here : Shasta
- Keep adventuring.
My thoughts are scrambled and processing through the layers of emotion and realities of what has happened over the last 9 weeks may or may not drive you mad.
As of late I have wondered greatly where my head is when I look back on the conditions and positions I have ridden through, climbed up and held on through the whipping wind.
 |
I went into this ride with knowledge of how previous tours have gone. What went well and what could be changed. Working with those who were in the same brand shoe as me, introducing many others to what we in our minds felt the definition of sacrifice touched upon. Biblical justice and how we could relate it to our "comfortable lives".
Leaders succeed and fail. I learned grace through both this summer and I am grateful for the experience. I was able to step back and see parts of me from last summer in others and how teammates stripped layers of their old selves shedding light upon who God is growing them into.
But at the end of the day I was always still breathless. His presence stealing the air from my lungs and taking the entirety of my attention span on a daily basis with in these views. With in these climbs and vastness into coulee city, WA and the same goes for that unbelievable downhill into white sulpher springs, MT.
 |
| White Sulpher Springs, MT |
And for the faces and celebration in that I am so thankful.
 |
| Tuscarora Summit |
Not to mention a stuffed Dino that was discovered before ending the day with free chipotle, donated to us in Chambersburg, PA.
Exhaustion can be understated but as I have mentioned in past entries we must keep running the race:
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but [only] one receives the prize? So run [your race] that you may lay hold [of the prize] and make it yours." (1 Corinthians 9:24 AMP)
Hebrews says:
 |
| Across America Tour 2013 |
Matthew 11:28-29 “…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
So in every sense of the word I have for sure been seeking rest and resting my bones. The day after I was dropped off in Scranton unexpectedly (Gods got it figured out what is needed) and I ended up sleeping for 19 of the 24 hours the day after I got home.
The impacts of all of this has gone further than we can see on many levels. If I'm honest I don't know what the next step is. I've never known. There are impacts that have been made that can be completely opposite from what we had thought.
We must be patient in these transitions and remember that for sure God is faithful.
I'm waking up
I feel it in my bones ...
But how do we translate these things? I have always been someone fully devoted to living right in where God has me. I disconnect from other places to bring my full attention to where I am. Practically falling off the face of the earth. Feeling somewhat neglectful to others.
 |
| Across America Tour 2013 |
My brother. Neither of us are wrong in conversing. We have different views of what we feel is right, logical and worthy of our time and efforts.
Opinions of lazy woods living VS pointless materialistic living in a city.
Each of these things help to bring better perspective of how each of us have been created for different reasons. I'm sure thi probably seems like rambles. But I am trying to slow down the chewing and mauling I have been doing to try and swallow the realities of what I do and do not understand. And how I ,as always, need to be ok with that.
Not everyone wants what I want. And I must continue to break down the walls that I build to put myself on the outside of what I feel is and isn't worthy or considerate or logical.
Nut shell cracked:
Tour was amazing. This summer and getting to see some of the same faces and places blessed me tremendously. Along with meeting new faces. Again, pushing these bodies to the brink of what God called us to do this summer.
 |
| Across America Tour 2013 |
We are trying hard to get as many meals over as possible swing that Venture is one of the only nonprofit based organizations that has been granted a 3year contract to use the port in Thailand as much as we would like. Bringing on more partner opportunities to get more supplies and help to the refugees as possible.
$1=10 meals
It's amazing what is possible with moving legs and hearts that are willing to surrender and go forth to the call of God. Being obedient in what He calls in "inadequate" vessels to do to build upon His kingdom.
I can't thank you enough for your continued support and prayers. You know who you are and those who I have met along the way, I am grateful for you. Keeps checking in for the ripple effects of what's happening in weeks to come.
Don't forget to check out the next adventurous effort I'm apart of here : Shasta
- Keep adventuring.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Branches In Pavement Cracks
In this life and on these journeys I have found that as the grips of this world begin to harden around me, those that The Lord puts in my life and in the trials and expeditions, He calls me forth on, He continues to grow me even in the most suffocating of seasons. He grows me up through the ruble and brings color and contrast to the dark and broken parts.
And even in the darkest of times there is patience and triumph as we wait for the pavement to crack and grow up through struggle of scratching the surface. I learned a while ago that God pushes me to be uncomfortable. He grows my comfort zones so that I grow more into the person He has called upon me to be. I could choose to ignore it and avoid it or I could answer, obey, embrace and pursue the truth of the expectations that God has for me because He created me with these things in mind.
Some are drawn to certain parts of the world. Certain cultures or struggles. I feel it is crucial to mix these passions in certain settings of adventure based ministry. To be pushed out of our shells. Working with personal and physical reaction and sacrifice. I am called out to be made uncomfortable at times because I learn and grow from things that are not of the norm. I in return am forced to sit, dwell and learn more about myself, my focus and Gods provision and lessons for me.
When I am stripped of comforts I am made raw and therefore lean on The Lord all the more. Not people (I have found that the battle with myself is constant). I am stripped, an open wound mending. In these moments, these treks surrounded by His creation and things that lurk with in it bring me perspective.
I could ride 90 miles on my bicycle and come around a bend, see a wall of a hill and call the van to come back and pick me up to bring me over this "wall". OR I could complain for 7 seconds (because I'm human) about the realities of how I feel then look at that wall again and say, "OK".
I'm certainly not climbing these mountains for self enjoyment. I don't climb these mountains because my heart is into one part of the world than another or one specific cause. I climb because I know that each pedal stroke delivers hope. I climb and battle head wind and dance for joy at state lines because God is using me as a tool to build His kingdom. Either for our neighbors in Southeast Asia or my teammate struggling on a 103 mile ride next to me. These missions grow people. The physical and mental sacrifice of our bodies and time open eyes everywhere we go and Gods timing for those who we meet in towns we pass are equally inspiring and encouraging. That brings a ripple effect to this life that helps lead us down the narrow path.
Ministry is dead unless the leaders are growing too. These experiences and treks strip us of what the world layers us with. Opens eyes, sheds light and teaches us directions that should be taken or avoided. Leaders are never the best they can be at any point in their walk. There is no finish line crossed while we are still here. We learn to finish strong no matter what until we are called home.
My passion is to help and encourage anyway that I can. The majority of these ways is through my body. Through biking, hiking and showing creation to others. Being stripped by the elements of this earth, lessons of this life: put in the example, the possibilities are endless.
So when this cross country tour finishes, the tour that I thought was a once in a life time opportunity that happened twice, I will be embracing with yet another community that needs help.
The community of Adventure Leadership International (ALI) an organization that ministers to leaders to help them grow so that their own communities may grow and be strengthened. They provide training and deciple opportunities that help with glorifying God in His creation in the midst of physical sacrifice and self awakening for participants that partake.
