Every Now and Then Realities

Today God has been pushing the point of a recent lesson hard today to make me understand that HE is the only one that can fully sustain.

"10 As the rain and the snow come from heaven,
and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." -Isaiah 55:10-11

While in this struggle there my eyes have widened, my pride shattered and my heart tamed again...and again...and again.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." -1 Peter 2:9

It's funny how easily and carelessly something like a memory can be triggered by a current event. It's terrible and devastating if you allow it to effect you and the repercussions that you hold can make you feel as if you are right back where you originally were.

I have noticed that in this discovery I struggle to let it all go. My instinct has turned into holing it and ringing it until it's worn right through. Closing my heart and mind, burrowing, deeper into stone like mindset that everything and everyone is exactly alike. That the reason I protect these parts of myself are the same reasons why I did way back when because it's exactly the same...Exactly.

I know how wrong I am in this and the truth is that my human heart is so heavy. There are peaks during the day where I am simply too tired to bounce back, I'd rather burrow. What truth is in this? What even in the midst of this pain can I possibly see of that dim light that continually gets stronger the more I allow my hands to be pried from my eyes and light to flood in?

Confirmation.

He continues to confirm this direction that I must follow. While I struggle to believe that I know my heart better than he...

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."- Romans 8:28

I wont lie or deny the truth that I am tired of "bouncing back". So instead of doing just that I will simply lat at the foot of the cross and allow him to pick me up and carry me back or forward of whichever direction his will calls me toward. That direction continues to be nudging reminders of Wyoming. 

I stumbled across another blog today that resembled how I was trying to articulate the churning inside of me. (Listen to the song: Joy) Take a hot second and give it a gander. Let it soak in every now and then realities.