Unfolding

I was sitting on my flight back from Washington making a to do list of upcoming events and tasks for the next few weeks that are quickly dwindling and wrapping up my time in California. I was wishing I could be able to do all of these things right then and there and have it all be accomplished.

But then what?

Then what would I be preparing for? How would it make me any more present instead of day dreaming?

God has such purpose in His timing and I remind myself of that on a moment to moment basis.
His timing, not mine.
His will, not mine.
His Desires, not mine.
That last one is the hardest by far. Where do our desires come from and where in this walk does it not match up with His desires? At what moment do our desires even begin to look a different shade than His desires? How do we restore those colors and slate to walking and stepping in Gods time? We've never been in control of it all so why do we desire or think that we actually are?

Let's be honest, my own personal will power was completely intimidated and skeptical about this Washington trip, so much so that it almost didn't happen. So much of me questioned my own ability to "convince" people to come on board but that's a true, real good mindset/ heart to have because I literally can't do it. No one would be convinced if it was just me with the motive but see God has the motive. To use me as His vessel and use me to invite, encourage and call those He needs to be apart of it all. Apart of the architecture that is this area of the kingdom building.

Each of us are called specifically because He has made us with these things to be accomplished and fulfilled in mind. He created each of us with the intricate detail of His timing and will for each of us to accomplish these things for His good.

Past and Present

7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of knowing Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss  because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them Rubbish, that I may Gain Christ 9 and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ- the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ- yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3: 7-11

Who are we when we sit in the midst of our own created comforts? How does it forcibly mess with our attempt to mess with Gods will for us? Why would we ever want to mess with Gods will for us? Better yet why would we ever settle for less?
I have realized and spoken of discomfort in my walk with the Lord. It is where God has called me. Within this continued discomfort I seek and find more comfort in Him and His plan for me rather than the low expectations I seek for myself. Clearly He has already led me to far higher expectations for myself than I ever would have imagined. Living a California dream in the Redwood forest at 28. This looks nothing like what I imagined 28 would be like... It's better.

3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."- Philippians 1:3-6 NIV

Just like the expectations I imagined for this trip to Washington were so small compared to what He actually did there. I had the opportunity to meet and visit with incredible people seeking direction and being content in where they are currently in Gods will for them., seeing the blessings unfold on the daily.

Support raising full time can be extremely intimidating or daunting. Typical Thought process seems selfish but that is a tactic that strays us away from reaching out into communities to further connect and allow God to use others as vessels to help to bless therefore seeing in all of this, continually, the only one that can be given credit, is God. Even in the struggle God does not leave our side for a moment. Instead, he intercedes to move the conversation forward such as my friend John did in Samammish, WA

While pouring out this last year of my life and the direction it all has brought me to point in, our conversation went quiet in between other topics of catching up. As I struggled with my timing, God prompted His timing and John asked me how he and his wife could support me. I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped slightly. "The Ask" was asked to me. God is so good in his perseverance and encouragement that He plants in each of us. Pointers in love from others constructive  criticism that continues this growth process and continual discovery of who God is unfolding from the debris that are our doubts, flaws and brokenness. Because of Gods will and His continued faithfulness in revealing His desires within others my "Stellar Support Team" has grown in joyful noise and size. Each and every family member on our team has something very specific to teach and learn. I am so excited to see where this next year takes all of us.

I can't thank you enough. I feel like I can't thank God enough for you as this journey continues.

"26 Brothers and Sister, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God- that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written:"Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord." -1 Corinthians 1:26-31

-Keep Adventuring

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Life Experience Needed.

Matthew 10:39- "If you cling to your life you will loose it; but if you give up your life to me, you will find it."

I am trying to experience this each minute in each word that I speak to those about the journey that God is bringing me on to fulfill what it is that He is trying to accomplish. I began to experience and see this as my years and opportunities have unfolded in California. People put in my life to share and dream with while his plans are fulfilled in and through each of us.

I am trying to understand the direction and weight of my reactionary process of how God's plans unfold for me. Lately I have lost my "go with the flow" and be joyful regardless. Instead everything is radically up or radically down. Either radically effected or radically unaffected. Big deals out of nothing and ignoring apparent favoritism. I've allowed distraction to get the best of me. And in that I am humbled, reminded and pushed back in the direction that is needed and so important because it leads to the fulfillment in Gods plans, not my own.

Today I look around and see students studying mundane things for high school classes. I can remember studying French at the library with Sam Pride in 8th grade and desperately trying to stay awake while listening to teachers teach seemingly irrelevant things. Doing homework and writing papers that I honestly can't even remember subjects and topics of.

I see the importance of education but why do I feel like the majority of it didn't even stick? As I'm sitting here writing I am thankful for the ability to read and write. Most of my teachers were passionate about impacting students and encouraging them. I'm sure I wouldn't be where I am without teachers who truly cared about my succeeding. Seeing the light inside of me and so many others in their time and devotion. It is something I have thought of a lot.

Things like life skills, love, belief, encouragement, raw reality and strength building through it are just a few things that come to mind when I think of my early education. No candy coating, but instead, tough love that grows us and made me better and thankful for the struggle and succeeding through that struggle. Although looking back, life seemed so much easier then. Things that we face today wouldn't even seem possible if we had not experienced those "impossible" things then.

We have no idea where we are being brought to through all of it. But how blessed is it to be fostered by the wise and courageous to learn and thrive to become better at who God wants us to be?

I don't want to go back to school anytime soon. In fact when I see students with their text books I am so thankful that I'm not in their shoes. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to keep learning. Everyday I question. Everyday we learn something new, everyday we discover and seek to understand something or someone more. How awesome is it to hold that passion to learn? I am continually encouraged by teachers past and present and I also apologize to English teachers. I wish more had stuck with proper punctuation...

But life is a learning experience.

Every Now and Then Realities

Today God has been pushing the point of a recent lesson hard today to make me understand that HE is the only one that can fully sustain.

"10 As the rain and the snow come from heaven,
and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." -Isaiah 55:10-11

While in this struggle there my eyes have widened, my pride shattered and my heart tamed again...and again...and again.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." -1 Peter 2:9

It's funny how easily and carelessly something like a memory can be triggered by a current event. It's terrible and devastating if you allow it to effect you and the repercussions that you hold can make you feel as if you are right back where you originally were.

I have noticed that in this discovery I struggle to let it all go. My instinct has turned into holing it and ringing it until it's worn right through. Closing my heart and mind, burrowing, deeper into stone like mindset that everything and everyone is exactly alike. That the reason I protect these parts of myself are the same reasons why I did way back when because it's exactly the same...Exactly.

I know how wrong I am in this and the truth is that my human heart is so heavy. There are peaks during the day where I am simply too tired to bounce back, I'd rather burrow. What truth is in this? What even in the midst of this pain can I possibly see of that dim light that continually gets stronger the more I allow my hands to be pried from my eyes and light to flood in?

Confirmation.

He continues to confirm this direction that I must follow. While I struggle to believe that I know my heart better than he...

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."- Romans 8:28

I wont lie or deny the truth that I am tired of "bouncing back". So instead of doing just that I will simply lat at the foot of the cross and allow him to pick me up and carry me back or forward of whichever direction his will calls me toward. That direction continues to be nudging reminders of Wyoming. 

I stumbled across another blog today that resembled how I was trying to articulate the churning inside of me. (Listen to the song: Joy) Take a hot second and give it a gander. Let it soak in every now and then realities.