Andrew Underwood, the founder of this organization and an amazing brother, has been working hard in getting these trainings rolling in the states for leaders in Ecuador and has plans in the making to begin leadership training this Fall.
In the midst of all of this in order for anything to be fruitful, seed must be spread, nurtured and tended to. With this on mind, Andrew, myself and a team will be summiting Mt. Shasta in .... California on August 24th along with many other teams who will be summiting 54 mountains in Colorado that are fourteen thousand feet. ALI will be teaming up with the organization that helps to make these opportunities possible. the project is called Project 54. Through this project, funding and awareness can be raised to help provide leadership training for ministries all over the world.
Self sacrifice. Time, physical and mental. These are tangible things that when pushed and stretched can create new perspective mixed with white flags. Allowing God to fight our battles knowing He will protect us and prosper. We learn, grow and teach. There for it spreads more seed and the process continues. We are tilling the earth with His love and mighty truth.
We have all been called upon to peruse different things. Instilled with different passions.
What's in you?
If you would like to find out more information about Andrews mission and what ALI is all about please visit ALI "Blazing the trail"
And to see our team for Mt. Shasta's progress or to donate please visit: ALI Mt. Shasta team
Keep Adventuring
And even in the darkest of times there is patience and triumph as we wait for the pavement to crack and grow up through struggle of scratching the surface. I learned a while ago that God pushes me to be uncomfortable. He grows my comfort zones so that I grow more into the person He has called upon me to be. I could choose to ignore it and avoid it or I could answer, obey, embrace and pursue the truth of the expectations that God has for me because He created me with these things in mind.
Some are drawn to certain parts of the world. Certain cultures or struggles. I feel it is crucial to mix these passions in certain settings of adventure based ministry. To be pushed out of our shells. Working with personal and physical reaction and sacrifice. I am called out to be made uncomfortable at times because I learn and grow from things that are not of the norm. I in return am forced to sit, dwell and learn more about myself, my focus and Gods provision and lessons for me.
When I am stripped of comforts I am made raw and therefore lean on The Lord all the more. Not people (I have found that the battle with myself is constant). I am stripped, an open wound mending. In these moments, these treks surrounded by His creation and things that lurk with in it bring me perspective.
I could ride 90 miles on my bicycle and come around a bend, see a wall of a hill and call the van to come back and pick me up to bring me over this "wall". OR I could complain for 7 seconds (because I'm human) about the realities of how I feel then look at that wall again and say, "OK".
I'm certainly not climbing these mountains for self enjoyment. I don't climb these mountains because my heart is into one part of the world than another or one specific cause. I climb because I know that each pedal stroke delivers hope. I climb and battle head wind and dance for joy at state lines because God is using me as a tool to build His kingdom. Either for our neighbors in Southeast Asia or my teammate struggling on a 103 mile ride next to me. These missions grow people. The physical and mental sacrifice of our bodies and time open eyes everywhere we go and Gods timing for those who we meet in towns we pass are equally inspiring and encouraging. That brings a ripple effect to this life that helps lead us down the narrow path.
Ministry is dead unless the leaders are growing too. These experiences and treks strip us of what the world layers us with. Opens eyes, sheds light and teaches us directions that should be taken or avoided. Leaders are never the best they can be at any point in their walk. There is no finish line crossed while we are still here. We learn to finish strong no matter what until we are called home.
My passion is to help and encourage anyway that I can. The majority of these ways is through my body. Through biking, hiking and showing creation to others. Being stripped by the elements of this earth, lessons of this life: put in the example, the possibilities are endless.
So when this cross country tour finishes, the tour that I thought was a once in a life time opportunity that happened twice, I will be embracing with yet another community that needs help.
The community of Adventure Leadership International (ALI) an organization that ministers to leaders to help them grow so that their own communities may grow and be strengthened. They provide training and deciple opportunities that help with glorifying God in His creation in the midst of physical sacrifice and self awakening for participants that partake.
Andrew Underwood, the founder of this organization and an amazing brother, has been working hard in getting these trainings rolling in the states for leaders in Ecuador and has plans in the making to begin leadership training this Fall.
In the midst of all of this in order for anything to be fruitful, seed must be spread, nurtured and tended to. With this on mind, Andrew, myself and a team will be summiting Mt. Shasta in .... California on August 24th along with many other teams who will be summiting 54 mountains in Colorado that are fourteen thousand feet. ALI will be teaming up with the organization that helps to make these opportunities possible. the project is called Project 54. Through this project, funding and awareness can be raised to help provide leadership training for ministries all over the world.
Self sacrifice. Time, physical and mental. These are tangible things that when pushed and stretched can create new perspective mixed with white flags. Allowing God to fight our battles knowing He will protect us and prosper. We learn, grow and teach. There for it spreads more seed and the process continues. We are tilling the earth with His love and mighty truth.
We have all been called upon to peruse different things. Instilled with different passions.
What's in you?
If you would like to find out more information about Andrews mission and what ALI is all about please visit ALI "Blazing the trail"
And to see our team for Mt. Shasta's progress or to donate please visit: ALI Mt. Shasta team
Keep Adventuring
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Steady Feet
I'm sitting in one of a million Starbucks found in side of a slice of cultural fruit that seems to swarm with hustle and bustle of different direction and destination.
Important meeting and catching
Up. There are parts of me that wonder if I will randomly run into someone I know simply because Gods got humor like that.
But now I am "home" a place I have somehow been so homesick for in the past and now feel so relived to be back and taking rest to a whole new level...
I have not been scarred into silence. I have been weened and seasoned into listening more and speaking less. Reflecting these layers of senses and emotion.
Sinking into these comforts that are my feet on crooked sidewalks from roots of trees reclaiming ground while the smell of coal lingers in this electric city. I see lights but am hesitant to step into it. Fearful that this step will cause me to sink deep into what I had thought this place always was. A black hole of despair.
But no. God has shown me a new light to this. I don't know how it will work out. Possessions are worthless with the surpassing of know Christ Jesus my Lord. I consider it ALL rubbish.
I will not let scars define me. Nor will I let echoes of Satan discourage and make me believe that I am unworthy of these adventures. That I am not good at adventuring. That this all will end if I leave the majestic woods.
If I travel back to where I once was, how it will be nothing but mediocracy and monotony. But these things, through them, we must be diligent in seeking them through and through. To rediscover adventure at its finest, the unknown.
- Keep adventuring.
Important meeting and catching
Up. There are parts of me that wonder if I will randomly run into someone I know simply because Gods got humor like that.
But now I am "home" a place I have somehow been so homesick for in the past and now feel so relived to be back and taking rest to a whole new level...
I have not been scarred into silence. I have been weened and seasoned into listening more and speaking less. Reflecting these layers of senses and emotion.
Sinking into these comforts that are my feet on crooked sidewalks from roots of trees reclaiming ground while the smell of coal lingers in this electric city. I see lights but am hesitant to step into it. Fearful that this step will cause me to sink deep into what I had thought this place always was. A black hole of despair.
But no. God has shown me a new light to this. I don't know how it will work out. Possessions are worthless with the surpassing of know Christ Jesus my Lord. I consider it ALL rubbish.
I will not let scars define me. Nor will I let echoes of Satan discourage and make me believe that I am unworthy of these adventures. That I am not good at adventuring. That this all will end if I leave the majestic woods.
If I travel back to where I once was, how it will be nothing but mediocracy and monotony. But these things, through them, we must be diligent in seeking them through and through. To rediscover adventure at its finest, the unknown.
- Keep adventuring.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Right Here Right Now
I don't know if I've been doing everything right. Nothing ever goes according to plan. But when hearts are in the right place and intentions are seen it can sometimes lead to beautiful disasters that teach us so much more. They show us the beauty and hope and trusting in our amazing God. Perhaps what the enemy tries to succeed in ruining. Even through the times of doubt, His loves prevails, comforts and brings new perspective and hope.
I have been inspired by how God has been working in all of these hours in the days while we have been crossing pavement seas that rage, bump and whip at our team. Time has caused our heads to go astray at times and our hearts to be deceived. But oh how He brings our attention back and breaks us instantly.
It began early on with Brittany. She gained severe numbness and pain in her right arm. And then it moved in through Katie on the 4th of July when she fell and broke her elbow cruising into the half way point of Minneapolis. There was realness in these things but not sure of reaction.
God continued to rock us hard with the further understandings of our own egos. And broke us in half as we saw Jeff's dreams broken like his collar bone.
Google.com says:
struggle:
Noun
A forceful or violent effort to get free of restraint or resist attack.
verb. fight - wrestle - strive - combat - contend - battle
truth:
Synonyms
sooth - verity - reality - fact - veracity - fidelity
Growth:
The process of developing or maturing physically, mentally, or spiritually.
Synonyms
development - increase - increment - accretion - rise
Blinks of eyes. Moving on to the next thing and then I'm thrown to the ground again in this raging sea of pavement. Arm torn up and frazzled yet grateful for an opportunity to be blessed with yet another ministry tool. A scar where there are hopes to rip open others heart scars.
I was riding behind Sara. We had been alert all morning getting out of Philly to make our way onto the 11th state of tour, New Jersey . We made it there. And with in 2 miles of being back on the road in jersey after a break, we were on a highway. There was an on ramp on our right and 2 lanes on our left. A very fast car and my lack of trust in Sara that she saw the fast car. She had already slowed down and by the time I turned my head back to tell her fast car back, our wheels collided and I went in for the dive. 22miles per hour. Skid marks and a phone went flying.
I felt God in it. I felt Him brace my body for impact and felt Him hoist me up right quickly, sharp and aware. With blood on my handle bars and a ripped hippo that took the blunt of the situation, I cleaned myself up and got bandaged.
Moving forward. We spent the next day resting and eating on boats. Blessed in good company we are beginning to look like people from where God currently has us again. But yet we all look somewhat a like even without the spandex.
We are shuttling to the bridge and then we are unloading and riding across the destination we have said we would be arriving to at the end. Knowing where we had departed from but finding it unreal to say New York City.
It will hit us harder, I feel, when the waves crash upon us. Salt on skin and staring at each other waist deep in the vastness of His presence.
God has done it, again.
What will He do next?
-Keep Adventuring
I have been inspired by how God has been working in all of these hours in the days while we have been crossing pavement seas that rage, bump and whip at our team. Time has caused our heads to go astray at times and our hearts to be deceived. But oh how He brings our attention back and breaks us instantly.
It began early on with Brittany. She gained severe numbness and pain in her right arm. And then it moved in through Katie on the 4th of July when she fell and broke her elbow cruising into the half way point of Minneapolis. There was realness in these things but not sure of reaction.
God continued to rock us hard with the further understandings of our own egos. And broke us in half as we saw Jeff's dreams broken like his collar bone.
Google.com says:
struggle:
Noun
A forceful or violent effort to get free of restraint or resist attack.
verb. fight - wrestle - strive - combat - contend - battle
truth:
Synonyms
sooth - verity - reality - fact - veracity - fidelity
Growth:
The process of developing or maturing physically, mentally, or spiritually.
Synonyms
development - increase - increment - accretion - rise
Blinks of eyes. Moving on to the next thing and then I'm thrown to the ground again in this raging sea of pavement. Arm torn up and frazzled yet grateful for an opportunity to be blessed with yet another ministry tool. A scar where there are hopes to rip open others heart scars.
I was riding behind Sara. We had been alert all morning getting out of Philly to make our way onto the 11th state of tour, New Jersey . We made it there. And with in 2 miles of being back on the road in jersey after a break, we were on a highway. There was an on ramp on our right and 2 lanes on our left. A very fast car and my lack of trust in Sara that she saw the fast car. She had already slowed down and by the time I turned my head back to tell her fast car back, our wheels collided and I went in for the dive. 22miles per hour. Skid marks and a phone went flying.
I felt God in it. I felt Him brace my body for impact and felt Him hoist me up right quickly, sharp and aware. With blood on my handle bars and a ripped hippo that took the blunt of the situation, I cleaned myself up and got bandaged.
Moving forward. We spent the next day resting and eating on boats. Blessed in good company we are beginning to look like people from where God currently has us again. But yet we all look somewhat a like even without the spandex.
We are shuttling to the bridge and then we are unloading and riding across the destination we have said we would be arriving to at the end. Knowing where we had departed from but finding it unreal to say New York City.
It will hit us harder, I feel, when the waves crash upon us. Salt on skin and staring at each other waist deep in the vastness of His presence.
God has done it, again.
What will He do next?
-Keep Adventuring
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Head Wind.
I remember this one time in Minneapolis, my friend Connor joked and said that Jesus was like a cotton t-shirt for sunglasses. It's the only thing that can really clean them.To make things more clear and to look around rather than ahead. Trusting that whatever comes down the road, even though you can't see it.
Now that I'm thinking about it I'm thinking about it, Jesus is a lot like the biker at the head of a drafting line. He takes the blunt force of the terrible daunting head wind that drains us until we feel like we'll wreck. Feeling as if we aren't moving, The Lord takes the lead and let's us fall back into the air stream so that you feel as though you are being pulled through the grudging miles. Giving you rest so that you may continue to move forward and gain higher ground.
It's only day 5 and I feel this team has already begun to be revived while being drained of every last ounce. The Lord has truly blessed this team with those He needed to be here to build and to grow each of us the way in which we need to be stretched, pushed and grown to serve Him and one another better.We have cycled well over 300 miles thus far and we enter into Idaho tomorrow.
It is strange because I feel like two worlds are colliding but it's quite nice. For the first time I am experiencing physically riding down memory lane. Taking photographs where I once stood a year ago with entirely different people. Never having something cross my mind like being at that very spot again, a year later... With really short hair to top it.
Seeing familiar places and faces. Getting to touch base again and see how the year was. Just getting to thank these hosts truly for how much it really means to brothers and sisters world wide what they do. Whether it is a room to sleep in or a meal. Even just seeing the what-is-normal-sights to them and how it blows our minds with each mile we progress.This team. These hearts and the compassion for one another. The grace the unity. This is day 5. I can't believe the ways in which God has answered these prayers of mine. The excitement of Christ and what He has in store for us is overwhelming and very much raw, real and radical... I had to come up with another R word and that seemed really perfect actually!
Again. Day 5.
We had a rest day today in Spokane, WA and we will be hitting the road tomorrow morning for a simple 55 miles to Harrison Idaho where I am extremely excited to see everyone there again and spend some time taking in Gods creation of Lake Coeur d'Alene. It will also be our first State line crossing.People think I'm crazy for riding again. Sometimes I think so too. But if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met these great friends and had been able to reconnect with others while continuing to do what I love; live on the road and share in these things like perspective and understanding all the more with those who we ride side by side with.
It's amazing what you remember when you're back where you were. No dates or days remembered, but places? Always.
- Keep adventuring.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Necessary, Necessities. (Thank You Alexander Valley for your encouragement and support)
Again and again and again I am reminded of how much God wants HIS name glorified and how small and beautiful His details are to bring more light and more perspective to so many things. I am amazed by how He builds these foundations and how He steadily builds each of us up. Breaking us down in ways that we are humbled and grateful.
I have a story for you and it is one of many blessings. Ready?
For the last couple of months I have been over whelmed by many things. I have been busy with life and where God has me going and feeling very much like stretch armstrong in many ways. Mind pulled in many different directions with constant reminders of how much still needs to be done. And yet when I was on my last leg... Last toe even. God met me right where I was and scooped me up only to bless me all the more. Again. When you surrender it all, you come to realize that if you had just surrendered it from the very beginning, it would have been way less exhausting.
21 blessings came at a moment where I felt that the stresses of Many different things would finish me off by crushing me down. Bit as soon as I was face down these blessings picked me up and brushed me off.
6th graders who are usually too cool for school heading into the 7th grade blew my mind away with the love they had for one another and myself and all this around them. Honest, true, genuine.
They were an answer to prayer in saying this. Passion in following The Lord and putting your all brings the reward of overwhelming joy. And you find that in these moments these joys are the fuel to keep you going. God has willed it. And He blesses us in these ways often.
By the end of the week I had one of those rare weeks where I didn't want these new friends to leave. They're encouragement is so inspiring and with that said they encourage me to love more. Care more.
They all asked me what else I like to do and I explained to them how I like to ride my bicycle. Curious kiddos, asked me where I like to ride my bicycle and I answered across the United States. Their eyes grew big and mouths stopped moving. Question after question led me to explain to them what I've been doing with this bicycle God has given me.
We said our rather tearful goodbyes. Not even 3 hours had passed and I had a message down in the office to tell me a chaperon from the school that had just left wanted me to call her. I called her back and also saw that the main teacher had sent me an email to invite me to these super kids 6th grade graduation on the 31st.
NOOOO! That is the day that I would be departing to fly half way across the states only to drive to Washington 3 days later to begin bike tour! I emailed the teacher and explained why I couldn't come but when I could potentially come to visit.
So I surprised them with coming to visit them in their classroom. They made a slide show and we watched it while eating cookies and sipping on caprisun.
They said that they were so excited for me to ride this summer and why I was riding. So much so that they wanted to be apart of it all too.
So they're class treasurer, Hannah, handed me an envelope and Lorna (one of the most passionate teachers I have ever met) explained that these sly kiddos decided on the number. They had some funds left over from their stay in the redwoods.
She insisted I look at the amount and as I opened the envelope my jaw dropped... 5...0...0...
$500.
It blows my mind on a daily basis again of who God is and what He is capable of doing. The connections and paths He crosses are not by chance. As a dear friend of mine, Jenna Givens once said a long time ago, "when people come into our lives God isn't asleep".
And just when you think you can't handle those overwhelming moments. And then God just blesses you more. His plans are to prosper you. Not to harm. Even if something's hurt. Like falling on the ground because your bike clip malfunctions and people swarm you in the middle of town. Asking you why you're riding your bike. Then getting a donation out of it. God humbles me in the most beautifully uncomfortable ways.
.jpg)
As I got ready to depart from visiting for a few hours, we walked out to the blacktop to take some pictures. I looked at the ground and saw a painting of the United states. It was huge, Like the map that they had on Carmen San Diego . I ran to Washington state and hollered over for them to all come line up behind me so they could ride across the country with me! It was brilliant. Here they were, two worlds colliding. I am so in awe of what God puts in front of me. Inspiration creates something in all of us that can't be explained.
How does He humble you?
I have a story for you and it is one of many blessings. Ready?
For the last couple of months I have been over whelmed by many things. I have been busy with life and where God has me going and feeling very much like stretch armstrong in many ways. Mind pulled in many different directions with constant reminders of how much still needs to be done. And yet when I was on my last leg... Last toe even. God met me right where I was and scooped me up only to bless me all the more. Again. When you surrender it all, you come to realize that if you had just surrendered it from the very beginning, it would have been way less exhausting.
21 blessings came at a moment where I felt that the stresses of Many different things would finish me off by crushing me down. Bit as soon as I was face down these blessings picked me up and brushed me off. 6th graders who are usually too cool for school heading into the 7th grade blew my mind away with the love they had for one another and myself and all this around them. Honest, true, genuine.
They were an answer to prayer in saying this. Passion in following The Lord and putting your all brings the reward of overwhelming joy. And you find that in these moments these joys are the fuel to keep you going. God has willed it. And He blesses us in these ways often.
By the end of the week I had one of those rare weeks where I didn't want these new friends to leave. They're encouragement is so inspiring and with that said they encourage me to love more. Care more.
They all asked me what else I like to do and I explained to them how I like to ride my bicycle. Curious kiddos, asked me where I like to ride my bicycle and I answered across the United States. Their eyes grew big and mouths stopped moving. Question after question led me to explain to them what I've been doing with this bicycle God has given me.We said our rather tearful goodbyes. Not even 3 hours had passed and I had a message down in the office to tell me a chaperon from the school that had just left wanted me to call her. I called her back and also saw that the main teacher had sent me an email to invite me to these super kids 6th grade graduation on the 31st.
NOOOO! That is the day that I would be departing to fly half way across the states only to drive to Washington 3 days later to begin bike tour! I emailed the teacher and explained why I couldn't come but when I could potentially come to visit.
So I surprised them with coming to visit them in their classroom. They made a slide show and we watched it while eating cookies and sipping on caprisun. They said that they were so excited for me to ride this summer and why I was riding. So much so that they wanted to be apart of it all too.
So they're class treasurer, Hannah, handed me an envelope and Lorna (one of the most passionate teachers I have ever met) explained that these sly kiddos decided on the number. They had some funds left over from their stay in the redwoods.
She insisted I look at the amount and as I opened the envelope my jaw dropped... 5...0...0...$500.
It blows my mind on a daily basis again of who God is and what He is capable of doing. The connections and paths He crosses are not by chance. As a dear friend of mine, Jenna Givens once said a long time ago, "when people come into our lives God isn't asleep".
And just when you think you can't handle those overwhelming moments. And then God just blesses you more. His plans are to prosper you. Not to harm. Even if something's hurt. Like falling on the ground because your bike clip malfunctions and people swarm you in the middle of town. Asking you why you're riding your bike. Then getting a donation out of it. God humbles me in the most beautifully uncomfortable ways.
.jpg)
As I got ready to depart from visiting for a few hours, we walked out to the blacktop to take some pictures. I looked at the ground and saw a painting of the United states. It was huge, Like the map that they had on Carmen San Diego . I ran to Washington state and hollered over for them to all come line up behind me so they could ride across the country with me! It was brilliant. Here they were, two worlds colliding. I am so in awe of what God puts in front of me. Inspiration creates something in all of us that can't be explained.
How does He humble you?
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Let The Nomadic Lifestyle Commence...Again.
Let's see here. I have things to say but I don't know where to begin. I have things on my heart but I don't know which words should be used to best describe them.
I rode my bicycle today. I am getting used to new things. Shifters, saddle and handlebar placement. Settling into this contraption that propels me from one place to another. From one season to another... I remember riding different bikes. How much we really do get to know ourselves and our bodies when it comes down to riding on something that is not the one God truly blessed you with. Almost like a wand from Olivanders.
I recalled my first ever team ride heading to Seattle and how exciting yet odd it felt. I remembered the feeling as we rode to Rockaway beach and ran to the ocean. How much life changes in 8 weeks. I put my fingers up and 8 is not 10. But 8 is still a lot. and with in that 8 weeks new discoveries were made and it will happen again and again and again through out even shorter seasons of life.
I hit the road in less than two weeks to begin the trek from Minnesota to Washington (washing tongue).
I've begun packing up my room into the same boxes I pack these things into every 6 months it seems, sometimes less. These happenings cause me to look into the photographs in which I pin up and tear down often and it is fun to have these people in my room constantly. To have them reminding me who they are, who I am and why I am again diving into this rather nomadic lifestyle, adding another layer of this story to the depths of my soul.
If there is one thing I have realized in my encounter with life, it is this; God is faithful and He knows how we are built and what we need. God continues to put these kinds of things in people form in my life. and I am very excited to begin the trek. Truth, depth and growth. With others who have been delicately placed into our lives. And with the weeks that have been following up to these moments and that will lead up to when we are all standing in the flesh with one another. It will be joyful.
Though I have experienced something like this before. This tour this Summer I have never experienced. Because it hasn't happened yet. So my expectations are simply this, I have none. Just memories of places and faces with the strength and will of God propelling me forward through these miles and smiles of individuals who I will see many layers to their stories and souls as the journey commences. I am already very thankful.
I am already very thankful again that God has given us temples for Him to work through, to strengthen and to show the forces of His love and compassion. He builds the story with in us as we see each hill and make the climb. He builds our hope and sees it through to it's completion. It will be completed. I am thankful for the once in a life time opportunity that has turned into twice. Knowing that I have been given the choice to follow or to disobey. He will push me further and harder than I ever could imagine and I am so thankful for that to know that through suffering there is joy. And through suffering there is triumph and celebration that the hope in which I ride for is the same hope that fuels the lives of so many others.
Let these legs be blessed and His strength and love overflowing through all of us that leaves a trail and soaks those who surround us in these 3,448 miles that we will be propelled across... Like wings on Eagles.
Keep Adventuring
I rode my bicycle today. I am getting used to new things. Shifters, saddle and handlebar placement. Settling into this contraption that propels me from one place to another. From one season to another... I remember riding different bikes. How much we really do get to know ourselves and our bodies when it comes down to riding on something that is not the one God truly blessed you with. Almost like a wand from Olivanders.
I recalled my first ever team ride heading to Seattle and how exciting yet odd it felt. I remembered the feeling as we rode to Rockaway beach and ran to the ocean. How much life changes in 8 weeks. I put my fingers up and 8 is not 10. But 8 is still a lot. and with in that 8 weeks new discoveries were made and it will happen again and again and again through out even shorter seasons of life.
I hit the road in less than two weeks to begin the trek from Minnesota to Washington (washing tongue).
I've begun packing up my room into the same boxes I pack these things into every 6 months it seems, sometimes less. These happenings cause me to look into the photographs in which I pin up and tear down often and it is fun to have these people in my room constantly. To have them reminding me who they are, who I am and why I am again diving into this rather nomadic lifestyle, adding another layer of this story to the depths of my soul.
If there is one thing I have realized in my encounter with life, it is this; God is faithful and He knows how we are built and what we need. God continues to put these kinds of things in people form in my life. and I am very excited to begin the trek. Truth, depth and growth. With others who have been delicately placed into our lives. And with the weeks that have been following up to these moments and that will lead up to when we are all standing in the flesh with one another. It will be joyful.
Though I have experienced something like this before. This tour this Summer I have never experienced. Because it hasn't happened yet. So my expectations are simply this, I have none. Just memories of places and faces with the strength and will of God propelling me forward through these miles and smiles of individuals who I will see many layers to their stories and souls as the journey commences. I am already very thankful.
I am already very thankful again that God has given us temples for Him to work through, to strengthen and to show the forces of His love and compassion. He builds the story with in us as we see each hill and make the climb. He builds our hope and sees it through to it's completion. It will be completed. I am thankful for the once in a life time opportunity that has turned into twice. Knowing that I have been given the choice to follow or to disobey. He will push me further and harder than I ever could imagine and I am so thankful for that to know that through suffering there is joy. And through suffering there is triumph and celebration that the hope in which I ride for is the same hope that fuels the lives of so many others.
Let these legs be blessed and His strength and love overflowing through all of us that leaves a trail and soaks those who surround us in these 3,448 miles that we will be propelled across... Like wings on Eagles.
Keep Adventuring
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Ironwomen
I felt like a inspired little girl today looking to those who are so much more capable than I am at accomplishing so much more than I could ever imagine. Thinking, "I want to do that someday". I must admit that I haven't felt this inspired in a long time. This inspiration stirring with in me from long ago. Wanting to do something really incredible.
Sacrifice. There are many definitions to this word. Many different meanings and interpretations. Many kinds of views, understandings and enlightenment to what the seasoning of sacrifice brings to our lives and how strong or light at came be to zest so many different things.
I am inspired by my dear friends, Shannon and Ashley. Today, they completed the Iron man in Houston Texas. Merely a thought almost a year ago while we rode bikes, this idea was born into existence at the proper timing of Gods will. And from these roads, these hearts began to yearn for that. To sacrifice time, effort, and will power to train, suffer and triumph in baby steps to places and phases of the months that pass.
To see the time count down and dwindle, I became rather excited to remember watching the Ironman in Kona, Hawaii. And the funny thing is this. I just so happened to be dog sitting and this dogs name is Kona.
As friends posted bib numbers and prep photos leading up to the start this morning at 7am central, I followed them all day long. Constantly wanted to run long distances and ride my bike forever. Feeling intimidated by the swimming yet found myself running with energy to various places at work, secretly pretending I was in the race. Since when has my imagination gone wild again?
Inspiration does that and bring out deeper desires of our hearts. Makes us long to be better, long to be stronger, and long to seek deeper with in ourselves who God wants us to be and what we can SACRIFICE.
Again pushing these tents to the ultimate brink. To think outside the box and outside of this body to prove all the more who God is and what kind of strength He puts in us and what we can actually do if we allow ourselves to be strengthened by Him in these ways.
As of today I have indeed made the decision to do an Ironman before I turn 30. I am not one for bucket lists. If God wills it. Yet I have very much desired to do this for a long time and with in the time and transitions of many things, I feel very much like this is a huge possibility. And I am very excited on top of inspired. I ask you to hold me accountable. You know who you are.
Praise God for inspirations in daily life. For friends who God strengthens through and through.
I am so proud and stoked for Shannon 15:25:53 and Ashley 14:03:38. The Lords strength in you blows me away on a daily basis!!!
Sacrifice. There are many definitions to this word. Many different meanings and interpretations. Many kinds of views, understandings and enlightenment to what the seasoning of sacrifice brings to our lives and how strong or light at came be to zest so many different things.
I am inspired by my dear friends, Shannon and Ashley. Today, they completed the Iron man in Houston Texas. Merely a thought almost a year ago while we rode bikes, this idea was born into existence at the proper timing of Gods will. And from these roads, these hearts began to yearn for that. To sacrifice time, effort, and will power to train, suffer and triumph in baby steps to places and phases of the months that pass.
To see the time count down and dwindle, I became rather excited to remember watching the Ironman in Kona, Hawaii. And the funny thing is this. I just so happened to be dog sitting and this dogs name is Kona.
As friends posted bib numbers and prep photos leading up to the start this morning at 7am central, I followed them all day long. Constantly wanted to run long distances and ride my bike forever. Feeling intimidated by the swimming yet found myself running with energy to various places at work, secretly pretending I was in the race. Since when has my imagination gone wild again?
Inspiration does that and bring out deeper desires of our hearts. Makes us long to be better, long to be stronger, and long to seek deeper with in ourselves who God wants us to be and what we can SACRIFICE.
Again pushing these tents to the ultimate brink. To think outside the box and outside of this body to prove all the more who God is and what kind of strength He puts in us and what we can actually do if we allow ourselves to be strengthened by Him in these ways.
As of today I have indeed made the decision to do an Ironman before I turn 30. I am not one for bucket lists. If God wills it. Yet I have very much desired to do this for a long time and with in the time and transitions of many things, I feel very much like this is a huge possibility. And I am very excited on top of inspired. I ask you to hold me accountable. You know who you are.
Praise God for inspirations in daily life. For friends who God strengthens through and through.
I am so proud and stoked for Shannon 15:25:53 and Ashley 14:03:38. The Lords strength in you blows me away on a daily basis!!!
Congratulations!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Today Felt So Far Away
Have you ever had one of those moments where you meet up with someone after a while and it instantly takes you back to the day, time, season, feelings and smells of that day when you last saw that person? Down to the very temperature and feelings of heart ache and such joy bursting out of that sorrow.
I had that tonight. I had that the moment I hugged Chanel Thompson. These moments that I recall were our last day before the airport in South Africa. Surprising her at work while sweat soaked our backs from sitting in an over crowded car all afternoon. It took me back to seeing Jacky and Franco and picking up puppies in Wellington.
Seeing her face in front of mine again reminded me of the moment when we I saw her mane and Calebs
tie coming up the escalator How wonderful it felt to know what caring feels like when you are the one receiving it. Seeing us off on a very sad day yet an exciting new beginning. It reminded me of the "just one more hug"s and the hard goodbyes because today felt so far away. And yet here it is and she is here. At last, from across the vast pond months later. What seems like yesterday and fresh heart ache mixed with faith and longing for patience has persevered into the present. And it is lovely.
I had a dream last night about good friends being back and I woke up this morning, split second sadness with and overwhelming aftershock of joy to remember that today was May 15th. Today there would be reuniting of many smiles and many hugs. Many inspirations and many hopes continuing on.
There is yet another season blooming into this path as there have been some frosty moments where things have been more shaded. Now the light, again, brings new perspective. New hopes and more vivid dreams that the Lord seems to have been speaking through as of late.
It's more than nice to see you again.
I had that tonight. I had that the moment I hugged Chanel Thompson. These moments that I recall were our last day before the airport in South Africa. Surprising her at work while sweat soaked our backs from sitting in an over crowded car all afternoon. It took me back to seeing Jacky and Franco and picking up puppies in Wellington.
Seeing her face in front of mine again reminded me of the moment when we I saw her mane and Calebs
tie coming up the escalator How wonderful it felt to know what caring feels like when you are the one receiving it. Seeing us off on a very sad day yet an exciting new beginning. It reminded me of the "just one more hug"s and the hard goodbyes because today felt so far away. And yet here it is and she is here. At last, from across the vast pond months later. What seems like yesterday and fresh heart ache mixed with faith and longing for patience has persevered into the present. And it is lovely.
I had a dream last night about good friends being back and I woke up this morning, split second sadness with and overwhelming aftershock of joy to remember that today was May 15th. Today there would be reuniting of many smiles and many hugs. Many inspirations and many hopes continuing on.
There is yet another season blooming into this path as there have been some frosty moments where things have been more shaded. Now the light, again, brings new perspective. New hopes and more vivid dreams that the Lord seems to have been speaking through as of late.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Vast, Rich Exploration
I am a farmer by default. I gain the most pleasure out of planting seeds and watching progression. Taking delight when fruit is bared and stocks tall. Relationships deep in the soil with intent to hold steadfast. Reminding me and others that we may bend, hard, but we will not be destroyed.
God breaks us as easily as we break dried mud on a river bar. And it is satisfying to see it break down and carried away by the wind. Placing it right where The Lord will have it, for safe keeping. Certainly we feel, at times, like blown about dried mud but even Satan can't prevent us from getting to where God needs us most. Placing us ever so carefully a midst this small earth. We are so small, like a grain of sand that even a river bar feels like eternity. Even a small area like this river bar feels like this is all that there is. YET, we have heard of the quenching waters. We have seen glimpses of the reflecting sunlight and cool breeze from places unseen. And it is in this moment we are reminded how small we really are. In each of these moments we are reminded how precious we are in the middle of these vast, rich explorations.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Normalcy
I am stretching. I can feel the pain yet relief of what the stretch of the Lord brings into my view and perspective of where this life is leading me. Of where He continues to move me towards. Who are we and what are we meant for? And how often do we second guess ourselves because of what culture insists we become?
How many times have I thought, "when should I start looking at better PAYING jobs and go in that (what seems) boring path of predictability"?
How many times have I thought, "when should I start looking at better PAYING jobs and go in that (what seems) boring path of predictability"?
How many times have I been told that what I am doing is bazaar, thoughtless, crazy, selfish, pointless, unimportant, and off direction from what normalcy is? How many times can I be told that it is time to grow up?
How many times can I be asked why I ride my bike up huge hills and torture my body in such ways for people and places I've never even seen? Why do people who have known me for what seems like so long honestly ask me as if they don't know me at all, "what do you do when you get to hills? Why would you ever do something like that"?...Really?
...Really?
Have I miss represented myself in a way that everyone is confused and perhaps thinks I am a fraud? or maybe it is because we are all blinded in one way or another by various things in our own lives that steals focus from what is true, pure and honest. Perhaps another angel would be more suitable. Perhaps this is Humility.
I am not in it for "fame" I am not in it for bragging rights or seeing if I can really do it. It's not about me. But a perk is that it brings me joy to suffer for those who don't have freedom to have a voice. To dream openly and allow themselves to fully surrender to a true God. My God. That what my legs have been shaped into by God Himself can help bring someone near and far learn His sons name and bring them one step closer to the growing Kingdom.
Praise the Lord oh my soul.
My Dad once said that he was rather let down that I didn't seem very passionate about what I've been doing and who I've been doing these things for... Clearly he was being sarcastic.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
How'd I Get So Blessed?
We follow old giants instead of the ground. Creation and natural disaster has become our path. But this way is healthy. Abiding by no earthly law. For we do not belong to this earth. We are our Fathers children. Hops, Skips and jumps into discoveries unknown.
These trails are unlike anything we've ever seen. In the same ways the paths of our lives surprise us in the same ways. Not being able to fathom what these things look like to be able to comprehend even the smallest rain drop hitting leaves before drops hit your face. Yet each glimpse that we witness, each step we take across the mossy base, we are revived and torn down. Layers peel back on the cold numb parts of our hearts like frail bits of bark lead to phloem. The deeper we dig, the deeper we dare to trek, the more we loose the meaningless and gain grace and love. The more it swells within us destroying the dead and bringing new life. This rubbish has been cluttering up my footsteps.
I wanted to hear a good story. One that was true and one that was real deep. As I sat leaning into the inches of life and breathed it in, I heard this story through those around me in awe of what we were witnessing. My eyes are shown while my heart and soul can feel all aspects of this story. An Author telling His story in each detailed layer. The brilliance and the elegance of what He's brought us here to see of what He didn't need to show us or even create...
...And yet He wrote it into our stories. He placed it next to the anticipation in between patience and hardship. He placed it perfectly with each of us in mind.
As each rain drop falls. Every rumble of thunder, every step taken off the beaten path... How'd I get so blessed to witness such delicate glory rays? How'd we get so blessed to be placed into others lives in these important parts and places.
Ever try to put a name to a face but it doesn't seem to come and you can't remember the details? Yet being in the presence of these places and faces, it is far to hard to forget the name behind the detail, color and scent of the things He sits on and signs as His own brilliant creation. Taking all the credit that we praise, stepping back while taking it all in. Taking in every detail. Even the small things like us standing in the middle of it all seeing that it was good. Right down to the skipping hearts as the breath is stolen from each winding turn we take. Overwhelmed by presence and lack of understanding mixing and molding into the longing to know better. To love better... To seek deeper and let His love soak us to the very core leaving us saturated in grace and redemption.
As each rain drop falls. Every rumble of thunder, every step taken off the beaten path... How'd I get so blessed to witness such delicate glory rays? How'd we get so blessed to be placed into others lives in these important parts and places.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Privileged
In so many ways we are privileged. Work schedules, retirement, income, lifestyles and hobbies. I believe it is a glitch in our culture to gain an understanding of what all we have a RIGHT to and what we have the PRIVILEGE to. May this be a reminder of how blessed we are and how thankful to The Lord God Almighty we should be.
- Keep adventuring.
- Keep adventuring.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Mind Wandering Hearts.
I have been feeling this urge to write lately but there isn't much I feel creative upon in writing. There are topics I would like to touch upon like money, the hearts mind wandering or the searing ache in my finger of where skin is absent from climbing away from various things.
Isn't it interesting how we have topics we wish to touch upon but simply feel like there isn't enough interest from other parties let alone yourself to put enough effort into explanations? It's like a good friend who you can simply sit next to and be understood instead of explaining and reexplaining your life story. But it works at the same time because you have to do the uncomfortable some times. You must seek deeper and even though skin scrapes and heart strings are plucked, it is good to speak. It is good to scream it out with the noise of the frustration of gears working in brain cells and eyes strained to make sense of it all... This life in which we can't even begin to know what will actually happen tomorrow. Does it really even exist? Not until the sun rises again. Until then I am left here sitting on a couch in California after a day of rain trekking through mud puddles on the hunt for slugs but discovered worms instead.
There are things on the horizon that I am excited to be getting you back into. And I will be posting less vague updates soon. But until then I will leave you with this bit of wordage:
Utmost:
"Think of the last thing you prayed about-were you devoted to your desire or to God? Was your determination to get some gift of the spirit for yourself or to get to God? "For your Father knows the things you have need before you ask Him"(Matthew 6:8). The reason for Asking is so you may get to know God better. "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4) We should keep praying to get a perfect understanding of God Himself."
Isn't it interesting how we have topics we wish to touch upon but simply feel like there isn't enough interest from other parties let alone yourself to put enough effort into explanations? It's like a good friend who you can simply sit next to and be understood instead of explaining and reexplaining your life story. But it works at the same time because you have to do the uncomfortable some times. You must seek deeper and even though skin scrapes and heart strings are plucked, it is good to speak. It is good to scream it out with the noise of the frustration of gears working in brain cells and eyes strained to make sense of it all... This life in which we can't even begin to know what will actually happen tomorrow. Does it really even exist? Not until the sun rises again. Until then I am left here sitting on a couch in California after a day of rain trekking through mud puddles on the hunt for slugs but discovered worms instead.
There are things on the horizon that I am excited to be getting you back into. And I will be posting less vague updates soon. But until then I will leave you with this bit of wordage:
Utmost:
"Think of the last thing you prayed about-were you devoted to your desire or to God? Was your determination to get some gift of the spirit for yourself or to get to God? "For your Father knows the things you have need before you ask Him"(Matthew 6:8). The reason for Asking is so you may get to know God better. "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4) We should keep praying to get a perfect understanding of God Himself."
Get ready for Round 2!
Monday, March 18, 2013
"And hide your spirit within the vine. Where all things will work by a good design"
There's a song that came into my head from a stereo speaker and a prayer this afternoon that I simply can't allow to passed by in times of various wanderings of the mind. The same happens in the most tragic and the most joyous of times. Does this even make sense? No, but when you hear something that comes along you must listen to it or try to multiple times and the more you listen the more you understand about it and the more becomes unveiled to make sense of what doesn't always make sense...Does THAT make any sense?
I am flawed, I am flawed I am flawed. I will always be flawed as much as I like to try and make things perfect. Whether with my job or relationships or this body that God has made personally for me. I am indeed flawed and will always be flawed. It's a real true thing and a realization that scares and frees you all with in the same breathe. I mess up I allow pride to get in my way a lot and I most certainly deny myself the grace I should give myself and others a lot. It doesn't mean that I don't eventually come to the realization of these flaws. I do and I feel at times there is a moment when I feel and learn that the less time I let pass by holding onto it and just let it go the more I wish I had just let it go.
Do you ever listen to songs on repeat? Sometimes the combination of word expression mixed with chords and truth is just too good to move onto the next selection. So you click the button that brings the loop with the number 1 to the selection and as soon as it ends, it begins again and the lesson continues.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Undertows, Under Toes
The sea intimidates me. As I ran I saw sea kelp mangled and huge like something so alien just like this life feels at times.
As I ran through fog this morning/afternoon, I felt tense. When ever I run at the beach I tend to feel Gods wrath more than His peace at times. And I like it. It is a good reminder that He is powerful. I imagine the powerful waves sweeping me away into the abis. How the semi solid earth, sand that my bare feet sink in upon then quickly disappears into the abis, washing away in the undertow.
I feel Him creep up at my heels with cold salt water of the pacific. Urging me to pick up my feet, pick up the pace... Keep going! I couldn't see past the breakers but I could still feel Him and His overwhelming presence of never ending proof. The ocean is less real than God if you think about it. God created the sea so at one point in time it never existed. Perhaps it was a thought that became earthly reality upon the dawn of creation.
Thankful for the ability and opportunity to dream...
Keep adventuring.
As I ran through fog this morning/afternoon, I felt tense. When ever I run at the beach I tend to feel Gods wrath more than His peace at times. And I like it. It is a good reminder that He is powerful. I imagine the powerful waves sweeping me away into the abis. How the semi solid earth, sand that my bare feet sink in upon then quickly disappears into the abis, washing away in the undertow.
I feel Him creep up at my heels with cold salt water of the pacific. Urging me to pick up my feet, pick up the pace... Keep going! I couldn't see past the breakers but I could still feel Him and His overwhelming presence of never ending proof. The ocean is less real than God if you think about it. God created the sea so at one point in time it never existed. Perhaps it was a thought that became earthly reality upon the dawn of creation.
Thankful for the ability and opportunity to dream...
Keep adventuring.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Toy Boats In Bathtubs
Merriam Webster Dictionary Defines:
-To yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand
-To give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
-To give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner
-To give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
-An expression of approval: Commendation
-Worship
-Value, Merit
-To express a favorable Judgment: Commend
-To glorify (a god or saint) especially by the attribution of perfections
It has sunken a bit deeper than when the first time hearing the words cut me with what seemed like no reason. A complete uncalled for stab to the face. It has sunken enough to nod my head... or shake my head and keep going. Managing to keep my feet moving. Where as for the last week the trigger of it all would ignite memories and questions led to lost breath and more questions.
How could this happen? Why is it happening? There are logical things from Gods perspective. But it was something so unthought of. When you get used to things it's almost worse than it being a new pain sometimes because the severe heart ache of it all sneaks up on you and cuts you to the core leaving you gasping and hollow.
Feeling despair and bruised, these are the key moments when standing isn't necessary. Instead of fighting the urge, we should simply fall to our knees and raise our hands.
Surrender...Throw everything aside and raise your white flag and lay it at the foot of the cross. In these moments when we feel like we can't do anything... helpless. It is the most helpful thing we can do.
It's funny because it's true when we react to things we don't understand, "curve balls"..."It's not apart of the plan". Not our plan at least. But it is where we surrender from exhaustion that we realize we could have been strengthened all along instead of playing a loosing game of Tug-a-war. It is where we are laying face down before God petrified of truths but faithful in outcomes. Faithful in surrender. Many things that overwhelm constantly... But God is so much bigger than all of it.
-To give joy to
-To feel joy or great delight
-To mourn out loud
-To regret strongly
1 Peter 4:13
"But Rejoice in as much as you participate in sufferings of Christ, so that you may be over joyed when His glory is revealed".
Psalm 102:1
[ Psalm 102 ] [ Aprayer of an afflicted person who has grown weak and pours out a lament before the Lord.] Hear my prayer, Lord; let my cry for help come to you.
We mustn't give up.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Continental Dividing
Back dated: Jan. 4th, 2013 11:01pm
I don't know how or why and I don't even care, but I laugh so hard when I'm with these three. Craig, Connor and Ellen. And though I am sad a little to leave tomorrow, it is time. I feel little bits of me staying in so many places but I'm so blessed.
I mean look at where I've been in the last two months alone. South Africa, New York City, Mountains in Pennsylvania, Colorado and back to California.
Africa, Concrete Jungle (where dreams are made of), Mountains/snow, Redwood trees. Places, faces, emotions and spaces in between the walls of this heart and I can't bare for it to be known at times because the senses and perspective reflected is simply too much to handle.
I don't want these days to end. I don't want these places, faces, emotions and spaces to fade even a shade lighter and far away than the day when it all began. It all begins some where. So does that mean there will always be an end? Was there ever a beginning to God? He is the only thing that has never begun or will never end.
It is amazing to know that seasons fall perfectly into place and how things can bloom more after something has already existed.
I have been growing fonder of the custom of asking people what their favorite song is. I like finding out and listening to it because I know that it strikes that chord with people. I know that that feeling you get when you listen to a really good song one that you feel like you could listen to over and over and it would never get old. An anthem, a memoir, a sound track. I like asking because I like hearing and when I hear it makes me think of them and there for I pray for them. They are good key reminders perhaps of where God needs my heart to seek out community and attention to those who have impacted me and have equally been impacted by God... And continue to be.
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